Humor-A satire about healthy foods, toxic stuff, Hell on Earth, demoniacs in Washington, good people praying, an innocent fair-haired child and two fiendish merciless, sanctimonious fools, who now face Divine retribution and Hell in a painting.
Customized, Common Sense, Health Precautions
Your Doctor, Minister, Priest, Rabbi, Shrink, Swimming instructor, Nutritionist, husband, wife, boy or girlfriend or parents may not give you the same advice I do, but I am probably smarter than most of them, and from all the available evidence, have more common sense, so here we go.
Don't eat bacon, before or after sex, and if you must eat bacon, get bacon without nitrates, at a health food store and don't fry it, broil it. Or you might be better off just having sex and not eating any kind of bacon.
Avoid processed cold meats.
Stay away from eating anything, especially bread or cake that contains more than five ingredients, especially if any of the ingredients sound more like they belong in the medicine cabinet or the garage.
Don't eat anything that contains any ingredient that does not sound like food-but sounds more like it should be in a canister of stuff armies drop on the enemy from helicopters.
Eat lots of pasta and Pizza, with tomato sauce, with vegetables. Neither is junk food and pizza with some vegetables, and some meat, contains everything you need to eat. (Hey, That Rhymes!)
Avoid wine or vinegar which contains sulfites.
Avoid girls/guys which contains sulfites.
Don't date girls who can bench press more than you can.
And guys, don't sleep with any gal who looks like she could beat you up-because she probably will.
Ladies, don't date guys whose entire vocabulary contains words of no more than two syllables. Also don't date guys who always have bruises or scabs on their knuckles, and say, "Aw Geeze," a lot.
Girls, especially if you are married, avoid priests or ministers who say they'd like to be your spiritual advisor-they really don't want to advise you on that matter, they really want to be your physical therapist.
Don't have sex on the first date! Instead, have sex before the first date that will relieve the sexual tension. (Just kidding.)
Don't date your boss, conversely don't date an employee. Invariably you will get screwed in more ways than one, and one or both are likely to be fired if there is a scandal. Then the person who fired you both will ask out the female and if she is smart she'll give him a kick in the....