The lack of energy can be just as destructive as
negative energy.
My roommate left today. He's worse off than when he first came to be my roommate. He did nothing to put himself in the current situation.
Absolutely nothing.
Ten months ago, S came in with his cat, Baby,
and little else. He was on unemployment and had some money from his parents and
assured me he could make the rent. He was over 300 pounds (6'1"), smoked
and couldn't move any of his belongings down the one flight of stairs of his
rat-infested SRO (Single Room Occupancy) without wheezing and looking as if he
would expire the next minute.
He was 42 years old.
He moved into a very large room with bath, large
walk-in closet and a view of the ocean. The room was painted a hunter's green
complimenting the view, had an IKEA corner wall unit, beautiful sliding window
panels and a just-varithaned teak parquet floor. The building is the
best-situated in serene Park Merced (San Francisco), has a laundry facility ...
and a gym.
Ten months consisted of eight trips to the
neighborhood mall with a single friend, one birthday dinner (thrown by me,
complete with double chocolate truffle cake), one attempt to stop smoking (the
patch wouldn't stick), one attempt to start an on-line jewelry distributorship,
a hundred episode repeats of Golden Girls, hacking, wheezing and snoring.
He was very good at snoring.
Ten months did not consist of 10-minute
workouts on a treadmill, forms of socializing (mall treks excepted), visits to
a doctor, or visits to any form of therapy. Nor any introspection whatsoever.
His unemployment ran out and his parents refused
to give him any more money. His one follow-up for employment was so slow that
the security guard company stopped calling.
Yesterday, Baby was taken to animal control and
thankfully picked up by an animal rescue team. Today, S settled into a homeless
shelter.
PLD: Post Lump Depression
I'm now suffering from PLD - Post Lump
Depression: the lack of energy and initiative in my roommate has effected my
health. After putting my apartment, my space, in jeopardy for a long time.
After hearing him snore while I was trying to accomplish things. After trying
to energize a negative energy mass. After all these things and more, I'm not
quite sure I have the requisite energy to get back to productive daily living.
I know I will eventually gather myself up and produce again, but I resent the
hole in time he produced - as if he inadvertently sucked out a small but
critical part of my life.
Negative Energy
When you deal with religion and politics, you deal with negative energy all the time: the righteous arrogance of people creates a formidable vacuum in one's soul. And when people tell you what you MUST do with your life, who you MUST love or MUST hate, who you MUST donate your energy to, who you MUST war against and destroy, the negative energy is toxic beyond belief.
So which is MORE toxic? Lack of energy that saps
more than the strength of the one who has no energy, or the negative energy of
righteous politicians and religious figures?
It depends on which one you can recover from. I
can recover from the disaster of a roommate who didn't pay the rent and was
depressing as hell in his sedentary life. Recovering from the machinations of
righteous arrogance takes more persistence and determination.
I hope I'll survive.
