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"Checkers" Doubt Birther Taitz Paid the $20K, Demand Proof

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> It would seem that, the longest running bone-headed maneuver by Queen Bee Birther - other than her Birther activities, themselves - has come to an end. After failing to get the Supreme Court to woosh in and save her bacon, Orly swallowed, pulled out a check, and paid up the $20,000 she owed Judge Land for engaging in undue legal frivolity in his courtroom.


A hot new counter-conspiracy theory is already on the rise, spiraling out of Birther mythology much like the "Earthers" we've previously reported on. But this new theory isn't arguing whether Obama is or is not a Natural Born Citizen, but whether Orly Taitz actually paid up her money or not.

The group - calling itself "Checkers" - is convinced that Orly still owes $20,000 dollars to Judge Land, and that the image of the check is either a total phony, or doesn't provide enough evidence to prove that the money was indeed handed over.

"What most Americans don't realize is that a short-form check, like what Orly's posted online, doesn't have enough information," Allen Bees announced today: "The only way we can be certain of the money having been paid, and Orly actually being off the hook, is to see the long-form check, which would have all the information, and show both sides.

"All she would have to do is show it to us, and we'd be satisfied. Why won't she show us the long form of the check? It's a bit puzzling."

Another, some say the first Checker, Bill Furg, not only reiterated what Mr. Bees said, but also pointed out that the signature on the check does not match Orly Tatiz's other signatures, nor does her handwriting seem at all similar. Several anonymous handwriting experts came forward on Furg's website, ORLYGATE, to add their testimony to his, and promise to reveal more of their credentials sometime next week, provided they get some tasty paypal donations.

Rational debunking of their claims does not seem to work. The fact that covering up the routing numbers, address, and other information is a sensible thing? A sign of her hiding something! The fact that the check has clearly been franked? A sign of it being a forgery! Telltale anti-counterfeiting marks in place? A sign of it being a really good forgery!

Calls to the Bank of America to confirm that this particular check was legitimate was met with an unhelpful stone wall of "no comment," followed by a non-denial denial from Myron Steelshanks - Chief Teller of Orly's Branch in California.

"No one outside of the owner of the checking account, the person it was written to, and bank employees have any business whatsoever looking at a full, information-laden check," he said: "If I have to explain why, you're an idiot. If you have no problem wanting to look at someone else's financial information, take the initiative and post your own up online so complete strangers can play with it. And have a nice day."

Mr. Steelshanks' tantrum was oddly backed up by the bank, itself, which quickly sent around an internal memo stating that, due to the large number of Checkers calling up to verify that Orly Taitz's check was legitimate, all tellers had the right to refuse to even give such persons the time of day, and could blow rape whistles into the phone and hang up with total corportate impunity.

Having been stonewalled by the Bank of America, the Checkers are weighing their legal options. Still others have detailed stranger scenarios, such as the one that proves, extensively, with much legal documentation, that immigrants from Moldavia aren't Constitutionally allowed to write checks in the first place. However, most Checkers admit that Vinnie Gotfriedo's theories are just a little "out there."

Are the Checkers right? Did Orly weasel out of yet another chance to pay her debt to the American legal system? Is the American government, banking system, and Obama himself in on the conspiracy to deny Georgia $20,000 that could be spent on getting Judge Land another solid gold golf cart?

Only time will tell... But as it's Tuesday, here's Thomas Dolby to help us out. We have, indeed, been blinded by science.


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J. Edward Tremlett is a lot of things, currently. He's back in the states after a seven-year stint in Dubai, UAE. He's been published in such diverse places as The American Partisan, the International American, The End is Nigh, Pyramid Magazine (more...)

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