I: How do you see this massive influx of slave labor being controlled?
POTUS: We'll import captured ISIS soldiers from Russia - if Vlad's agreeable of course - which I don't see being a problem given our special relationship as autocrats-in-arms. With the love ISIS has for terror and murder, they'd make amazing guards. Of course we'll have to make sure they don't start beheading the workforce!
I: Could be a problem.
POTUS: Frankly, I don't really see it being much of a problem. We'll always have GITMO to threaten them with. And when word gets out about the waterboarding, that'll take care of it. Terrorists are basically cowards - and it's well-known that Arabs are afraid of water.
But anyway, there you have it, problem solved! (High Five) America will be great again - and even greater! And it's all done using basic demonic (sic) principles.
I: Uh, did you mean to say "democratic"?
POTUS: That's what I said.
I: I don't think that's what you...(Interrupted)
POTUS: ... I keep telling people I'm really, really smart. Did I mention I went to Wharton? That's the Ivy League. Those wannabes like Cruz throw that Princeton-Harvard stuff around all the time. So what? Big deal - everybody goes there! You know Obama says he went to Yale, although he never proved it - just like the other thing he never proved.
I: You're referring to the birth certificate?
POTUS: Oh yeah, that too!
As I began to pose a question about his well publicized problem with women, I was again abruptly interrupted -
POTUS: OK, my man servants are telling me it's time to stop.
With that, the interview concluded. I thanked The President for his time and willingness to expose himself.