The Miss USA pageant claims its contestants are "savvy, goal-oriented and aware." In a pompous arrogance of self-deceit it even claims that contestants "display those characteristics in their everyday lives, both as individuals, who compete with hope of advancing their careers, personal and humanitarian goals, and as women who seek to improve the lives of others." The organization, like the Miss America contest, also requires its contestants to be single, never married, never pregnant and, apparently, never nude.
What it doesn't require is that its contestants have natural beauty or wisdom. There are coaches to train them in voice and poise. There are coaches who train them in what questions will be asked of them, and how to respond in the most circumscribed way possible to avoid showing they have any opinions. There are coaches to tell them what bikini, ball gown, or casual wear looks best on them. There are hair dressers and makeup artists. There are weight coaches and trainersà ‚¬"since pageant officials and their public audience undoubtedly believe that anyone over size 4 is morbidly obese. The contestants go to suntan parlors, and slather lotions and sprays to get an even tan to pretend that they're sun-drenched gorgeous. They use double-edge sticky tape to keep skimpy clothes from falling from almost-emaciated bodies, as well as to enhance whatever it is that needs enhancing or reducing. They get cosmetic surgery on cheeks, belly buttons, and their breasts, apparently to enhance or modify whatever geneticsà ‚¬"or, in the case of the highly religious, whatever Godà ‚¬"has given them.
Like any good media celebrity, Carrie Prejean has written . . . or co-written . . . or had someone else write an autobiography. This one will be published in November. The Miss California organization has just assured increased sales by publicly demanding all royalties from the book, because its stable of cookie-cutter perfect beauties can't say, write, or do anything without its permission, even after they are dumped as employees.
Unfortunately, cosmetic surgery and breast augmentation are something it does approve.
Walter Brasch's latest books are Sex and the Single Beer Can: Probing the Media and American Culture and Sinking the Ship of State: The Presidency of George W. Bush. Brasch is a syndicated award-winning columnist, author of 16 books, and a university professor of journalism. You may contact him through http://www.walterbrasch.com]
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