"3.) The government will eat us if we let them."
The medley of mixed vegetables wilted in horror. "Then who can we turn to to protect us from the government?"
"That's where we farmers come in," declared Mr. Midland proudly. "We represent the free market garden established to serve your unhybridized ancestors, the cause for which so many of them were willing to be sliced, diced, mashed, and pureed. So don't let their sacrifice be in vain. Take my advice: gather up your fiber, lock tendrils together, go march into those livestock pens while you still can, and show those government farm animals who's boss!"
After some initial debate, the intrepid vegetables finally agreed with Mr. Midland and Mr. Green, and resolved that they'd better act quickly if they were going to save themselves. So they formed up in ranks, raised up a mighty battle cry, and charged off into the holding pens where they were immediately trampled and eaten by the grateful livestock.
"Now all we have to do is drag these government animals into the bathtub and drown them," said Farmer Midland with a wry smile. "Then we can enjoy a proper feast.
Mr. Green laughed nervously. "How do I know you won't try to eat me? he asked.
Mr. Midland was quick with his answer. "That's simple. You remind me too much of money, and only a fool devours the thing he loves.
Upon hearing this, the head of lettuce breathed a miasmic sigh of relief.
"Besides, the farmer added, almost as an afterthought, "salad sucks.
Mark W. Bradley blogs at http://www.punterinthemuck.com.
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