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So Long, 2012: New Year's Resolutions I'd Like to Hear

By       Message Arianna Huffington     Permalink
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"I will buy a well-trained sheep dog to help me with my caucus." ~ John Boehner

"Same as every year: stay out of jail, stay in my clothes." ~ Lindsay Lohan

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"I will remember that my mandate isn't just keeping inflation low but also keeping employment high." ~ Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke

"I will set a DC precedent and actually produce a tangible result from my gun control task force." ~ Vice President Joe Biden

"Performing in movies (other than Trouble With the Curve): yes; performing at GOP conventions: no." ~ Clint Eastwood

"I will make productive use of the HuffPost Divorce section." ~ Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries

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"I will continue to do whatever it is that I've been doing." ~ George W. Bush

"I will hire a fact-checker for my next big speech, so every media outlet doesn't have to." ~ Paul Ryan

"I will resist the charms of the banking lobby and use my spot on the Senate Banking Committee to investigate those responsible for the financial crisis." ~ Elizabeth Warren

"I will call a cab." ~ Amanda Bynes, Sen. Mike Crapo, Gerard Depardieu, Randy Travis, Jenna Jameson, Matthew Fox and all the other notable alleged drunk drivers

"When I'm in an austerity hole, I will stop digging." ~ UK Prime Minister David Cameron

"We will finally admit that the truth is not always -- in fact, almost never -- to be found by presenting two opposing points of view and then pointing to the middle." ~ The media

"We will learn that the best way to get rid of deficits isn't austerity but growth." ~ The EU

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"If I break any of my other resolutions, I'll do it indoors." ~ Kristen Stewart

"I will realize that I work for the American people, not America's banks." ~ The next Treasury secretary

"Take a road trip with my new BFFs, Barack and Bruce." ~ New Jersey Governor Chris Christie

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Arianna Huffington is the co-founder and editor-in-chief of The Huffington Post, a nationally syndicated columnist, and author of thirteen books. She is also co-host of "Left, Right & Center," public radio's popular political roundtable program, as (more...)

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