Many parents say that they wish to give their children the things that they never had but when many of them say this that are speaking of material things. I submit that the greatest gift that you could ever give any child is a hug and encouragement. These two things cost nothing but can add something to a parent much more precious than gold. A fatherless male child will seek another male figure from which to develop his sense of the world. A fatherless female child will lose the opportunity to judge what kind of mate she may seek. Provisions for children go far beyond clothes, food, and room and board. For them to know who they are, they need identity and that can only be gleamed from parents. If any one of these is missing then the child may never be whole. I made that mistake with my oldest and it's a mistake I will not make with the others.
Mothers and fathers excuse their absence based on their relationship with the other parent but how soon we forget that the child born to them stands to suffer the worst. The child, whose choice to be born to these people was not a choice that they made themselves but was made for them. They deserve nothing less than a few minutes of the parent's precious time. Give a child food and they will not go hungry, give a child clothes and they will not go cold, give a child real love and watch what happens.
To those who believe that notches on the bed post is a sign of masculinity, this revelation. Five minutes of fun does not a parent make! Parenting is a tough job, as it should be, because the reward is so much greater. The selfish act of degrading the other parent, based on your interactions with them, in front of the child will not diminish the need for the child to want to know them. It only succeeds in lowering their level of respect for you. Allowing them to see for themselves and understanding when they don't raises you to the level unattainable in any other life especially in their minds. At birth, children are born with an unconditional love for the parents and if any parent does not fight to maintain that they may not be worthy of the title.
The child does not choose to be parentless, the parents do. The child does not choose to live with a piece of them missing, the parents do. My daughter was born premature and the hospital personnel were trying to talk us out of taking her home so early. One of their biggest arguments was that our daughter might not survive and may grow weaker. Our answer was that with all of the love that she will be surrounded with, she will do fine. My daughter is now four years old growing on forty and so full of life that she can bring this Marine to tears with her laugh. Remember this, children do not care if you look fat in that dress nor do they care that your stomach has lapped over your belt. You are and always will be mommy and daddy but more importantly, you are their mommy and daddy. In the end, everything else matters less.
