Share on Google Plus Share on Twitter Share on Facebook
  4
Share on LinkedIn Share on PInterest
  3
Share on Fark!
  1
Share on Reddit
  1
Share on StumbleUpon
  26
Tell A Friend 35 Shares     
Printer Friendly Page Save As Favorite View Favorites View Article Stats
1 comment

Exclusive to OpEdNews:
OpEdNews Op Eds

Romney Unzipped, Blunt Talk to Bundlers

Become a Fan
  (24 fans)
By (about the author)     Permalink       (Page 1 of 2 pages)
Related Topic(s): ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; (more...) ; ; ; ; ; ; , Add Tags  (less...) Add to My Group(s)

Must Read 1   Well Said 1   Funny 1  
View Ratings | Rate It

opednews.com

(Article changed on November 6, 2012 at 23:28)

(Article changed on November 6, 2012 at 23:22)


http://www.bartcop.com/Romney-Unzipped_hellman77.jpg" class="wwscontentsmaller">http://www.bartcop.com/Romney-Unzipped_hellman77.jpg by http://www.bartcop.com/2859.htm

Note: Professional ethics, if not bodily safety, entails keeping the source for this putative concession draft as secret as Mitt keeps his top bundlers (fundraisers), tax returns, offshore accounts, et al. Romney deviated from Barack Obama, George W. Bush and John McCain by refusing to identify his deepest pockets, sources so terrified of publicity the details of all meetings remain hush-hush.   

My true Americans:

Even if we fall short in the end, think what first-time, historic thresholds we've established: a self-made, self-effacing finance guy nearly dislodged Mr. Silver-tongued, Minority-loving, Incumbent Populist. One more week -- and one less darn super-storm -- and who knows?   Even Reagan might have lost if Carter had a hurricane behind him.

Of course, hats off it to any hustler who outscores my accomplished operation, even if one idiot advisor brought up Etch-a-Sketching. Heck, we'd have gotten plastered without being all things to all voters. So unselfishly, I agreed that neither my past nor principles would stand in the way of winning. I make no apology, however, for identifying that slothful 47% of yokels. I knew all along Obama only had to patch 3% liberals to the 47% losers to reach his gullible majority.  

But look how close we came, an outsider taking on huge odds and the two slickest incumbents to ever come down the pike, Obama and Bill Clinton. Had any CEO -- especially a bold, venture capitalist and quarter-billionaire who hates high taxes -- plus a Mormon -- ever come closer to seizing the White House? Never, and President Ryan in 2016 will acknowledge this breakthrough by naming me ambassador to France, or Treasury secretary, oh, Federal Reserve chiefdom would do.      

Speaking of avoiding taxes, did folks think I'd just divulge esoteric tax havens that cost me thousands and saved me millions? And we won that donnybrook politically: I bet ten grand the next tycoon will also get a pass, despite minimal tax rates, shielding offshore bank accounts, loaded IRAs, even outsourcing jobs and companies. We blew apart tradition, bringing us ever closer to corporate heaven, "that government is best which taxes the rich least." Okay, we had to flip-flop now and again but give credit where credit is due -- no, no, not that kind of credit [laugh here]. We never folded under immense pressure, keeping sacred the holy proposition that private wealth must stay private. Thanks to us, the next super-rich politician knows there's no serious downside for minimal disclosure. The era of public tax returns is over, justifying my candidacy in a nutshell.

Fox News, not enough this time

And yet, even a flawless campaign, guided by my perfectly intuitive, far more charming wife, couldn't overcome the biased liberal media and socialist millions funneled from who knows where. Maybe America doesn't yet deserve a pious, latter-day saint informed by the family values that made the 1950's great. No doubt a surfeit of my diverse triumphs gave the Obama attack dogs too much baggage to cut down. And let's not forget Benedict Arnolds like Anne Coulter, actually warning that to nominate me was to lose. No talk shows for that brat [chuckle here]. Nor will I forgive that birdbrain Rick Perry for piling on, calling me a "vulture capitalist" and thus putting down the noble venture capital industry.   No big bucks for that Texas jackass.

Why, such dimwits know nothing about how masters of the universe keep the system afloat. What other daring risk-takers rush in, search out vulnerabilities, or what we can get away with, then cut pensions, dump needless workers, and find cheap labor offshore? We priests of private equity are the merciless surgeons of capitalism, slashing away cancers to max out the asset values worth auctioning off. Sure, the Bain crew made money but only because we served a public service and restored the sickly to health. Isn't the point of profit-driven capitalism to separate winners from losers, known in my house as the firers and the firees? [chuckle here]  

Rightwing blessings in disguise

But I am reassured, from private revelation and pledges from the Mormon hierarchy, that our God of the golden tablets did not ordain this defeat. Direct communication is such a relief, because credulous voters in Ohio, Pennsylvania, New Hampshire, and Wisconsin acted otherwise. Maybe God prefers gridlock so He's not held responsible for earthly miscues. Time to brace for the next spiritual test, four more years that betray American exceptionalism and our Judeo-Christian super-power status.

And yet we'll have no better ally than an anti-growth, most unexceptional Democrat held captive in the White House. It's like losing is winning, for the double dose of Obama blunders will raise such a hue and cry that conservatives will own the next government. Just like Reagan saved us from Carter's timidity, or George W. from Clinton's immorality, the country will yearn for righteous management by 2016. And why not pitch the same unyielding philosophy: big government is the enemy, not the solution and that mandates low taxes and lower regulation? Q.E.D., to use the language of elitists [chuckle].

Let us thus quadruple double-down obstructionism.   Look what benefits accrue from strident opposition to Democrats in office: welfare shredded, NAFTA passed, no Glass-Stiegal, then eight glorious Bush years of deregulation, low taxes, and huge Pentagon spending. And did not war-making show resolve to our enemies? Pray the Bush Doctrine becomes the Ryan Doctrine: defy our expanding markets and we decimate your country, whether you attack or make only threatening noises. And there'll be no redemptive baptisms after the fact for Muslims who hate our freedom, especially to accumulate fortunes.    

Next Page  1  |  2

 

Educated at Rutgers College (BA) and UC Berkeley (Ph.D, English) Becker left university teaching (Northwestern, U. Chicago) for business, founding and heading SOTA Industries, high end audio company from '80 to '92. From '92-02 he did marketing (more...)
 
Share on Google Plus Submit to Twitter Add this Page to Facebook! Share on LinkedIn Pin It! Add this Page to Fark! Submit to Reddit Submit to Stumble Upon

The views expressed in this article are the sole responsibility of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of this website or its editors.

Writers Guidelines

Contact Author Contact Editor View Authors' Articles

Most Popular Articles by this Author:     (View All Most Popular Articles by this Author)

Summer in the GOP Asylum: "Who are these guys?"

Trickle-down Gulf Wreck-onomics

"Apocalypse Now' Vogue Engulfs Chicken Littles

Moses Kaput -- Rightwing Ten Commandments To Serve Looming Theocracy

"God Particle' Refudiates the Religious Right

Tea Party Palin Is Toast, Forfeiting Senate Supremacy While the GOP Romps

Comments

The time limit for entering new comments on this article has expired.

This limit can be removed. Our paid membership program is designed to give you many benefits, such as removing this time limit. To learn more, please click here.

Comments: Expand   Shrink   Hide  
1 people are discussing this page, with 1 comments
To view all comments:
Expand Comments
(Or you can set your preferences to show all comments, always)

Or losing may be winning if you get away with more... by Robert S. Becker on Tuesday, Nov 6, 2012 at 10:36:41 PM