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March 19, 2011

The Tea Party Congress's 20 Best Job Creation Bills

By John Blumenthal

The Tea Party Congress and Job Creation

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House Republicans have come up with a new gimmick -- putting the words "Jobs Creation Act" at the end of every bill in order to camouflage the real intent of the legislation. Here's a comprehensive list of all the "jobs legislation" the Tea Party Congress has  introduced so far:

HR 211: The Let's Make Social Security Really Hard to Get by Creating Tons of Incomprehensible Paperwork  Jobs Creation Act.

HR 675: The Harrassing Abortion Doctors is Totally Okay with Us Jobs Creation Act.

HR2240: The Let's Deport All Illegal Aliens Except the Ones Who Work for Us Jobs Creation Act.

HR 124: The Abolish the EPA Because We Don't Believe in Science Anyway and Al Gore is an Idiot Jobs Creation Act.

HR 555: The Protect Clarence Thomas from Impeachment Even Though He Deserves it because it Makes People Think We Like Black People Jobs Creation Act.

HR 776: The Let's Make it Really Hard for Women to Get Abortions Unless it's One of Our Daughters and We Don't Like Her Boyfriend Jobs Creation Act.

HR 766: The Let Lobbyists Hand Out Cash on the Floor of Congress Jobs Creation Act.

HR 43: The Let's Change the Country's Name to "The United States of Ronald Reagan" Jobs Creation Act.

HR 786: The Let Prisoners Have Guns Jobs Creation Act.

HR 111: The Smart People Vote for Democrats so Let's Fire All the Teachers and Close the Libraries Jobs Creation Act.

HR 44: The We Really Need a Statue of Jesus on the White House Lawn Like Right Away Jobs Creation Act.

HR 4456: The Let's Give All the Money in the Country Except Ours to the Koch Brothers Jobs Creation Act.

HR55654: The Lets Make the President Produce His Birth Certificate and Ten of His Favorite Bath Tub Ducks or We Won't Believe He's Really President Jobs Creation Act.

HR55A: The Let's Not Let People in Blue States Vote Anymore Jobs Creation Act.

HR5T: The Let's Gag Rachel Maddow and Lock Her in a Shoe Closet Jobs Creation Act.

HRT65: The Let's Redesign the Capitol Dome Because it Looks Too Much Like a Breast Jobs Creation Act. 

HR6YT5: The Let's Replace all American History Textbooks in US Schools with the One Michelle Bachmann is Writing Jobs Creation Act.

HR4445: The Let's Make Handicapped Veterans Buy Their Own Wheelchairs because That Way We'll Cut the Deficit a Lot and Nobody Will Notice Jobs Creation Act.

HR000: The Let's Force Gay People to Move to France because French Guys Wear Berets so They Must All be Gay Jobs Creation Act.

HR569d: The Let's Keep Putting the Words "Jobs Creation Act" at the End of all of our Legislation because it's a Really Effective Way to Make Our Really Gullible Voters Think We Really Give a Damn about Creating Jobs Jobs Creation Act.



Authors Bio:
John Blumenthal has been a professional comedy writer for 25 years. A former associate editor and columnist at Playboy Magazine (following a short stint at Esquire), he's written 8 books and 2 produced movies. His films include "Short Time," (major flop), and "Blue Streak" (huge hit, no idea why.) His last two novels, both published by St. Martin's Press, were "What's Wrong With Dorfman?" and "Millard Fillmore, Mon Amour," (only available online now). They were both huge bestsellers among the members of his immediate family.

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