Ayman: Of course not. It is not permitted. Only the owner of the property is allowed to insure it against destruction by fire! To allow otherwise would be to encourage Satan's mischief in the world!
Osama: You are correct, Ayman. But what if I told you that such insurance does indeed exist? Moreover, what if the seller of such insurance could sell as many such policies as he liked, to whomever might offer to pay the premiums, all without producing proof of ability to pay off the many policyholders?
Ayman: Why... why... that would be madness! That would mean our enemies could gain increase from our destruction! But, but if the seller of policies were unable to pay...
Ayman: "Naked shorts!?!"
Osama: Calm youself, my licentious friend, they're not what you think! Suffice it to say that by selling Naked Shorts, our hypothetical enemy stands to reap double the increase from our immolation. And yet more!! He can then hasten our demise by distributing kerosene and matches to all those who share his zeal for our destruction -- merely by spreading malicious rumors!
You see, Ayman, these Swaps are like explosives. If your enemy has them, you must have them too. Thus if one holds Swaps, all must hold Swaps! And when one Swap detonates, it explodes like unto a roadside bomb, but with a force of concentration beyond imagining, leaving a crater as deep as the Canyons of Glass and Steel. The money-changers themselves call this unthinkable force Leverage. And so when one Swap explodes, the force detonates another Swaps bomb nearby, which triggers a third, followed immediately by a fourth and fifth, one upon another, until finally all the rest explode at once!
Most astounding of all, Ayman, is this: just like the Doomsday Machine, the Swaps weapon is designed to detonate when anyone tries to defuse it. Thus when the Sultan of Petrodollars, Lord Paulson, sought to avert destruction of a smoldering house by seizing control of it, he unwittingly triggered an explosion himself -- sending a cascade of smaller explosions rippling out into the Domain of Usury. They are still exploding even today!
Such is the demonic nature of the abstraction known as Credit Default Swaps. They are the Devil's invention. They are the very Doomsday Machine of which the Sage prophesied!
[ Ayman sits in stunned silence. ]
Osama: And thus it fell to your Humble Servant to build a feeding trough at which the Infidels might gorge upon their own Weapons, such that they might become distended with the flatus of their putrid feast, until the vile bloat should come bursting forth in a fulmination of filth such as might befoul the deepest, hottest layer of Jahannam itself!
Ayman: But how could you have done all this, my Humble Servant? You have not left your [makes air quotes] "cave" for years, except for your visits to the weight room!
Osama: It was a simple thing -- I used the email device embedded within my laptop! I have many friends, Ayman, and my family has many as well -- wealthy and powerful friends. And so I turned to my friends the potentates of the Carlyle Group*. They helped me establish a kind of wadiah known as a Hedge Fund, and I named it Carlyle Capital in their honor. And there was no need to walk among the Canyons of Glass and Steel to do this. The palace of the Fund was built Offshore, in the stronghold of Guernsey, in the Islands of the Channel.
And the Carlyle wadiah succeeded beyond my wildest hopes! I made sure, Ayman, that it prospered recklessly, beyond all safety and prudence. It thrived because I had loaded its coffers with Derivatives -- especially Swaps! -- and made sure that its debts exceeded its assets by seven times seven times seven again! And lo, the power of Leverage worked its fiendish magic.
And the triumph of the Carlyle wadiah caught the notice of the Wizards of Usury, and their masters in the money-changing Houses raced to join the frenzy! And so, one by one, the great Houses fell under my sway, Ayman. Not only those of the Great Satan but those of his handmaidens in the Anglo-Saxon Kingdom and the emirates of Singapore and Hong Kong, Tokyo and Dublin, Paris, Berlin, Zurich, Rome -- soon all, all were dancing to my tune! To the last Vizier, Sultan and Pasha, they succumbed to their own lust for earthly opulence and dominion. They loaded their coffers with Derivatives and Swaps, each insuring his enemies and rivals against the Flames, each reaping what must have seemed a boundless stream of premiums, all the while passing matches around, each to light the others' cigars of celebration! Next Page 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 (Note: You can view every article as one long page if you sign up as an Advocate Member, or higher).
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