Gather all ye faithful around the sacred campfire for the good news about our shining Ship Of State.

For example, a bundle of righteous-rapture right-wingers are unhappy about the obviously pagan and ungodly activities taking place in our very own military. Better grab the smelling salts for this one -- it seems some of our good Christian Soldiers are actually practicing ... yoga. Good heavens, what a sacrilegious affront to our sacred military traditions!

Salon reports the latest blasphemy this way:

"Tony Perkins, the head of the Family Research Council, a right-wing Christian think tank that has been classified as a hate group, has flipped out over a 'wacky' new initiative being tested in U.S. military training programs. No, it's not the end of 'don't ask, don't tell' -- it's yoga and meditation classes. A new Mind Fitness Training program being tested in the U.S. military has integrated yoga, breathing classes and meditation alongside other more traditional training regimes to keep soldiers calm and mentally fit and to reduce depression and use of alcohol and drugs. To Perkins, however, this new initiative is a stand-in for one's personal relationship with God.

"When he heard about the goals of the program -- that yoga promotes relaxation, mental calm, productivity and restraint from substances -- he exploded:

"'What a coincidence--so does faith! Unfortunately, the military seems intent on driving religion out and replacing it with wacky substitutes,' he said on his morning radio program. 'They've added atheist chaplains, Wiccan worship centers, and now, meditation classes. But none of them are as effective or as constructive as a personal relationship with God. Unfortunately, though, it's mind over what matters -- and that's faith.'"

Now just to be clear, dearly beloved, this outrage is over the idea that our servicemen and women might be relieving stress through peaceful, healthy means that don't involve white phosphorous, or semi-automatics. Seems Mr. Perkins is not concerned about the decidedly un-Christian use of tanks, bombs, guns and other weapons our troops employ to blast a bloody path through the oily Mideast. He's never raised his voice in righteous indignation over the torture of innocent Muslims, or alleged prisoners of war, or GITMO detainees, or the human collateral damage incurred when our fighting forces accidentally bomb a wedding party, or village, or school or hospital and send lots of little innocents to their final reward. Nary a peep.

Closer to home, what concern is expressed over our recent veterans' massacred mental states? The psychological trauma our brutalized troops are left to face with little or no mental health services to assist them in the transition from killing machine to, say, hardware store manager? Wracked with PTSD, what about the violence they often bring home to their families? As Salon reports...

"In 2012, the U.S. military averaged one suicide every single day, with service members were -- shockingly -- more likely to commit suicide than be killed on the battlefield."

Noooooo . . . . these intrepid evangelicals are worried that our enlisted forces are temporarily trading their dog tags for downward facing dog.

So far, service members appear to appreciate the program, according to the Salon article...

"'A lot of people thought it would be a waste of time,' Sgt. Nathan Hampton said to the Washington Post. 'But over time, I felt more relaxed,' he continued. 'I slept better. Physically, I noticed that I wasn't tense all the time. It helps you think more clearly and decisively in stressful situations. There was a benefit.'"

And all that tree-hugging, granola-munching peacenik that might slow their trigger fingers when it's time to aim for the towel, thereby ebbing the flow of of massacred Muslim bodies rising toward the heavens. Can't have that.

Namaste!