29% like sitting on hot, crispy plastic. “It’s a riot--you’re poolside, sitting on a chaise, and when you stand up, the skin on your thighs almost snaps off,” remarked Mycki Worthington of New Baghdad, Indiana. “It gets me in touch with the suffering in, like, Darfur.”
29% like eating crayons. “I especially like Crimson and Rust Red,” declared Moose Washington of Oakland, California. “Puts me in mind of the Lord Jesus bleeding on the cross for the Democrats and other evildoers.”
29% enjoy urban gunfire. “Many a summer night, the missus and me like to sit on the front porch with a six pack,” commented Reuben Ridge of Philadelphia, “and listen to gangbangers shooting a few blocks to the north. The missus says it’s like free fireworks. Can’t tax that!”
29% still approve of Mr. Bush. “He’s so impressive, forever standing at attention in his flight suit, Mission Accomplished,” noted Chauncey Poodle of Sugarland, Texas. “He’s as red-meat, all-American as an oil fire in the Houston Ship Channel. Sweet Baby Jesus, what kind of fool could ever resist ol' Dubya?”