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Advice from . . . whom?

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When the pest exterminator comes to your house -- assuming you occasionally need a pest exterminator at your house -- the vermin run and hide. The man with the poison tanks strapped to his back has to go find them. He looks here and there, hither and yon, behind the toilet perhaps, under the sink maybe, down in the dank basement among the spider webs and skittering things. But, find them he does. And then he deals with them. Severely. Ssssssssssssssssssss . . . .

In much the same way, President Obama today met with congressional Republicans to discuss his proposed $825 billion economic stimulus plan. He went to them. Which is totally understandable. God forbid they would rise to their Constitutional duties and go to him with advice and consent. Rather, with the country in extreme jeopardy they hid in their offices and tried to avoid the light. Remember, Republicans are genetically programmed to be cowards. Obama had to go find them. And he did.

He met with the House Republican vermin first, then had a meeting scheduled with the Senate Republican roaches later in the day. After dosing them with truth enough to make their antennae droop and their many legs tremble, the New Sheriff emerged from the meeting and announced, "We had a wonderful exchange of ideas, and I continue to be optimistic about our ability to get this recovery package done to put people back to work. There are some legitimate philosophical differences" between Democrats and Republicans on how to stimulate the economy, Obama noted, "and I respect that."

"I don't expect 100 percent agreement," he added. "But I hope we can put politics aside."

Excuse me?  Did I read that correctly? "But I hope we can put politics aside."? With all due respect, Mr. Prez, these Republican suckers are as interested in "putting politics aside" as I would be interested in removing my own wisdom teeth. These are Republicans, Mr. Prez. It is not about politics, anyway.  It's about their almost sexual desire to see you and the country collapse. Then and only then will their 70-year-long wet dream of ending the progressive social programs of FDR be realized. They hate America that much, Mr. Prez. You doubt it? Check the historical/political record since 1932. Look at what these vermin have tried to do - and in some instances, succeeded in doing. It's all there, sir. And, remember, too, what it says in Matthew: "Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?"  Um, no. They don't.

Look, Mr. Prez, remember how you recently tried to show respect to the truly miserable and lumpy John McCain? How you honored McCain on the eve of last week's inauguration with a bipartisan candlelight dinner, and how often you have solicited his advice on top appointments? Right? You did that, right? And what's your pay-back from this ungrateful bastard? On last Sunday's Fox News talk program McCain had nothing but ugly words and cheap shots for your initial moves as president. He called it "disingenuous" for you to impose new rules to limit the influence of lobbyists.

What?  He also said he would not have announced the pending closure of Guantanamo, as you did last week by signing an executive order, without having first decided what to do with the 245 detainees being held there. What? Um, yeah, okay. McCain would kill them all first and then close the base. And then he said he would not support your stimulus plan in its current form, asserting that it should have more tax cuts and less emphasis on projects. What? More tax cuts? For whom? Rich bitches like his wife? And what does that mean, less emphasis on projects? Sounds like it means screw creating jobs. Just give Senator Crazy and his old lady more jack, Jack. They're down to her last 300 mil.

And while McCain was on Fox dissing you and denigrating your plan to rescue the nation, House Minority Leader John A. Boehner, (Prick - Ohio) said on NBC's "Meet the Press" that he and many of his roach-like colleagues could not support the measure in its current form because they "see this as a lot of wasteful Washington spending, padding the bureaucracy and doing nothing to help create jobs and preserve jobs." What? Did this schmuck really say that? The rescue plan is "a lot of wasteful Washington spending?"  Boehner (Prick - Ohio) has such a loose hold on reality he should be led away, sedated, and ignored.

But, Mr. President, you get my drift, right? These swinish Republican bastards are not your friends, no matter how many sit-downs you have with them, no matter how often you attend their kids' birthday parties, no matter how often you compliment their taste in rep ties, no matter how many times you try to, you know, "reach across the aisle."  It's not gonna happen, sir. Ultimately, one of these reach-across-the-aisle attempts will result in your having to get a prosthesis to replace whatever arm you extended when you reached "across the aisle."  Yeah, they're that vicious.

So, maybe it's time to stop with the kissy-face, make-nice, we're all in this together routine and realize your true enemy -- the force that wants to end your presidency, along with the American middle class, and the country itself.  We're not all in this together. There is a serious enemy that skitters across the floors at night. That enemy is . . .  Republicans.  With all due respect, again, sir, I say f*ck 'em.  Really. Ignore these vermin. There is serious work to be done.  Hard work. Survival work. The vast majority of Americans is behind you.  You don't need to waste any more time trying to negotiate with these Republican Terrorists.  

Just do it. Load up your portable tanks with as much pyrethrin as necessary, spray liberally in the general direction of the GOP caucus nest, and stop asking for advice from . . . rodents.  'K?

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Mike Malloy is a former writer and producer for CNN (1984-87) and CNN-International (2000). His professional experience includes newspaper columnist and editor, writer, rock concert producer and actor. He is the only radio talk show host in America to have received the A.I.R (Achievement in Radio) Award in both (more...)
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