A "car robber" with a sore bottom had a goatee. He looked just like Maynard G. Krebs (later Scooby-Doo), the prototype hippie from the 60s. He was suspected of grand theft auto by the girl and her dad. It was a gated community in Florida.
When the "car robber" came down from the blue sky, where he had been thrust upward by the goat's horns, he landed on dad's red MG. Head first. He said "Ouch." And other words.
The "car robber" was pressing charges for felonious assault, he said. Roger Ramjet was the name of the goat. He had gone too far, said the "robber."
The community had cops. They arrived in no time. It was a gated community. What happened? they asked, drawing their billy clubs.
Dad said the hippie was trying to rob his car. He was bent over the seat, said dad. I was just checking out your ride, man, said the "car robber," lying. He said, the goat rammed me. He said, I came down from the blue sky onto the red car. The black and white cops nodded.
Roger Ramjet was the name of the goat. He was a billy goat. The cops be-bopped the billy goat with their billy clubs. Just because. He was cuffed and stuffed into a car that was not red, but black and white.
The car that was black and white sped away. The car that was black and white screamed as it sped away. The goat said, "Baahhh."
The girl cried. The goat cried. The dad cried. We all cried, said the students and teachers of ________________ Elementary School.
The Goat Does Time
translated by John Hawkins
Long ago a girl had a goat. Long ago her dad had a red MG. Long ago the goat was sentenced and did big time for felonious assault. It was Florida.
The girl used to visit the goat in the federal pen. The girl brought him caps and capes, cans and canes, pans and panes. The goat smiled. The girl smiled.
The goat now looked like Maynard G. Krebs. The girl was sad. The girl remembered the robbery and the sore hippie. Now that Roger Ramjet looked like Maynard G. Krebs the girl was sad.
Soon the girl stopped coming to visit. The girl was not a girl any more. She had a boyfriend. The boyfriend had a goatee. The girl who was not a girl anymore liked to pet his goatee. Soon she forgot about Roger Ramjet. Who was doing time. Because he tried to stop a grand theft auto. But the judge disagreed.
One day the goat ran away from the prison while doing road work. The newspaper called him Cool Hoofed Luke. He was now a scapegoat. He had been framed. And brutalized. The goat was bitter. He would never be the same.
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