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A Confederacy of Dunces

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The self-admitted clown -- Glenn Beck -- did not disappoint the crowd of kooks as he closed the CPAC convention with his typical brand of hyper-hyperbole and pop-eyed ravings about the state of the union as it exists in the frantic swirlings of his brain. He even brought his special chalkboard with him for visual aides.

"Progressivism is the cancer in America and it is eating our Constitution . . . an economic holocaust is coming!" Beck warned with trembling voice in his CPAC keynote speech reminiscent of Howard Beale in Network; a mad man coming unraveled before our eyes. Uh, Glenn? It was the last President who took a black marker and exacto knife to what he called "that goddam piece of paper," not Progressives. Our Constitutional Rights were either attacked, weakened or eradicated by the Bush Crime Family, regardless of Beck's batty, baseless assertions.

But I digress . . . Beck is clearly mad as hell and not taking it anymore. But, what is the target of his over-the-top-while-under-the-big-top circus performance? At various moments he shouted, "Stop the liberal oppressors!" adding a large glop of paranoia with "A liberal minority has hijacked this country!" (If he was aiming at the reactionary brainstem of the average CPAC attendee, he could've left out the word "liberal" and gotten bigger applause). Continuing in schizoid fashion, in the next heaving breath he took aim at Republicans, slapping himself on the forehead and ordering the entire GOP into a 12-step program for "problem spenders."

"Hello, my name is the Republican Party and I have a problem!" Beck, himself an admitted recovering alcoholic,giggled hysterically as a starting point for the suffering GOP. "I'm addicted to spending and big government." Wow. Maybe the collective members of the GOP could join the same 12-step program that (cough) "cured" Rush "Deaf by Temptation" Limbaugh of his narcotic addiction. What was involved in that again . . . pat the pony and clap therapy? Worked for Rush!

With a nod to St. Reagan, Beck got this one in for the Gipper: "It is still morning in America,"he explained, "it just happens to be kind of a head-pounding, hung-over, vomiting-for-four-hours kind of morning in America. And it's shaping up to be kind of a nasty day, but it's still morning in America."C'mon, Glenn! That's just "stinkin' thinkin'" and you know it. Easy does it, take it one day at a time with the NeoCons. This too shall pass. Remember, first they come, then they come to, then they come to believe. Just let go and let Rush.

Ironically, Beck's message of "Get Thee to a Recovery Program" was as close as the convention came to any kind of admission of the fact that neither President Obama nor the Democrats created the massive economic disaster we face today. In fact, throughout the convention there was much predicted vitriol hurled at President Obama and Democrats from all the speakers on the issues of the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, and for the massive government debt. But, glaringly absent was any discussion of the obvious connection between the two.

There were other, lessor maniacal rants and outrageous, inflammatory statements from the "B" list of speakers that wrapped up the Congregation of Crazy. Newt "Family Values (for you, not me)" Gingrich claimed that the "radical left is a secular, Socialist machine" that will destroy America. Yawn. How many times has that ridiculous remark been tossed around by the NeoCons for the last half-century? Psssst . . . Newt: if the scary liberals haven't done it yet, guess it ain't gonna happen! Where is this magic country-destroying machine and how do you operate it? Does Karl Rove still have the keys or can anybody use it? Sounds like something out of a James Bond novel. Really, can any "normal" thinking Republican actually, seriously, believe that Obama, Reid, Pelosi, Biden and the lot are cooking up a secret plan to destroy America? Are the CPAC crazies really so mentally unstable that they can buy into that kind of rhetoric?

Bush recess appointee, former UN Ambassador, and champion stapler-thrower John Bolton shot out at Obama's national security policy after first rousing the mob to fever-pitch with the question: "Are you people in this room patriots?!" Who can't clap and cheer for that? "We will not let you reduce American sovereignty," he screeched. "We will not let you make America vulnerable, and we will prevail over all enemies foreign and domestic."By domestic enemies, we can assume he doesn't mean the loony militia-types Fox "News" propaganda-eaters who blow up abortion clinics, liberal churches, and pose a deadly threat to anyone they don't deem "patriotic enough" for them. Or who threaten their right to bear Uzis. Or who want to see Americans receive affordable, accessible health insurance.

Ann Coulter's remarks were as inappropriate and predicable as her tight Little Black Dress. More stand-up than standard-bearer, as usual, her latest routine included these zingers:

"The new commission on fiscal responsibility's first recommendation: Resign, please! The second recommendation: Stop wasting money on commissions! . . ."Why couldn't Obama have picked someone respectable as his running mate, like John Kerry did?" . . . "Edwards is like a creepy, blow-dried evangelical, without the belief in God." . . . The upside of the cap-and-trade bill: if it passes, DC will finally see snow again! . . . "Jimmy Carter said that most people who oppose Obama's health care plan are motivated by racism. And if there's one guy who has his finger on the pulse of what Americans are thinking, it's Jimmy Carter! . . . CNN calls them "Teabaggers,' which is the gayest term I've ever heard on CNN besides "Anderson Cooper.'"

Thanks folks, you've been great! Tip your server and remember, the11:00's different from the 7:30! And, we'll be here all decade!

What is the one thing all the CPAC speakers -- with few exceptions -- had in common? They're all Fox "News" employees. Fox "News" anchors, Fox "News" contributors, the lady who tears up Glenn Beck's eyes with the Vick's Vap-o-Rub was probably there. Rupert Murdoch owns them all, and clearly owns a stake in the CPAC freak show. Fox is the literal "crazy glue" that binds together their erratic, absurd causes. Without Fox "News" speakers and constant TV coverage of the propaganda, the CPAC convention would've devolved into another pitiful meeting of lost tea baggers, a rabble of rebels without a clue. Which, of course, they are.

That is why Ron Paul is their declared Supreme Leader. How's that make you feel, Rupert? Was it worth it? Ready to do some 12 Step? I have a horsey you can pat . . .

 

www.mikemalloy.com

Kathy never expected a career in radio as a talk show producer. Born and raised in Atlanta, Georgia, Kathy was completing her nursing degree when in 2001 - in an emergency - she was asked to fill in as the producer of Mike's program. Within a few (more...)
 

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Even though it's sad that half the country has bee... by Dick Thomson on Monday, Feb 22, 2010 at 4:57:39 PM
I think Global Nuclear War would suit many of them... by Bia Winter on Tuesday, Feb 23, 2010 at 9:48:23 AM
a Beck speech are amusing for sure, however if you... by Larry Tierney on Monday, Feb 22, 2010 at 5:04:31 PM
I agree with this article on Glenn Beck, Ann Coult... by truthseeker7 on Monday, Feb 22, 2010 at 5:18:31 PM
Ron Paul won the straw poll. Fox employee and arch... by sesquiculus on Tuesday, Feb 23, 2010 at 8:39:43 AM
how ridiculous they are! Anyone else see the movie... by Bia Winter on Tuesday, Feb 23, 2010 at 9:43:03 AM
I don't understand the Ron Paul bitterness here. H... by sommers on Tuesday, Feb 23, 2010 at 11:18:52 AM
Kathy is one fo the few to point out that the CPAC... by Paul Karsh on Tuesday, Feb 23, 2010 at 11:14:48 PM