Diary: Why I Became a Liberal

I grew up in a middle class conservative household. I had two loving parents who taught my brother and me to always do the "right thing." Don't steal, don't lie, love your neighbor as yourself, stay away from drugs, and take personal responsibility for your actions. We had a good life. We weren't rich, but we always had food on the table and clothes on our backs, and we loved each other.

I worked hard in school, and it paid off. I got a scholorship to college that helped offset some of the tuition costs. I played on the varsity baseball team, and had a pretty girlfriend. I loved my life, and my country.

I was such a fool.

My awakening began in college. One day while playing intramural football, Some guy on the other team cut my ankle with his cleats, and I required stitches. Fortunately, I was still covered under my parent's health insurance, and only had to pay a $20 copay to have my ankle sewn up. I realized then, that if my parents had let the policy lapse, I would have had to pay the doctor $150 out of my own pocket! SCREW THAT! Why should I have to pay for my own health care? Other people should pay for it. I don't care who, just as long as it doesn't come out of my pocket.

Then my girlfriend got pregnant because the school's free condom program didn't offer in-home delivery. If they only had more money for condoms, they may have been able to bring one to me, and the pregnancy could have been avoided. But, alas, the damned Replublicans gave all of the condom money to big oil, so we had a pregnancy to deal with. I knew what a baby would mean. My lifestyle would change. I enjoyed going to keggers and getting smashed every weekend. I wouldn't be able to do that with a baby at home. The cost of diapers would seriously cut into my weed money too. Why should my life be altered by some damned kid? It had to die! Thank God liberals had preserved the right to abort that baby and go on with my bangin' lifestyle.

After I graduated, I started my job search. Can you believe I actually had to apply for many jobs just to get one interview? Then when I did get an interview, they gave the job to someone else. When they told me the other person had more experience and better qualifications, I knew it was BS. I'm certain he got the job because he knows somebody, or has an uncle on the board or something. WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP!

When I finally did get a job from a fair-minded company, they wanted me to start at $32,000 per year. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?! How am I supposed to live in a Manhatten apartment, drive a BMW, and wear designer clothes on that kind of salary? There are other people working there who make 6 times that much money. Just because they have been there for 40 years, and have better titles, doesn't mean they should make that much more than me. I put in just as many hours when I was there. And then they fired me! They said it was because I wasn't producing. Whatever that means. I ONLY missed six days out of the first month. WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP! Thank God the government offers unemployment. I think I'll milk that for as long as I can. I deserve it for all the work I put in during my month long tenure.

When I file my income tax return every year, my newfound liberalism is reinforced. My tax return reminds me that there are many people who make much more than my meager income. Why should they make more than me? There is no reason they should have better homes and cars than I have. It makes me sick that they are able to afford 62" plasma TV's, and I have to settle for a measly 42". Even though my tax liability is $0, the government should tax those fat cats to the hilt, and give me some of the money. Its only fair. Then maybe those bastards will give me a raise.

Even though I was once a Republican, I just can't stand them anymore. Always talking about personal responsibility, and making your own way in life. WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP! I have a right to all the best things in life, and if I can't afford them, then the government shoud take them from some A-hole Republican and give them to me. I'm much better off now that I rely on the government for my healthcare, my job, my mortgage, my food, and my happiness. Without government giving me all these things, I would actually have to choose what I wanted to do with my money and my life. That kind of freedom is frightening, because what if I make the wrong choice? Then someone else might have more than me, and it wouldn't be fair. WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP!