In fact, we hate this thing so much, that unlike bad movies, we refuse to even talk about it.
It's true. We're still a bigoted and biased society, and despite our many advances we continue to loathe certain groups who practice certain types of behavior, blindly, unfairly and without any justification.
In order to be decent nowadays, to be civil and co-exist with our co-workers, family, and neighbors, one must embrace America's patriotic hatred of non-fiction reading and non-fiction readers, and never, never, under any circumstances, discuss facts or historical events or associate with anyone who tries to do so.
It is a prerequisite to acceptance around the water cooler, at the gym, in the classroom, and at the family dinner table.
Paying to see a movie like "The Love Guru" (a movie that has grossed around $25 million 1) only to predictably come away disappointed and possibly permanently brain-damaged, is considered an honest mistake and an acceptable risk.
It's a trip to the circus where we might catch a glimpse of a real freak or legitimate natural curiosity, but more often than not we're simply duped by an ingenious showman who takes our money and lies to us, and in doing so, demands our continued love, admiration and devotion.
In fact, taking a trip to the movie theater and forking out $20 on tickets and junk food to sit in an air-conditioned, concrete cave, and subject oneself to 2 hours of "potty-mouth" jokes and "funny foreigner" sketches takes courage and a dedication to a kind of stubborn ignorance which only a few cultures in the history of civilization have been able to match.
Don't get me wrong readers, dabbling in Harry Potter, Romance novels and Westerns, Celebrity and Entertainment Bios or Pop Culture Magazines, while considered eclectic or "nerdy," is still acceptable as a break from the circus, because ultimately it's still considered unserious, silly, and a quiet hobby.
But beware and be warned my fellow Americans, that the moment one picks up a newspaper, a professional journal, a news magazine, or uses the internet as a tool for independent intellectual inquiry or enlightenment, in order to ascertain facts or the truth, one has sinned against their fellow countrymen and is a treasonous pinko, an ultra-liberal, communist egghead, divorced from the everyday "reality" of most Americans and a suspicious, shady, and deranged character.
So if you're going to read, then read Harry Potter, the DaVinci Code, the Bible, or any number of fairy-tales written about magic, magicians, and alternate worlds, and for god's sakes, stay home, keep it to yourself, and under no circumstances try to understand the world you live in.
"I just get sleepy when I read," said Richard Bustos of Dallas, a habit with which millions of Americans can doubtless identify. Bustos, a 34-year-old project manager for a telecommunications company, said he had not read any books in the last year and would rather spend time in his backyard pool. 2
Fair enough, Mr. Bustos, fair enough.
Mr. Bustos was quoted in 2007, the hottest year on record according to NASA, although according to NASA a few months later it was the second hottest, and again a few months later, the third hottest. 2 Apparently, not even our scientists are comfortable with factual analysis and reading anymore, and are content leaving communication and analysis to their computers, confining their language skills to 1's and 0's.
This too, is permissible and necessary and preferred to cracking open a newspaper or book full of an incomprehensible chain of ultimately useless and indecipherable 26-character code.
So stay in your pool and cool off, Mr. Bustos, and all the Mr. Bustos's around America. If you happen to be in a flood zone than this should be much easier. Turn on the radio, crack open a cold beer or an increasingly expensive bottle of water, because G-Damnit, like most of us living in the United States of Amnesia, you've certainly earned it.
After all, your hard work as a project manager undoubtedly entitled you to some time soaking up the rays and splashing around in your pool last year, although the figures are not certain it was certainly a hot one, and I hope that this summer finds you still making waves in your smooth, cement pit, sunning yourself and as content as a well-fed boa constrictor.
And now, for all you freakish, perverted readers of non-fiction, a news report on the situation in Iraq, partially leaked to the New York Times over 100 years ago:
Of late by reason of the conduct of the troops, such as the extensive burning of the barrios in trying to lay waste the country so that the insurgents cannot occupy it, the torturing of natives by so-called water cure and other methods, in order to obtain information, the harsh treatment of natives generally, and the failure of inexperienced, lately appointed Lieutenants commanding posts, to distinguish between those who are friendly and those unfriendly and to treat every native as if he were, whether or no, an insurrecto at heart, this favorable sentiment above referred to is being fast destroyed and a deep hatred toward us engendered.
And there's more.
The course now being pursued in this province...is in my opinion sowing the seeds for a perpetual revolution against us hereafter whenever a good opportunity offers. Under present conditions the political situation in this province is slowly retrograding, and the American sentiment is decreasing and we are daily making permanent enemies.
American non-fiction fans, ancestors of today's deranged perverts, weirdos, conspiracy theorists and lunatics, would have first come across these words, written by Major Cornelius Gardner, a West Point Graduate and commanding officer in the region, back in 1902, after he submitted his report to the Lodge Committee on the Military Atrocities in the Philippines.
He could not have known that his testimony and words would ultimately be suppressed in the interests of a fledgling American Empire, or that the man who forced him into his post would be honored some 100 years later for his calculated and opportunistic "heroism" during the conflict.
This is the 37th Medal of Honor I have presented, but the first I presented in the recipient's old office -- (laughter) -- in front of a portrait of him in full battle gear. It is a tradition in the Roosevelt Room that when a Democrat is in the White House, a portrait of Franklin Roosevelt hangs above the mantle, and when a Republican is here, Teddy Roosevelt occupies the hallowed spot.
I chose to break with the tradition these last eight years because I figured if we could have even half the luck and skill leading America into the 21st century that Theodore Roosevelt did in leading America into the 20th century, our nation would do just fine. ----President Bill Clinton speaking in 2001, posthumously awarding the Medal of Honor to Teddy Roosevelt, 5 days before President Bush's inauguration
Indeed, President Clinton, indeed. We have had just as much luck carrying on those traditions started by Roosevelt and others so long ago in the first part of this century, thanks in large part to the fact that we continue to ignore the words and opinions of men like Major Gardner.
When Roosevelt, acting as Secretary of the Navy, sent his cable to the Pacific Fleet, stating:
Dewey, Hong Kong:
Order the squadron, except the Monocacy, to Hong Kong. Keep full of coal. In the event of declaration of war Spain, your duty will be to see that the Spanish squadron does not leave the Asiatic coast, and then offensive operations in Philippine Islands. Keep Olympia until further orders.
ROOSEVELT
Surely, Mr. Roosevelt, like President Bush in Iraq and Afghanistan, had no selfish interest in the Philippines, other than to extend the umbrella of American liberty, culture and civilization over it with saintly benevolence.
No matter that he grew up surrounded and patronized by international shipping magnates and financiers in New York who were associated with his father, Robert Minturn being a close associate of Teddy Sr. and a fellow club member. Minturn, whose ancestors allied with the British East India Company, one of the first semi-autonomous international corporations, during the Opium Wars in China, even relayed their letters from Singapore to London. 3
No matter that his associations in New York also connected him to often treasonous, Pro-British Insurance Companies which sprang up all over the colonies before and after the American Revolution, ventures which were among the first state-chartered corporations to offer coverage not only in the U.S. colonies, but in "British Territories" as well, a sure sign that Anglo-American financial interests have long coordinated efforts despite the ideological incompatibilities of monarchy and democracy, honoring neither borders, nor laws, nor any system of morality; sheer power worship, plain and simple.
So, no matter that Roosevelt's fortune, education, privilege, and outlook, and "good luck," was due to the prosperity of our country's first international corporations, and reliant on their ability to control government, insurance rates, medical care, finance and ideology at home, above the government's prerogatives, while pursuing profit unhindered and in conjunction with foreign governments and enterprises overseas, at the expense of the "natives" and often against the wishes of local governments.
Similarly, there is no conflict of interest between President Cheney's connection to war profiteering entities such as Halliburton and KBR, or for that matter, no conflict of interest arising among any member of the administration with business connections to international joint-stock ventures with Anglo, French, and Dutch oil brokers. Absolutely none. Furthermore, there is no evidence that this behavior is not unique to American history or that 19th and 20th century New York provides any kind of comparison for understanding the motives of those currently in power, or the actions of government in wartime.
Today, as Mr. Roosevelt would have approved, and as President Bush also approves, and as President Clinton once hoped, we still torture "niggers" with water, as the Filipinos were called by American soldiers back then, and as Roosevelt firmly advocated as necessary to advance civilization, only today we call the "niggers" rag heads, towel heads, camel-jockeys, Osamas, etc... and in the tradition of scientific advancement, instead of making them drink water until they almost die, we force them to try and breathe it instead. This is progress, is it not? (Gardener's Report)
Today, we proudly and stubbornly carry on this mission, we refuse to read books and newspapers, we refuse to acknowledge an Empire devoted to enforcing one-sided contracts imposed on weaker nations and darker-skinned peoples by international corporations with roots in Continental European colonialism and finance, so that we, like Roosevelt and the business establishment he served, can keep the drugs and resources flowing, the generals and soldiers busy, the war industry booming, and all under the philanthropic guise of serving the poor and unfortunate natives by burning down their villages and stomping on their heads, wherever they may be.
Yes, we continue to neglect the words of Major Gardener and countless other sane minds serving in our nation's armed services, or those who read the newspapers and history books, who have given us sane words about our Empire over the years, because reading these words, and thinking about the implications of them is truly tiring. Even exhausting.
No, no, it makes much more sense to sit in a pool, or in the movie theater watching a terrible movie, especially as the world heats up.
Cheers America,
Here's to 2008 being the hottest year on record, and to not having the desire nor the ability to know if it will really be the truth or not, since not even our scientists attempt to measure the truth anymore.
