The Future War With Canada
by Rob Kall OpEdNews.com
I spent this past weekend in Ottawa, the capitol of Canada. As I was landing at the Ottawa airport, I had a flash of premonition, forseeing a time twenty-four years from now, when, like Baghdad, Ottawa will be a capital about to be under military attack.
Why 24 years?
By 2004, the failing economy will do George in. The democrats will successfully bring in the vote for a winning candidate -- a new target for Rush Limbaugh and his right wing ditto-head crony specialists in hour long put downs and personal attacks. This will be a big relief to Limbaugh and friends, since they really are happier grousing and complaining.
Let’s prognosticate that the winning Democratic presidential candidate will be a big name from out of the political blue-- say Robert Redford or Dennis Weaver, Martin Sheen, or perhaps an acerbic wit, like Lily Tomlin, Robin Williams, or a pro-athlete, with a VP running mate from the world of politics-- Nancy Pelosi, perhaps, or, with full Republican vilification-- Hillary. The Dems may actually decide that the shrill sounds of White Republican men attacking Hillary may actually incense enough women to swing the election.
It’ll take two democratic terms before the American public, in 2012, again amnesically succumbs to Republican tax pledges and forgets the damage Republicans always do, once they get their hands on the reins of power. Come 2013 it will be Jeb Bush’s turn at the helm of the destructo-mobile, or maybe brother Neil, who managed to lose over a billion dollars in the Silverado Bank scandal. Hey, brother George will cost the US trillions, but he has the advantage of being president. If Neil could "lose" (does that mean transfer to friends) a billion while a private citizen, then the US might just start thinking of economics in terms of quadrillions-- as in, President Neil Bush, by the end of his single term of office, in 2016, had caused the US to go into to debt over a half a quadrillion dollars.
Prognosticating a bit further along, we can expect another Democratic presidential team to be elected in 2020. Since dynasties seem to be en vogue, perhaps we’ll see Amy Carter or a young but over 35 and eligible Chelsea Clinton. Or, maybe we’ll see the next generation of 50+ celebrities-- Matt Damon, Tom Cruise, Helen Hunt, or also over 35 and eligible, Leonardo DiCaprio or Brittany Spears.
Of course there will also be a host of candidates vying from the senate who were veterans of the Iraqi-Saudi Arabian Wars (heck, if you’re going after oil, you might as well saunter over to the country next door after bringing all those troops to Iraq. After all, there were all those Saudi WTC 911 guys, and the Saudi’s were discovered to be buying nuclear missile technology from our former ally, Pakistan. Younger vets from the brief North Korean debacle and more junior congressmen and women who survived the Nigerian and Venezuelan oil field wars will probably not make much progress past the Vermont, Guam and Iowa state primaries. Perhaps the Senator from the state of Puerto Rico will have a chance to get past Iowa, with his Latino demographic support at 30 percent of the US population.
But, by 2024, it will be time for the next Republican president. By then, unless the corporate right to be treated as a person is revoked by constitutional amendments, mega-corporations will have locked in the election vote counting technology so completely that they’ll be able to make the election look like a close call, but they’ll steal it for the Republicans. Even if the trend to computerize voting is reversed-- and brought back so people use the computer to select a proper unconfusable, clearly printed ballot, which is then hand validated and hand counted, the gold standard for reliability, which should never have been sacrificed for the efficiency of computerized, corruption vulnerable ballots-- the Republicans will take this turn at the polls.
Jenna Bush will become the 47th president, in spite of time spent in rehab for her youthful habits, which she will cavalierly deny. She’ll have been born again-- as a political dynamo, and people will love her second husband Javier, whose career has been a huge crossover success since he moved from Latino hip-hop to unplugged trance techno.
President Jenna Bush will be in her second year in office when she discovers that not only are her approval ratings lagging, but that the oil reserves of the Iraqi, Saudi, Nigerian and even the more recently acquired Venezuelan territories are almost gone.
Shockingly and tragically, the Homeland Security triumvirate will report that our neighbors to the north have been discovered to possess weapons of mass destruction-- nuclear bombs. (It won’t matter that the bombs were placed there at the behest of the US, as an ally resource.)
It will be necessary for the US to amass troops along the Alaskan borders of Canada to protect the planet from attack by the belligerent province of Nunavut and it’s former seal hunting inhabitants. Because of our long history of friendship with the previously thought to be gentle and reserved Canadians, we will, after a brief occupation of the capitol, allow them to maintain their business as usual in the southern provinces. But we will take over their northern territory, which, by coincidence is loaded with the world’s largest untapped supply of oil.
The out-sourced, privatized military, managed by Enron-WorldCom-Carlyle Group Naval and Air divisions establishes bases and supply routes allowing implementation of the traditional (over the last 20 some years) War-Cost-Recovery-Drilling operations.
On the day Commander-in Chief Jenna announces that the troops have taken over what’s left of the mostly melted by global warming (which Jenna also denies the existence of) walrus fields, her Dad, getting close to eighty, announces he is entering the hospital to dry out again, and for dual hernia repair due to attempting to bench press his weight in clonal immunobodies-- the most valuable substance on earth, primarily used to treat the one trillion plus sufferers of AIDS..
Trent Lott, still a senator, announces he is proud of Jenna, that the only person who could have been a better president was Strom Thurmond.
Rob Kall firstname.lastname@example.org is a writer, inventor and organizer of advanced, beyond the basics meetings which bring together knowledge leaders in newly emerging fields.
StoryCon (www.storycon.org) his most recent project, brings together experts in story from diverse fields to a summit meeting to discuss the Art, Science and Application of Story, with the goal of better understanding how the power of story can be tapped to both entertain and make the world a better place. His Winter Brain Meeting explores non-drug approaches which enable personal responsibility for health, optimal functioning optimal functioning and peak performance.