OpEdNews - Satire/Book Review
A Christmas Churl
The Ghost of Christmas Future is a no-show. James Small
A Christmas Carol v.2 by Charles Dickens - Abridged by Ryan McConnellThis version of the Dickens novel has been abridged for all the middle-class and poor people who will benefit from a shorter rendition of the way-too-wordy original. In the final segment of Stave 3 (and the end of the story), the Ghost of Christmas Present reveals two wretched children to Ebeneezer Scrooge and warns him of the danger that they pose to our Homeland, the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave. Scrooge asks the Spirit if they are his.
"They are Man's," said the Spirit, looking down upon them. "And they cling to me, appealing from their fathers. This boy is Ignorance; this girl is Want. Beware them both, and all of their degree, but most of all beware this boy, for on his brow I see that written which is Doom, unless the writing be erased. Deny it!" cried the Spirit, stretching out its hand towards the city. "Slander those who tell it ye! Admit it for your factious purposes, and make it worse. And bide the end!"
"Have they no refuge or resource?" cried Scrooge.
"Are there no prisons?" said the Spirit, turning to him for the last time with his own words. "Are there not workhouses?" The bell struck twelve.
Thus ends a more reality-based rendition of the tale, with clear warnings of the dangers we face from abroad and from within, to our Republic. The unnecessary sentimentality about Tiny Tim and other unfortunates is rightly replaced by concern for security and economic austerity. Scrooge emerges as a protagonist who expresses some sympathy for others while The Spirit reinforces Scrooge's reliance upon existing institutions that deal with lawlessness and poverty. Scrooge, for his part, functions within and supports an economic system that rewards hard-working business owners, CEOs and investors. In this current society, which is threatened by terrorists and socialism, those who support freedom from regulations and tax reforms will find inspiration from this tale and stay the course!
About the author:
Ryan McConnell is a staunch defender of the exclusive rights of his supporters. He is a tireless proponent of fiduciary policies that benefit the Un Porciento Foundation in Washington, DC.