This piece was reprinted by OpEd News with permission or license. It may not be reproduced in any form without permission or license from the source.
"One of the proofs of the immortality of the soul is that myriads have believed it. They also believed the world was flat." - ibid.
"Man... is kind enough when he is not excited by religion." - comment by a horse, What Great Men Think of Religion, by Ira Cardiff
"The prophets wrote book after book and epistle after epistle, yet never once hinted at the existence of a great continent on our side of the water; yet they must have known it was there, I should think." - ibid.
"Christianity does not convert the Hindus, because our Bible miracles are not so large as theirs." - ibid.
"If you know a man's nationality, you can come within a split hair of guessing the complexion of his religion.... And when you know a man's religious complexion, you know what sort of religious books he reads when he wants some more light, and what sort of books he avoids, lest by accident he get more light than he wants." - ibid.
"If he was seeking after the Only True Religion, he found it in one or another of the three thousand that are on the market." - ibid.
"Missionarying - that least-excusable of all human trades." - ibid.
"After a long time and many questions, Satan said, 'The spider kills the fly, and eats it; the bird kills the spider and eats it; the wildcat kills the goose; the-well they all kill each other. It is murder all along the line. Here are countless multitudes of creatures, and they all kill, kill, kill, they are all murderers. And they are not to blame, Divine One?' 'They are not to blame. It is the law of their nature. And always the law of nature is the Law of God.' "- Letters From the Earth (Perennial Library, 1974), p. 13
"The human being ... naturally places sexual intercourse far and away above all other joys - yet he has left it out of his heaven." - ibid., p. 17
"Man is a marvelous curiosity.... He thinks he is the Creator's pet. ... He prays to Him, and thinks He listens. Isn't it a quaint idea? Fills his prayers with crude and bald and florid flatteries of Him, and thinks He sits and purrs over these extravagancies and enjoys them. He prays for help, and favor, and protection, every day; and does it with hopefulness and confidence, too, although no prayer of his has ever been answered. The daily affront, the daily defeat, do not discourage him, he goes on praying just the same. There is something almost fine about his perseverance. I must put one more strain upon you: he thinks he is going to heaven! He has salaried teachers who tell him that. They also tell him there is a hell, of everlasting fire, and that he will go to it if he doesn't keep the Commandments...." - ibid., "Satan's Letter," pp. 14-15
"You have noticed that the human being is a curiosity. In times past he has had (and worn out and flung away) hundreds and hundreds of religions; today he has hundreds and hundreds of religions, and launches not fewer than three new ones every year." - ibid., "Letter 3," p. 20
"Many of these people have the reasoning facility, but no one uses it in religious matters." - ibid., p. 24
"Even the Church, which is credited with having spilt more innocent blood, since the beginning of its supremacy, than all the political wars put together have spilt, has observed a limit. A sort of limit. But you notice that when the Lord God of Heaven and Earth, adored Father of Man, goes to war, there is no limit. He is totally without mercy - he, who is called the Fountain of Mercy. He slays, slays, slays! All the men, all the beasts, all the boys, all the babies; also all the women and all the girls, except those that have not been deflowered." - ibid., "Letter 11," p. 52
"Man is the religious animal. He is the only religious animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion - several of them. He is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself and cuts his throat if his theology isn't straight. He has made a graveyard of the globe in trying his honest best to smooth his brother's path to happiness and heaven." - ibid., The Damned Human Race, subsection: "The Lowest Animal," pp. 179-80
"In August 1572 ... in Paris and elsewhere in France ... it was Christian against Christian. The Roman Catholics, by previous concert, sprang a surprise upon the unprepared and unsuspecting Protestants, and butchered them by the thousands  both sexes and all ages. This was the memorable St. Bartholomew's Day. At Rome the Pope and the Church gave public thanks to God when the happy news came. During several centuries, hundreds of heretics were burned at the stake every year because their religious opinions were not satisfactory to the Roman Church...." - ibid., pp. 175-76
"No other creature's religion has wrought such marvels of murderous atrocity as the meek and lowly religion of the Frenchman....The Frenchman is nothing if not pious. He is not content to be pious all by himself; he requires his neighbor to be pious also - otherwise he will kill him and make him so. Yes, if that neighbor declines to lead a holy life, he will take an ax and convert him...." - ibid., The French and the Commanches, pp. 146--48
(Note: You can view every article as one long page if you sign up as an Advocate Member, or higher).
1
