Ask The Swami

by Swami Beyondananda

Swami Keeps His Turban on in California Gubernatorial Race

Dear Swami:

I was surprised to see that your name was not among the many candidates who have put themselves on the ballot for the California recall election. I mean, there's Schwartzenegger, Arianna Huffington, Gary Coleman and I heard that even Father Guido Sarducci was going to give it a shot. Why not you, Swami?

Morty Merriyer,

Los Gatos, California

Dear Morty:

Clearly all the clowns have already run out on the field, so I am not needed for this particular gubernatorial circus. Any one of them -- especially Arnold -- would make a better goober than me, anyway. Having appeared in my own lesser-known series of action flicks as the Turbanator, I can definitely see the appeal of celebrity, although I must say, turning electoral politics into an expanded episode of Entertainment Tonight adds an embarrassing insult to an already gravely-injured body politic.

Einstein said that a problem can never be solved at the level it was created, so maybe we need to rethink the entire concept of electing a governor. Instead of being stuck at the level of growling dogmas and uncivil defensiveness, why not simply write out a job description, and see who qualifies? If the electoral process is going to be turned into a made-for-TV "reality" show with its own "action figure," why don't we find an action figure who'll actually act in our behalf? And if we're going to have a circus, then let's find a ringmaster who'll truly create a Big Top big enough to include all?

" " " "

Dear Swami:

I am a marriage counselor, and over the past several years I've noticed a disturbing phenomenon. It used to be that one partner would have an affair, and this triangle would often destroy the marriage. But lately, I've been noticing a trend where both partners simultaneously get tangled up with someone else, and it wrecks the marriage. What do you make of this?

Lola Beado,

Stone Mountain, Georgia

Dear Lola:

Well, this certainly adds another side to the triangle, doesn't it. Sounds like a wreck-tangle to me.

" " " "

Dear Swami:

For years, we've been hearing about this Age of Aquarius they talk about, but look what we've got -- perpetual warfare, the makings of a police state, economic and environmental degradation. Where's the harmony and understanding? The sympathy and trust? Are we dealing with dyslexic astrology, or is this a cruel joke? When can we expect this Age of Aquarius, anyway?

Ann Sadat,

Sebastopol, California

Dear Ann:

Yes, this is a Frequently Asked Question, all right. Everywhere I go in this country, people are saying, "I coulda sworn I voted for West Wing? How'd we end up with the Sopranos?" Well, the good news is, the Age of Aquarius is indeed on its way -- but first we must go through the Age of Nefarious -- because, hey, doesn't any good quest involve a test? And we can shorten the time frame of the Nefarian Age with our conscious, loving, laughing actions. How do I know? Well, I posed the very same question in a recent meditation, and the answer I got can only be described as a channeled message from the Fifth Dimension:

When the goon moves into Lincoln's House

And stupider aligns with Mars

Then greed will rule the planet

And fe-ear obscure the stars

This is a warning, it's the Age of Nefarious

The Age of Nefarious .... Nefarious ... Nefarious

Harmony and understanding

Sympathy and trust don't count here

Just a twisted cynic mission

Breeding fearfulness, division

Time to tell a brand new vision

Go for fusion 'stead of fission

Turn Nefarious ... to Aquarius

Nefarious to Aquarius

Let the sun shine

Let the sun shine in

The sun shine in

Let the sun shine (solar power)

Let the sun shine in (transparency in government!)

Let the Son shine (the Divine light of Soular power)

The Son shine in (the real heart of Jesus -- it's do unto others, George, not doodoo)

Let it shine ....

� 2003 Steve Bhaerman. May be circulated with appropriate attribution. To join the Right To Laugh Party or help create a job description for California's Governor, visit Swami online at

http://www.wakeuplaughing.com

or call (800) SWAMI-BE.