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Life Arts

My Pre-Christmas Interview With God

By       Message Richard Schiffman     Permalink
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"Ok, what about the Big Bang?" I blurted out.

"Who do you think banged the bang in the first place?" the Almighty bellowed, sounding like a cross between Rodney Dangerfield and Steven Hawkings with a megaphone. "Not to toot my own horn, but you are talking to the so-called First Principle himself, the guy who was there before there was a there to be."

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"That must have been lonely," I murmured sympathetically.

"Why do you think I got married?" was God's rueful reply.

"Still, there is the whole question of evil in the world," I pressed. "The holocaust for example -- people think that you should have prevented that."

"The wife says the same thing," God said, wincing from the TV lights which were trained on his eye-candy mate. "She tells me, you need to get out and intervene in history more, show them that you care, mix with your own creatures. I tell her, go out and mix with the creatures yourself, dear. That is your strong suit, not mine."

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"Are you suggesting that, having created the cosmos, you have now withdrawn from it?" I asked.

"I wouldn't go that far. But it's true that the little lady takes care of all the small domestic details," the Supreme Spirit confided. "While she is out there creating and destroying galactic clusters, I'm more of the big picture guy plugging black holes and keeping time and space from collapsing in upon themselves."

"How do you do that?" I asked.

"Mostly I stay at home and think a lot... Could you pass the tortilla chips?"

"Are you suggesting that everything that exists is merely a thought in your cosmic mind?" I stammered.

"A whim would be more like it," God revealed, with a conspiratorial wink and nod.

"That's scary," I replied.

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"Moses said the same thing," God noted with a shrug.

I sensed that the Deity wanted to change the subject. "It is not widely known that you are married," I said. "Could you talk a little about your wife."

"She doesn't listen to me," God replied.

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Richard Schiffman is the author of two spiritual biographies and is a poet based in New York City, as well as a freelance journalist. His passions are his love of nature, studying the world's great mystical traditions and activist writing and (more...)

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