If Chanukkah has eight days, and Christmas has twelve, then it is surely not too late to give our kids a great gift: The gift of self-esteem, purpose in living, uplift, knowing their resources, and more.

::::::::

Dear friends:

If Chanukkah has eight days, and Christmas has twelve, then it is surely not too late to give our kids a great gift: The gift of self-esteem, purpose in living, uplift, knowing their resources, and more.

I consulted an expert about a young family member's depression and stress which goes hand-in-glove with stepping out on one's own for the first time, bearing financial responsibility during a time when rents are out the roof and the economy is down. What a stress, eh?

"Kids may have very limited ideas of what their resources are. Broaden their horizons, show them fun, and let them know what is at their fingertips" this expert wrote to me. It sounded to me like very good advice.

So I put together a colorful binder which I printed out on my computer, with dividers into various categories, such as:

~Self-esteem: I quoted various friends, neighbors and a few casual acquaintances (to stress how wonderfully this young person affects others) in nice things they had said about him/her. Each quote was in a different color, to catch the eye and look attractive. It was so fun to do!

~Resources: Job ideas related to this person's interests, schooling, other opportunities

 ~Free entertainment (kids don't have much money when first leaving home, right?) I researched on the Internet for free events in our area and couldn't believe how much I came up with. Almost two pages of free concerts and free concert series, the Amateur Astronomer's Club which has free stargazing parties open to the public, bird watching, and of course hiking and biking, etc. I popped a map of the heavens into the binder and reminded this person that the empty hill next to the apartment complex where s/he lives would be a good place to stargaze, with friends. And of course, in many cities there are grants allowing museums to be free once a month. I can also tell you that everywhere and anywhere, ushers are needed for concerts, plays, etc with the benefit of free entry to the performance. Some ushers who show up regularly even end up with a paid job. All you have to do is to call the Administration of the entity hosting the event, ask for the head usher, sign up for a particular date, show up dressed as required by the head usher (usually black/white with shoes not sandals) and then you hand out programs, help people to their seats and get a free show. Some organizations even allow kids to hand out programs, so long as parents are there with them. Public service, free event, bingo! In fact, the more events you usher, the more you will be liked for it. Win-win!

~The best things in life are free such as: Hugs, kisses, moonlight walks, singing, poetry readings at home with friends (potluck), dancing to the stereo, candlelit dinners with one's significant other, etc. (surprise: These kids hadn't even thought of the latter! It's amazing what one forgets when stressed. It's important to remind them, even of the smallest thing!) I also suggested potlucks as a way to entertain and still not stretch the budget. In fact, there might even be left-overs to chomp on. (Since kids can't afford to entertain, we might as well work with the reality, eh? After they have their finances together it's of course a different matter). 

~Health info: Diet, how to destress and decompress (exercise, supplements, good food, free or sliding-scale health clinics, call a friend every day, etc)

~A recipe section, with favorite recipes from our family (assuring that they eat healthfully, or at least to provide them the means if they so choose. We also offered to teach this youngster how to cook favored meals, on a weekly basis, with left-overs to be shared among us and and the rest dished out for the youngster's freezer. That way we get the joy of their fun and much-loved company while they also get a healthy meal once a week, plus left-overs for use at their own leisure.

~Great quotes and attitudes passed on by family members, tucked into the book on every page

~Fill-in-the-blanks lists for the young person to fill out: Gratitude list, how we can understand and give ourselves love, self-acceptance, turning negatives around to positives (in Chinese the character used to spell "Crisis" is the same as the character used for "opportunity"), more

~A section with funny chuckles and pearls of wisdom, interlaced. I just love the wisdom imparted in the most funny way in Swami Beyondanda's Guide to Enlightenment,  which I tucked into the binder:  www.geocities.com/~spiritwalk/guidetoenlightenment.htm

It was so exciting to see how this young family member and a friend poured over the binder. It did just what I had hoped for: Provided uplift, hope, esteem bolstering. And it was one of the most fulfilling projects I had ever done. To the young family member, although a stocking stuffer, it was the best Christmas present of all of them. The young family member also commented how helpful it was to have resources all together, on one or two pages, in lists.

I think we are kidding ourselves if we say to kids "Just say no to drugs". I think creativity abhors a vacuum, and needs to be filled in healthy ways. If we give our kids ideas of what to do in order to have healthy and fulfilling fun, which uplifts the soul and leaves a permanent fingerprint instead of the temporary high afforded by drugs, then we are on the right track. Then, and only then, does it even become possible to "just say no" to drugs.

In order for that "no" to happen, there has to be a "yes" to something positive. I say: We adults must join our kids in so saying. Of course let's have skateboarding everywhere and anywhere it's safe! Of course let's have alchohol-free dances on a weekly basis for our youth, in teen centers in every town! Of course there are (should be) outlets for our kids to perform, at any age! Open mikes in the cafes for families on family night, teen center talent shows, anything healthy and appropriate should be opened up far and wide! Horsebackriding for families, anyone?

"Just say YES!" to healthy, cool and fun activities, "Just say YES!" to kids!

Then we will have the drug-free (or drug-reduced) society which we are looking for.

May I suggest too that with the amount of time spent in the schools, and the influence that has on the inner life, that schools have an often overlooked role to play in the drug/sex/alchohol explosions among our kids. Over-stressed, with their curiosity under-fed while they cram facts and figures in their heads which are to be forgotten promptly anyway, our kids are bored out of their minds and frustrated, strained, in some cases not even given recess time. How can we expect our kids to perform like robots, spit out facts and numbers like a machine, and expect them to act with dignity and respect? If we herd them like cattle to the ringing of the bells, treat them like robots and conveyor belt products to produce in a job machine, then how can they respond with dignity when thus stripped of it? If we want our kids to respond with dignity, we must first treat them with that respect and love, in consideration of their youthful needs. Youth need to play (they need recess). Every human being needs breaks. If bells were dulcimer-like chimes that would be a lot more soothing than an alarm which makes your spine cringe. Brain cramming (ie studying for tests) is not the same as education: In fact, it teaches our kids to be habitually bored. When we are turned off, we also turn off the learning facility. We no longer take in information: In fact, we screen it out. So much for "education".

While visiting San Francisco's Exploratorium, a hands-on experimental science museum, a family member noted that there was not one case of attention deficit or wandering attention. Not from four-year-olds, not from grandparents, and not from anyone at any age inbetween. Everybody was having such a blast that if they even knew they were learning, they forgot all about it. Blowing winds through sands behind glass and watching the wind patterns snake their way through the beige particles; turning the pitch up and down on a sound machine and watching the beautiful sound wave patterns formed in the sand; walking through a whirlwind machine; this and so many more fun experiments engaged eye, body, and emotion alike. Everybody was thrilled and everybody's curiosity was stimulated.

If education was geared toward stimulating curiosity, if questions were encouraged, if thinking itself was cultivated, if emotions were appealed to in wonderful and beautiful ways, if the arts were used as a tool to develop wonder and character in life (more about this later), etc....then we might not have the frustrated creative energy seeking the negative channels now sought by our kids.

Expecting our very young kids to sit like Grandma in the Tea Parlor, from age six on, is hardly realistic. How about hands-on in our educational system?

Arts education statitics emailed by US Representative Lynn Woolsey's office would testify to the importance of arts in the schools:

Kids with an arts background, according to US statistics, a) score an average of 100 points higher on their SAT's b) are more likely to be of public service as adults c) at-risk youth are 45% (or was it 55%? quoting conservatively at 45%) less likely to repeat their crimes.

Now that's a testimony, isn't it?

Respect, developing wonder and curiosity, the arts, and allowing kids their youthful need for play and fun may just be keys to developing a healthy psychology, which in turn would doubtlessly help not only the drug and alchohol overuse but would also reduce the crime rate. Or, so one would think, anyway.

For the rest, we at home can give our kids the gift of self-esteem, resources printed out in lists, broadened horizons, and general sense of "I can" and "I'm good" and, above all, a sense of hope.

Thank you all for your help and if you agree with this, please spread word.

Authors Bio:
This quote summarizes the nature of my concerns and the content of personal experiences which stir my activism:

"Necessity is the plea for every infringement on human freedom. It is the argument of tyrants; it is the creed of slaves". --Paul Revere, House of Commons