They are married. When she says NO, and he forces, it is
marital rape. Every woman has a right to make a decision about her body, to
decide if she wants to exercise birth control, get pregnant, and when NOT to
have sex. Physical coercion alone is not rape. What about implied or actual
physical threats?
Accepting undesired sexual advances from the
husband is not taken as anything wrong, illegitimate, or worth complaining about
in Pakistan's culture. It is a wife's duty to submit to him whether or not she
desires sex herself. When sexual abuse takes place in a marriage, neither the
husband nor the wife recognizes it as rape--as stated in law. Since a contract
is in place, it lends legitimacy to sexual abuse. Sex-on-demand-and-when-desired
is deemed to be an unwritten part of the contract.
The wife feels it is her duty to oblige the husband. She
does not believe that it is her right to deny yielding to his physical needs,
in most cases. Interestingly, if no physical violence is involved, she will
usually never translate it into rape. Or, even when it is. In a society where
women are unaware of their right to divorce their husband in the same manner a
husband divorces a wife--by both parties acknowledging the right and agreeing
to it on the contract of marriage--how can one expect her to be aware of the
right over her own body? This is true for most women irrespective of their
socio-economic positions.
The Hadood Ordinance enacted under the Shari'a Law in 1979
lays down law/punishment for zina.
This is defined as, "A man and a woman are said to commit 'Zina' if they
willfully have sexual intercourse without being married to each other.'
This law deals with extramarital relationships or one
contacted between unmarried persons or one married and one unmarried person.
The other law is the Women Protection Bill passed in 2006.
This bill enabled courts to try rape cases in the criminal court instead of
Islamic court. This bill enabled, also, doing away the need to do have multiple
male witnesses to the act of rape.
Unfortunately, marital rape has continued to be excluded from the definition of rape--even if it may be in the form of a separate law altogether. Pakistan is heavily recognizable of conjugal rights within the marriage institution--but completely overlooks the proviso to protect the spouses, more especially women, from being abused in a relationship. Marital rape is intrinsically tied in with respect of women. In societies where women are generally considered 'inferior', their desires, grievances, and abuses are brushed aside. Arranged marriages, with the spouses not knowing each other from Adam until they get married, often takes place, but consummation of marriage more likely than not takes place on the first night of the wedding.
In a report published in Express Tribune, March 9, 2011,
Dr
Shamsa Humayun, a gynecologist, said that patients don't complain of sexual
abuse from their spouses even when the evidence is overwhelming. "I have
examined women with severe vaginal tearing, enough that they needed stitches,
but they still never admitted they were assaulted," she said.
Since the abuse takes place in a relationship of trust, the
psychological scars are deeper as repeated abuses may take place. Out of
unawareness of rights and a shame that may spring from keeping the real face of
relationship hidden from outsiders the victims may suffer months and years of
criminal behavior without bringing it to light. Hardly ever do cases get
reported. There may also be fear of repercussions involved in a continuing
relationship. The problems in prosecuting marital rape has more to do with
social attitudes and the very nature of the crime, since an absence of consent
has to be proved, coupled with the accused being aware of, or at least
suspecting, that said consent was absent, a difficult burden to discharge when
confronted with a situation where intimate relations are to be expected, and
all elements of the crime must be proved beyond reasonable doubt.
If she does not seek divorce and bring the husband to
justice, what is her future? She has to deal with saving herself from an
abusive relationship and handle emotional wreckage. What if she cannot prove
the charges against the spouse? Does it lead to worse abuse resulting from
shaming him and his family publically?
In Pakistani society, generally speaking, a woman is
completely forbidden culturally to address a sexual issue in public. A woman
who rebels against the cultural norms may be severely punished for it in form
of beatings by the spouse, or being sent back to her parents' house if they are
alive. Or the brother if they have passed away. In a society where great
emphasis is placed on keeping a marriage together--this can be a frightening
proposition! The financial strength of the wife and/or her parents/brother will
play a major role in seeking independence.
In a country beset with low literacy, sex treated as a taboo
subject; educating masses may be an uphill task. Even in cases where children
go to school, sex education is not a part of teaching. The parents usually
assume that somehow, once old enough the children would know themselves of the
dos and don'ts. A fallacy!
Whereas we recognize 'regular' rape as a crime--that of a
young girl in a moving bus in India created a furor, leading to worldwide
shock, horror, and condemnation--that committed in the institution of marriage,
alas, goes unacknowledged.
How long shall we continue refusing to acknowledge this act?
It is after all 2013.
The
writer is Author of, "A Comparative Analysis of Media & Media Laws in Pakistan.'
Contact her on Twitter: @yasmeen_9
