Cart, cars, it's all the same. You have to drive them. Let me think...Ivanka, didn't uncle Otto once drive a cab? Okay, hire him--I know I can trust him. He needs a job, he hasn't worked for six years since he crashed his cab into a school bus. I trust him, he'll be loyal, he can't get another decent job. But tell him he can't wear shorts. And tell him not to bad-mouth women in public, to hold it for the locker room. He got into trouble when some people overheard him say that men were better drivers than women and he had the proof. He said that of his last 12 collisions 11 of them were with women drivers. Yes, Otto will be perfect, and maybe they'll stop saying I'm not filling jobs.
Antron steps forward: Donald Trump in Conversation with Adolf Hitler.
Hello Adolf. This is your friend The Donald. Just wanted to let you know, you're doing a great job, a strong leader, people really respect you. And I love when the crowds go wild and shout "Sieg Heil, Sieg Heil." To get those cheers I have to fire them up with "lock her up. lock her up." I may have to steal that one from you--Hail Trump, Hail Trump.
What are you asking Adolf? Oh, for sure Americans love Germans--a great people, really great people Germans. In fact, in my city, New York, they had some parades on 86th Street on the Upper East Side--the area is called German town. Lots of Germans live there, and they love you. They were proudly marching with your beautiful swastika. It really stands out. impressive--I need something like that. You know, my family comes from Germany. I think some of my family were marching with them in German town. I couldn't tell because so many paraders had their faces covered with white hoods.
Adolf, I have to ask you something because I'm hearing things about you, things like what the fake news says about me--we have so much fake news. Thank God we can get some honest real news from our National Enquirer. So Adolf, I'm hearing that you're doing funny things with Eva...Yea, fake news. You're right people who don't like you are making it up. Same here--they think I grab pxxxy, just because I said it--It's just locker room talk, locker room talk. You're right Adolf, they don't understand. Yes, I hear you, it's the same for you. Just bunker talk, bunker talk.
Adolf, I'm hearing other things from the fake news. They're saying terrible things about you--these bad guys. So tell me what's the deal with Kristallnacht? Oh yes, the brown shirts. I heard about them--very enthusiastic. You say some good people just got a little out of control... I understand. The same here--it's the fake news, they can't stop lying. They're hurting good people, there are good people on both sides. Adolf, you'll clean up the broken glass, right?
I love the guy, and why shouldn't I? He loves me.
Maxine steps forward: The indictment and arrest of President Donald Trump
Wait, you can't arrest me. You have no jurisdiction over me. Yes, I see you have arrest warrants issued by the Southern District of New York, the Eastern District of Virginia, the U.S. Attorney's Office for the District of Columbia, and more fake charges, totally fake charges. All fake charges by Democrats who hate me because I beat them. They can't accept that Mueller said no collusion, no collusion. Bad bad losers, can't accept that I won big, by more than any other president. (Looks at the arrest warrants) Interesting documents but you losers can't arrest me. Get your hands off me. Here, look at my document (Pulls some papers from his jacket pocket). Ah, you're surprised. Did you think you could outsmart me--the greatest president ever, and the man who knows more than the generals? But now you know why you can't arrest me. Yes, as you can see with your popping-out eyes. The document says I just resigned the presidency, gave up my American citizenship, and that my friend Vladimir Putin-great leader, strong man-gave me Russian citizenship and appointed me Russian Ambassador to the United States. I now have diplomatic immunity so take your hands off me. I can have you arrested for roughing up a foreign diplomat. So low IQ loser, dasvidaniya, and get the hell out of here.