Back in the day before Afghanistan started,
A reader to me a suggestion imparted,
And looking back now it seems to make sense,
That rather than spend two trill and ten cents,
Why not hand over this wad to Afghanis?
That is, to mothers and fathers and grannies.
In fact, they'd be happy with half that amount,
Split square among all for each one's account.
And of course the Talibs would swipe a few bucks,
To buy red Ferraris and tune pickup trucks,
But mainly the dough'd flow to where needed:
Books for buckaroos and fields wheat-seeded.
Ministries, NGOs would just step aside,
As health-care improved and war vaporized,
Big Macs and good latte' would pay local rents,
Recover society with its discontents,
Investment would come and folks could get jobs,
And not in the army that many lives robs.
Startups could start and small banks lend them cash,
'Cause ten here and ten there will soon make a splash,
Women could run firms and wouldn't they love it,
Telling Islamics and long-beards to shove it.
And for once in our lives we could beat chest and say,
"We've done someone good the American way."
Of course there's a downside to this happy plan,
The makers of arms would be sat on their can.
Af-Pak's been great for their balance-sheet fill,
(Though crummy for movies that lack any thrill),
And pilots of drones have trained in real time,
Shooting cool missiles on Uncle Sam's dime.
We could also have saved a lot of poor guys,
Who come home saddened and themselves despise,
And who till the end of the twenty-first cent.,
Will cost us head-shrinkers and half-way house rent.
Which is why I say when the next war comes 'round,
Let's just chuck money and buy peace by the pound.