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Mike Huckabee's New Constitution

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Mike Huckabee wants to amend the Constitution so it conforms, more specifically, to The Word of God. This is good news to those of us who believe John 1, which says that The Word of God is Jesus Christ, which means that the U.S. government will start paying more attention to the poor, the needy, widows and orphans, the oppressed, the downcast, those who need healing. If that’s true, we will start working more for Peace, and working to have a more caring society. But we don’t need an amendment to do that. We just need to take seriously the words that define what Government is to do – “to promote the general Welfare.”

But that doesn’t seem to be what Huckabee means. He wants an amended Constitution that fits better with his interpretation of the Bible. This might create some problems that he’ll need to address, once he becomes President.

Which translation will he use? Since translations imply different theologies, we would need to presume he would return to the original – with certain words in Aramaic, Greek, and Hebrew. He might want to consider agreeing to a bilingual America of English and Biblical languages. This will take substantial money from the government to teach us the original languages, to make sure that we understand everything accurately.

He wants to create a marriage amendment which says that marriage is between a man and a woman. The Bible doesn’t exactly say that, but he could create an amendment that would better conform to the marriage customs of that period, (and we’d need to know which period he’s referring to – pre-Eden or post-Eden? Before Jesus, during Jesus, after Jesus?) Presumably he’d have to add that engaged/betrothed couples can live together and have sexual relations. He would need to add that homosexual couples can have ceremonies of commitment, or make pacts between each other showing their love of each other, since David and Jonathan did that. (I Samuel 18-20, 2 Samuel 1). They would be allowed to kiss each other, (depending on the translation) but further study would have to clarify whether they’d be allowed to have sex since we don’t know how David and Jonathan expressed their love for each other, except through embracing and maybe kissing. To enforce this amendment, he would need to have government money to add more police. Since it is estimated that there are about 300 million people in the U.S., and since there may be as many as 10% homosexuals in the country, and since they would need to be watched to make sure that they didn’t have sex, and since it would be unclear who is having sex or just living together as friends without constant watching, this may mean as many as fifteen or thirty million more police men on the sex patrol. Of course, they wouldn’t need to watch the lesbians since the unnatural acts mentioned in Romans 1:26 may only refer to unnatural acts by women with men, not between women, so if there’s a little wiggle room for this interpretation, the numbers of police needed could be diminished. It depends on which translation he uses (see above) and whether more sex police would need to be added to make sure that women didn’t do anything unnatural. (And another commission would need to be formed to define “unnatural” for women.)

He has also asked for an amendment about the sanctity of life. Since there is nothing in the Bible about abortion, except perhaps Numbers 5:12 which seems to be for abortion, not against it, since it allows a priest to cause a miscarriage (depending on the translation – see above) the amendment would need to state that abortion would be prohibited, except in instances when the husband accuses the woman of being pregnant with another man. (The concept of what constitutes a “husband” and a “marriage ceremony” would need to be decided, whether according to modern standards or Biblical standards. Rape and its consequences would also need more study and more laws.) Since husbands can become jealous for no good reason, money would need to be set aside to pay for the bitter water to give to the woman to shrivel up her womb and to hire more priests to become involved in the patrolling of these accusations. Government or insurance money would also need to be set aside for medical costs for false accusations that end up with a shriveled-up womb for no good reason.

This would also need a clear amendment against adultery, which would need extra government money for more sex police (since the homosexual police wouldn’t be on the same adultery patrol, since homosexuals wouldn’t be married and therefore couldn’t commit adultery.) And, it would eliminate several of the Republican candidates or would-be candidates and put them in jail (Good-bye Rudy, and don’t run Newt!)

For a sanctity of life amendment, care would also need to be taken to make sure we know whether all life is sanctified, or only fetuses. If all life is sanctified, then an amendment would need to be added against capital punishment (see Jesus’ refusal to execute the woman caught in adultery – John 8) and if the Word of God includes following the Prince of Peace, then wars would also need to end unless one gives equal credibility to the wars in the Hebrew Scriptures as to the non-Wars in the New Testament. (This would need another commission to determine whether both Testaments should be equally weighted.)

To follow the Word of God specifically, Huckabee would also need to pay attention to all of the Bible. Certainly he would need to take I Corinthians 14 seriously, that women shouldn’t talk in Church. This would mean kicking out all women who are preachers, theologians, missionaries. There would need to be some commissions formed, to decide whether Billy Graham’s daughter, Ann, would be allowed to continue to preach, or whether she could only preach if she’s not in Church but if she has her head covered. Or would that make her look more like a Muslim? Presumably Ann Coulter could continue to talk on the O’Reilly Show, but not in church.

There would need to be a clear definition of what constitutes a church, whether it’s a building or a community. This study might be able to be done for just a few million dollars. Kicking the women out and figuring out the appropriate punishment for their disobedience in becoming preachers will take another commission and a few million more.

Huckabee would also need to add an amendment that the woman has to be subject to the man, (see Ephesians 5) but would need another commission to figure out whether Hillary would be allowed to continue to run for President, since Bill agrees with her candidacy. Perhaps if she doesn’t talk in Church this would be fine.

Polygamy, of course, would need to be reinstated. Slavery also and slaves, and women, would need to be subject to their masters – white men! Women would need to stop wearing pants and men would need to grow beards. (See Deuteronomy and various other verses in the Hebrew Scriptures.)

It does seem that if Huckabee is serious, he needs to take this all the way. Or, perhaps, it’s better to just not elect him and to follow the Constitution we now have.

 

http://www/jesusrodeadonkey-thebook.com

Linda is the author of JESUS RODE A DONKEY: Why the Republicans Don't Have a Corner on Christ, which looks at Christian values from the viewpoint of the Democratic Party. She is the granddaughter of a Lutheran minister, and a member of the (more...)
 
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Once upon a time...............when Christianity w... by Ernest on Thursday, Jan 17, 2008 at 5:14:11 AM
GREAT article - a wonderful read with morning coff... by Angelo on Thursday, Jan 17, 2008 at 7:27:15 AM
I liked it so much that I forwarded it to many of ... by Athena88 on Thursday, Jan 17, 2008 at 11:29:01 AM
"Numbers 5: 1 And the LORD spake unto Mo... by Gregory Wonderwheel on Thursday, Jan 17, 2008 at 12:27:18 PM
I don't think there will be any problem findin... by Gregory Wonderwheel on Thursday, Jan 17, 2008 at 12:29:46 PM
  All that is necessary is to remember that A... by Rick Mason on Thursday, Jan 17, 2008 at 12:56:21 PM
  I am worried Rick believes what he wrote. I... by william eldridge on Friday, Jan 18, 2008 at 9:54:18 AM
From Talking Points Memo: "Huck has just... by Frank J. Ranelli on Thursday, Jan 17, 2008 at 1:38:43 PM
Linda, one more amendment needed which has to do w... by Sandy Wittliff on Thursday, Jan 17, 2008 at 2:03:19 PM
You wrote: Mike Huckabee wants to amend the Consti... by Joe Reeser on Thursday, Jan 17, 2008 at 2:21:05 PM
Simple statements can have deadly and catastrophic... by Frank J. Ranelli on Thursday, Jan 17, 2008 at 3:06:44 PM
Sorry, but Huckabee said almost exactly what Linda... by Rob Kall on Thursday, Jan 17, 2008 at 10:08:56 PM
Do we really want to go back to the days where men... by Edward Ulysses Cate on Thursday, Jan 17, 2008 at 2:21:57 PM