Both children and adults handle adversity better when they have had positive experiences in their lives. It's much easier to handle failure when your frame of reference is a positive one.
Bottom Line # 1:
Make an Empowerment Plan - Create opportunities for your youngster to develop feelings of self-confidence, importance and worthiness. Let them know you value them and their opinions!
Communicate with Your Child!
I don't mean simply listen as they tell you about their school day. Chances are if you ask how school was (a question so many kids hate) all you'll get is the word "fine."
Talking to your child about what they should be doing, driving them to activities, reminding them of dinner time, *nagging about homework, lecturing about keeping their room clean... all these are important components of parenting but do not constitute enlightened communication that shows interest, teaches, demonstrates love and as mentioned earlier empowers them.
*A note about homework nagging. Just my opinion... it's not very helpful and creates on-going stress and hassles. It's my belief that there are a variety of reasons kids procrastinate doing homework. In fact, it's an area where open discussions, probing questions and close listening will provide you with lots of useful input. Yelling and punishments may get the work completed, but make for more stress than it's worth.
Worse case (particularly for children who have the ability but lack the inclination) they'll receive bad grades and at some point, self-correct. I'm sure there are readers that may not agree and please feel free to comment below.
Bottom Line #2:
Create A Communication Protocol - Give thought about how you interact with your child, your tone of voice, how well you listen, the value you give to what's important to them, creating opportunities that allow and encourage self-expression and any way you can demonstrate that you are always available to them no matter what!
Generate A Stress-Free Atmosphere
OK. This one may seem a bit idealistic. However, once again it's a matter of introspection and becoming aware of what transpires in the home on a daily basis. Whether there are two parents or it's a single- family household you can manage the environment you create.
Is it easy? No. When a marriage is intact, there's often an incredible amount of inconsequential bickering. Do yourself and your child a favor... become aware and look at ways to help create a harmonious environment.
If you are a single parent you're probably running on empty! Perhaps you're a soccer mom. You can't change the fact that your spouse isn't providing enough or any child support, doesn't arrive on time to pick up your child on the weekend, don't receive support with discipline, feel stretched at all ends and to top it off have no social life.
As a single Dad you may harbor tremendous resentment that you get so little time to spend with your child. Custody laws are changing but generally tend to favor Mothers. Disagreements over how to raise your child can be a constant source of tension. Dads your loving, non-judgmental acceptance is critical.
All of the above are all real and valid stressors. It's not easy to react to frustrations with your child in a stress-free way. But the truth is, with thought and planning you can channel your reactions to stress, reduce the level of it you communicate to your child, create a more relaxed environment and ultimately make daily living enjoyable and healthy for all.
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