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The Good News About Human Psychology According to Anthony de Mello, S.J.

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   The self is lost, and you become loving.

   This loving is a loving without an "attraction" for a given object.

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Only through conflict can you come close to someone.

Feelings cause most of our problems.

   Inordinate attachments are rooted in strong feelings.

Hatred, anger, grief, fear, love, joy, happiness -- compassion is not incompatible with these.

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When somebody has suffered a great loss, it is essential that he receive help to grieve.

A man who is full of life must be full of death.

Silence surfaces unfinished business.

The more you are "all there," the more you will remember.

The more you express your feelings to the person toward whom you "feel," the more you get in touch with your own feelings, and the more you get in touch with your own feelings, the more in touch you become with the feelings of others.

Empathy, congruence (my feelings are available to me and I have no fear to tell you, if appropriate), and non-possessive warmth are the three characteristics that contribute to making a successful therapist.

The way to deal with fear is to experience (feel) it.

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Anger is essentially linked with warmth and enthusiasm.

Closeness is not the same as attachment.

   Closeness is only possible through conflict.

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www.d.umn.edu/~tfarrell
Thomas James Farrell is professor emeritus of writing studies at the University of Minnesota Duluth (UMD). He started teaching at UMD in Fall 1987, and he retired from UMD at the end of May 2009. He was born in 1944. He holds three degrees from Saint Louis University (SLU): B.A. in English, 1966; M.A.(T) in English 1968; Ph.D.in higher education, 1974. On May 16, 1969, the editors of the SLU student newspaper named him Man of the Year, an honor customarily conferred on an administrator or a faculty member, not on a graduate student -- nor on a woman up to that time. He is the proud author of the book (more...)
 

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