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November 16, 2010

BECKWATCH: On Rick Perry - An Homage To Molly Ivins

By Kevin Tully

Read Rick Perry's new book and see if you want him for President - Glenn probably Does.


Molly Ivins by Andrew Garib

QUOTE OF THE DAY: "Next time I tell you someone from Texas should not be president of the United States, please pay attention." Molly Ivins

Research topic: The Articles Of Confederation

I love Texas with all my heart. I am a Texan through and through. I'm even one of the very rare Texans who has lived in Lubbock and Beaumont and attended both iconic Texas universities -- Texas A&M and The University of Texas. I play golf and attend Eeyore's Birthday bash. So, when I say that my Governor Rick Perry has either been body snatched by Glenn Beck or he has, sadly, pandered to Glenn to pay back a political favor -- I do so with a very heavy heart.

Texas Governor Rick Perry's campaign stopat Skeeter's Mesquite Grill, Kingwood,T by accent on eclectic

In the spirit of the late Molly Ivins, I will now employ biting, devastating satire and sarcasm to characterize Governor Perry: If a hair-do was "...having appointed every important pol...or... (here I'm struggling to find a simile* one that works with Perry, omitting like and as, of course) -- unfortunately I'm a very poor imitator. So, I'll do what I do best: make comparisons and cast aspersions.

Is Rick Perry a panderer? No, he certainly doesn't fit any of the definitions, e.g., "someone who procures customers for whores." In fact I have been using this word a lot and I'm going to stop -- the definitions are filthy. I'm going to switch to brownnose. Is Rick Perry a brownnoser? I think so.

Why? Well, last February Glenn Beck and his sidekick, who it has been rumored worked for Howard Stern in the past (but that's another story), on his radio show, accused Gov. Perry of being a progressive -- this is the worst thing Glenn can say about anybody. Debra Medina, a nurse from Beeville, maybe a 9/11 truther, a Tea Partier and a candidate in the recent Texas Republican Gubernatorial primary was possibly poised to kick both Kay Bailey Hutchinson's and Rick Perry's asses. However, Glenn invited Debra to be on his radio program and I'm sure she was elated; this was going to be the coup de gras to Perry's campaign.

Amazingly, Glenn pushed her for an answer on her feelings about the 9/11 conspiracy theories, she gave the wrong answer and Glenn and his cohorts chortled and snickered like middle school boys that had just called the local butcher shop and inquired if they "have frog legs" -- "put your pants on and nobody will notice." Yeah, there was a coup de gras but it was Debbie with her spinning head in her hands. My goodness, why would Glenn do this**? Why would he enable the "progressive"? He "hates" Woodrow Wilson but not Rick Perry -- why? Your guess is as good as mine, "Who can fathom the unstable mind?" I can't remember who said that.

This past April, Gov. Perry appeared at a rally in Tyler with Glenn Beck and presented him with a proclamation designating him an honorary Texan. Myself and some associates, finding out about this, are considering a secession (Gov. Perry has toyed with the notion of Texas seceding from the Union) of our own. We are possibly going to secede and form El Nuevo Estado de Coahuila y Tejas sin Glenn Beck ( the New State of Coahuila and Texas without Glenn Beck) .

You know, this raises another interesting question: would a secessionist make a good President? I'm not sure; let's take a look at history -- whom would you have rather had: Jefferson Davis or Abraham Lincoln? Oh well, back to Tyler and it's ramifications...Bill White is sweeping his driveway.

Kinky Friedman by Robotclaw666

Glenn has done it again, he has managed to draw in another unsuspecting politician, well, two actually, and slime them. I will never look at my Governor in the same way. This makes me swell with even more pride for my 2006 vote for Kinky Friedman. A Texan with thoughts like, "there's something wrong with the beaver, Wally, Wally", or, "They don't make Jews like Jesus anymore" is, and always will be my man. A "Kinky" is better than a "berry***" any day.

Sorry Molly, I didn't do a very good job. We sure miss you. And man do we need you now.

Molly Ivins by Andrew Garib

*Molly, former Ft. Worth Star columnist and author, wrote a great book; Shrub: The Short But Happy Political Life Of George W. Bush

**Could it be that they were both soon to be represented by Amazon?

***Is this a simile or a metaphor?

Submitters Website: http://www.facebook.com/FrindsOfLyndonJohnsonCityArt?ref=hl

Submitters Bio:

Kevin is (writing about yourself in the third person (illeism) is a trip) an artist/writer/carpenter and frustrated songwriter living in Johnson City, Texas. His latest frustrating songwriting attempt is titled, "I Touched the Hand That Touched the Hand That Willie Touched", it, according to Kevin, is about falling in love for all the wrong reasons. Kevin is also a closet subversive. He claims he'll come out of the closet as soon as handguns are no longer popular. Kevin is a loud, obnoxious Texan and hopes that this will be held against him -- "It makes life so much harder and interesting when traveling outside of the Lone Star State." Kevin used to be a Golf columnist. He says life as a Golf columnist is not a whole lot different than life not as a Golf columnist. Kevin is sure that Jesus was indeed a Socialist. Kevin founded a short-lived organization, "FOXNO", with a mandate to get Fox News off the air. It got very little traction and as a result, over the ensuing years, Fox has propagandized a very significant portion of American television viewers, which, if unchecked, could destroy this country and the world. Kevin's Father thought Kevin was prone to hyperbole. Kevin wishes everyone would read "A Pilgrim At Tinker Creek", "In Watermelon Sugar" and all the poetry of Carl Sandberg. Kevin once, when drunk, argued, "America is not a city on a hill" for two hours, because "America is not a city, it's a rather large landmass that used to belong to Indians and porcupines!" Kevin once yelled out at a "Chicago' concert, "Steinbeck is God!" Kevin does not suffer fools or assh**es, usually. In 1969 he had a neighbor that was an assh**le who, although an assh**le, was enchanted with the Space Program and the prospect of man walking on the moon. Kevin and his best friend, Tommy, tied thread around a pinecone and at the designated hour, threw the pinecone over the neighbor's television antennae and shook it like hell -- the assh**le neighbor missed Neil Armstrong's walk on the moon. Kevin says that every time he watched Michael Jackson moonwalk he would be reminded of his assh**le neighbor and he would laugh like hell. Most folks that know Kevin would say that he hasn't changed. Kevin Lives in President Lyndon Johnson's hometown. Kevin, along with a few others, is trying to expose Lyndon Johnson for his equivocated humanity and possible good intentions. Kevin is pondering a short story about power and its surprises titled, "Kings Can Dance." When asked about current politics Kevin simply answers, "Trump is a turd." Kevin would like for me to express his gratitude to you for taking the time to read the above stuff and to say, "good be on you."