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"Pssst. Hotdogs Ten Bucks Each'

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Headlined to H2 7/30/11

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"Pssst."

I walked straight ahead, looking neither right nor left in a darkened alley illuminated by a half-moon.

"Pssst."

I quickened my pace, but there was no avoiding the shadowy figure.

"Ain't gonna harm ya. Jus' wanna sell ya somethin'."

I hesitated, shaking. Stepping in front of me, he shoved a hotdog under my nose. "Ten bucks each," he whispered ominously through his throat.

"Ten bucks?!" I asked, astonished at the cost.

"You want it or not?"

With Michele Obama (who chose to attack obesity rather than poverty, worker exploitation, or even hunger and malnutrition), supported by publicity-hungry legislators, hotdogs were the latest feel-good food to come under assault. A medical association whose members are vegans had spent $2,750 to place a billboard message near the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. The picture showed four grilled hot dogs sticking out of a cigarette box that had a skull and crossbones symbol on its face. An oversized label next to the box informed motorists and fans of the upcoming Brickyard 400, "Warning: Hot dogs can wreck your health." The Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine claimed that just one hot dog eaten daily increased the risk of colorectal cancer by 21 percent.

The Committee isn't the only one destroying Americans' rights to eat junk food. The Center for Science in the Public Interest, which seems to come up with a new toxic food every year, once declared theatre popcorn unhealthy.   Many schools banned soda machines. Back in 2011, McDonald's reduced the number of french fries in its Happy Meal and substituted a half-order of some abomination known as applies. Even cigarette company executives, trying to look professorial at a Congressional hearing, once said that smoking cigarettes wasn't any worse than eating Twinkies. However, smoking a Twinkie could cause heart and lung diseases, cancer, and diabetes.

Nevertheless, in Michele Obama's second term as First Anti-Fat Lady, I was desperate for my daily fix of hot dogs, and my would-be supplier knew it. I leaped at my stalking shadowy figure with the miracle junk.

"Not so fast!" he growled, pulling the hotdog away. "Let's see your bread."

"I don't have any bread," I pleaded. "Not since a zoologist at Penn concluded that hummingbirds that ate two loaves of bread a day got constipation."

"Not that bread, turkey! Bread! Lettuce!"

"I haven't eaten lettuce in three years since the government banned it for having too many pesticides, and the heads that remained were eaten by pests."

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www.walterbrasch.com

Walter Brasch is an award-winning journalist and professor of journalism emeritus. His current books are Before the First Snow: Stories from the Revolution , America's Unpatriotic Acts: The Federal Government's Violation of Constitutional (more...)
 
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You can have all the hot dogs you want if you can ... by Mike Preston on Saturday, Jul 30, 2011 at 6:58:18 AM
... "Hey, Walter, hey, Rosemary, why care about OU... by BlessUsAll on Saturday, Jul 30, 2011 at 8:21:34 AM
I forgot to read the other comments before I poste... by Suzana Megles on Saturday, Jul 30, 2011 at 9:30:41 AM
. . . as in, I have no idea what tyou're talking a... by Walter Brasch on Saturday, Jul 30, 2011 at 9:51:22 AM
(1) "What's good for the goose is good for the gan... by BlessUsAll on Saturday, Jul 30, 2011 at 10:07:55 AM
sorry, you aren't even close to an A. You have to ... by Walter Brasch on Saturday, Jul 30, 2011 at 1:31:21 PM
And for animal rights.And a vegan.I don't understa... by Provoked on Saturday, Jul 30, 2011 at 5:25:05 PM
It said so well what hopefully many of us feel re ... by Suzana Megles on Saturday, Jul 30, 2011 at 7:28:10 PM
... though I appreciate your coming to my defense,... by BlessUsAll on Sunday, Jul 31, 2011 at 2:12:39 AM
I am easily crushed by what I perceive as unkindne... by Suzana Megles on Sunday, Jul 31, 2011 at 5:31:22 AM
Suzana, you easily illustrate, for those who can s... by Ned Lud on Sunday, Jul 31, 2011 at 9:13:09 AM
Thanx for that. But I will say that you make us s... by Suzana Megles on Sunday, Jul 31, 2011 at 9:32:01 AM
when you are talking about factory farm and other ... by Ned Lud on Sunday, Jul 31, 2011 at 9:41:33 AM
why do you attack maim and kill, carrots? ... by Ned Lud on Sunday, Jul 31, 2011 at 9:19:59 AM
because God said we could in the Garden of Eden. Y... by Suzana Megles on Monday, Aug 1, 2011 at 3:44:01 AM
how people are coming out of the woodwork to defen... by Suzana Megles on Saturday, Jul 30, 2011 at 9:27:30 AM
Let's just say I despise Americans who joke about,... by Ned Lud on Saturday, Jul 30, 2011 at 12:34:19 PM
Yo, dude, go right ahead and eat those hot dogs an... by Debbie Scally on Saturday, Jul 30, 2011 at 6:33:54 PM
a word my mother taught me. Use it and you can eat... by molly cruz on Saturday, Jul 30, 2011 at 11:19:41 PM
the only creature that feeds the hand that bites i... by David Chester on Sunday, Jul 31, 2011 at 9:17:29 AM
It is commonly supposed that man, wily and inventi... by Ned Lud on Sunday, Jul 31, 2011 at 9:35:53 AM
... whose welfare you fight for, Mr. Brasch, I tho... by BlessUsAll on Monday, Aug 1, 2011 at 12:12:35 AM