Adopt-a-Judge

What's the matter fellow Democrats? Do we have to write speeches for our own president? I'm surely glad to hear that Mr. Obama has suddenly decided to "fight hard for what he believes." It's only taken him six years. Now that he is a "lame duck," with nothing to lose and minorities in both houses, he can finally say what he really wants to without offending the left wing-nuts of our own party or their even more corrupt counterparts on the right.

Now, after cowering before Antonin Scalia and lapdog Clarence Thomas for six years, will the president finally stand up to them? I think not! A real president would attack both the Republican party and the corrupt Supreme Court by speaking to the people, not just to his own Democratic constituents. It's simple:

"Congratulations folks, now for 1.7 million dollars in campaign donations in one year's time you can buy your own pet judge! He or she can be properly trained to do whatever you like. Yes, it's more expensive than picking up a dog or a cat at the local pound, but now ladies and gentlemen, you can buy your own verdicts. Screw anyone you'd like--you can actually own your own personal share of the judicial system! In fact, you can adopt more than one judge. You can pool your money with fellow investors and adopt a whole stable full of pet judges--like a legal brothel. Why you could be responsible for one of the most momentous orgasms the Republican Supreme Soviet, sorry, 'Court,' has ever had! Excited? Just be patient and give them a moment to tidy up so they can look presentable for their next 'clients'."