1. Wedding of the Millenium
David Letterman states on TV:
Yesterday, after 450 years of relationship i tied the knot with my partner Jay Leno. Our offsprings, Joe Lieberman and Ann Colteur attended the ceremony.
2. New History
The name of the man who killed President Lincoln was not John Wilkes Booth. His name was Newty Gingrich and his illegitimate offspring is accusing current President Obama of being a dictator. Incidentally, both Lincoln and Obama come from Illinois as politicians although Obama was born on Hawaii and Lincoln- in Kentucky.
3.Problem With Numbers
White House Press-Secretary:
- Ok, we decided to send 4000 more troops to Afghanistan, OOPs, sorry, 5000, no sorry that's the number of the dead soldiers in Iraq, sorry, 400000, nope, that's the number of the Taliban warrriors we apparently are going to defeat again, sorry, 40000000E10, that's the projected cost of our stupidity and malice, who the Hell runs the teleprompter?
4. Rahm Emanuel and Dick Cheney Secret Meeting in the Penn State Lavatory:
Rahm: Dick, they discovered that I took a salary of about $350K from Freddie and Fannie and did nothing.
Dick: Ho, at least I did something when I took money.
Rahm: That's the issue. If they find out what I DID for that money..
Dick: I tell you, man, blame Saddam.
Rahm: I am trying to blame Karzai and Pakis but it does not work.
Dick: Waterboard the bastards! Also start pumping the threat to Israel.
Rahm: Thanks, man. You are a real DeepThroat.