In December of 2007 Nobel Laureate Al Gore gave an interview to Time Magazine in which he said, "When I was in the Snow and Ice Data Center, receiving a full briefing on the polar ice caps, afterwards I would turn on my TV and there were two networks with the bulletin: "Britney Spears loses custody of her children." We're living in a madhouse if our priorities focus on the embalming of Anna Nicole Smith, or the trial of OJ Simpson, while we ignore the greatest crisis this nation has ever faced."
Obviously Al Gore is not a golfer, nor a ratings expert, nor a psychiatrist versed in the intricacies of denial. Golf is like life only on a larger scale. Yesterday Tom Watson stood on 18 tee and the camera zoomed in on him taking a red drink from a plastic bottle and Paul Azinger said, "My palms are sweaty and Tom Watson is taking a drink of his energy drink." This would be like Mark McGwire coming to the plate to break the Sultan of Swat's home run record, calling for time and injecting himself with steroids. The DEA announced this morning that they are suspending their inquiry into Dr. Conrad Murray to focus on the chemical makeup of Tom Watson's energy drink on the eighteenth tee at Turnberry in Scotland, located by the Island of Firth and the Sea of Fescue.
The eternal mystery argued in bars worldwide has always been, "Would Cassius Clay have defeated Max Schmeling?" "Would Jack Nicklaus have defeated Bobby Jones?" "Would Paris Hilton have defeated Dr. Renee Richards?" Mike Tirico announced that Stewart Cink had more followers on Twitter than Lady Gaga but is Stewart Cink a hermaphrodite?
Tom Watson stood on 18 tee, took out his disco stick and bombed a monstrous drive dead center and the baby boomers wept with joy. His ball laying in the middle of the fairway, nestled gently on a grassy knoll, 187 yards from the flag, victory seemed all but certain. The legendary Mr. Watson had come straight out of the history books to deal Tiger Woods the knockout blow. Just when the world was focused on who was the greatest golfer of all time, Tiger or The Golden Bear, Thomas was on the verge off eclipsing them both.
Now the moment of truth. Tom Watson stood over his ball, in the middle of the fairway, 187 yards from the hole, 8 iron in hand. The green was huge, long and wide, a simple target, with no trouble in front. The only trouble was long, where there was a falloff slope. Tom hit the shot. Paul Azinger said, "He nuked it!" The ball headed right for the flag, landed short of the pin, and then bounded over the green, rolled down the slope and just into the rough. Tom putted 8 feet by and then hit the yippiest shankiest most viagra ridden putt in the history of golf coming back.
Now the question arises that will be debated forever or until the Nuclear Apocalypse in the next few months. How did a 60 year old nuke an 8 iron over 200 yards to blow the Open Championship?
In 2007 Tom Watson wrote an article for Golf Digest Magazine. Tom said, "Nutrition plays an important part in performing your best. You want to have enough energy to get through a round without fatigue or dehydration. My snacks of choice on the course are trail mix and an orange. I also like to keep hydrated in warm weather with a sports drink, diluted with water so it sustains my energy without giving me highs and lows."
The temperature as Tom stood in the 18th fairway 8 iron in hand was 55 degrees. Hot fun in the summertime. Had Tom taken out a 9 iron from 187 Bruce Edwards would have thrown a lightning bolt at Tom from heaven. Tom's drive on 18 was 274 yards. We aren't talking John Daly here. We're talking about a 60 year old who had a new hip inserted in October, 187 yards from the hole. Why did the 8 iron go over 200 yards?
The answer may lie on the website of PureSport Sports Drinks http://www.puresport.us PureSport Sports Drinks are endorsed by Michael Phelps, the bonging dolphin. If George Bush admits to being an alcoholic, if Bill Clinton admits to smoking marijuana, if Barack Obama admits to smoking marijuana and snorting cocaine, we put them in the White House. If Jane Public admits smoking marijuana at her trial for smoking pot, we put her in jail with another 1 million Americans and throw away the key. Why is it permissible for politicians to intensify their climaxes but not for average people?
Why did Tom Watson nuke that 8 iron over the world? The answer may lie on the home page of PureSport Sports Drinks. In the bottom right hand corner watch the PureSport Training Video. It begins with 3 time Olympic Gold Medal Swimmer Brendan Hansen bursting off the blocks. In the middle of the video the narrator says, "Lots of sports drinks give a high rush and then a crash." The high rush would be the nuked 8 iron on 18 and the crash would be Tom Watson's Van de Veldian shaky wobbly punch drunk performace in the 4 hole playoff.
Paul Azinger said of the nuked 8 iron, "Tom's adrenaline must really have been pumping." Yes, Tom's adrenaline was pumping, but why? Could it have been the energy drink he drank on the 18th tee? Many a slip occurs between the cup and the lip.