And it pains me no less that Americans tend to blindly venerate the PFC Andersons of our world, to put them on such a pedestal (as the president did in his Afghan address to the nation recently), offering them eternal thanks, and so making them and their heroism the reason for fighting on, while most of the rest of us don't waste a moment thinking about what (and whom) they're truly fighting for.
If ever you have the urge to do just that, ask yourself the following question: Would I be able to confidently explain to someone's mother what (besides his mates) her child actually died for?
What would you tell her? That he (or she) died to ensure Saudi hegemony in the Persian Gulf, or to facilitate the rise of ISIS, or an eternal Guantanamo, or the spread of terror groups, or the creation of yet more refugees for us to fear, or the further bombing of Yemen to ensure a famine of epic proportions?
Maybe you could do that, but I couldn't and can't. Not anymore, anyway. There have already been too many mothers, too many widows, for whom those explanations couldn't be lamer. And so many dead -- American, Afghan, Iraqi, and all the rest -- that eventually I find myself sitting on a bar stool staring at the six names on those bracelets of mine, the wreckage of two wars reflecting back at me, knowing I'll never be able to articulate a coherent explanation for their loved ones, should I ever have the courage to try.
Fear, guilt, embarrassment... my crosses to bear, as the war Anderson and I fought only expands further and undoubtedly more disastrously. My choices, my shame. No excuses.
Here's the truth of it, if you just stop to think about America's wars for a moment: it's only going to get harder to look a widow or mother in the eye and justify them in the years to come. Maybe a good soldier doesn't bother to worry about that... but I now know one thing at least: I'm not that.
Major Danny Sjursen, a TomDispatch regular, is a U.S. Army strategist and former history instructor at West Point. He served tours with reconnaissance units in Iraq and Afghanistan. He has written a memoir and critical analysis of the Iraq War, Ghost Riders of Baghdad: Soldiers, Civilians, and the Myth of the Surge. He lives with his wife and four sons in Lawrence, Kansas. Follow him on Twitter at @Skeptical_Vet.
[Note: The views expressed in this article are those of the author, expressed in an unofficial capacity, and do not reflect the official policy or position of the Department of the Army, Department of Defense, or the U.S. government.]
Follow TomDispatch on Twitter and join us on Facebook.
Copyright 2017 Danny Sjursen
(Note: You can view every article as one long page if you sign up as an Advocate Member, or higher).