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January 18, 2007 at 13:01:24     Permalink THE BUSHITE MANIFESTO, A HISTORY IN 3 PARTS Diary Entry by Professor Emeritus Peter Bagnolo (about the author)

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A "humorous" satirical fantasy about the Bush followers, sycophants and war-mongering, oil stealers in fictional settings and relationships

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Have you ever asked yourself; to what does the president owe his great success? Neither have I! For a person to ask such a questions of another, the one of which they speak must actually have had some success, or even one success, or at least have gotten a "B" in Cheerleading, or if having been a cheerleader, must at least have some cleavage to show. The president has none of the above.

The inspiration, perhaps subconsciously, perhaps Rovean, for the twin GW Bush "Victories," and his adventure in rejoining fascism to greed and voyeurism, was perhaps the most fascinating aspect of his years as president, (for those who, indeed, believing slaughtering, starving, robbing and yet referring constantly to Jesus as his inspiration, can be at all fascinating, even if it is to sane people, a bit maddening.)

The Bush "victories," I have said, were planned around fascism's Four reference books, Mein Kampf (HITLER), 1984 (Orwell), a twisted version of the Old and New Testaments, and the last issue of Looney Tunes and Merry Melodies, in which Porky Pig, Daffy Duck, Elmer Fudd and Bugs Bunny starred, in their Tour-de force', A PIG, A DUCK, A DORK AND A BUNNY, GET DOWN AND DIRTY, which his operatives consistently fed the public, but it's true inspiration he owes to two factors.
(A)-The first is a shortage of good taste, conscience and functional brain cells ...and...
(B)-The second is a shortage of good taste, conscience and functional brain cells.

It has been said that Bush's advisors believed that Hitler did not die in the bunker, but instead, shaved his killer Pit-bull, named Violet, and dressed it in his Fuhrer costume, shot it and left it for the Allies to think he had shot himself. Then Hitler, disguised as a Baker, got into a Tub with his Butcher and his Candle Stick Maker and rowed across the Atlantic. Later he found himself written up in HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL, the scandal magazine, asking the question, what were 3 men doing in a tub together and at whose apartment? And if so, was it rent-controlled? (The apartment not the tub), and further questioning the sexuality and prudence of Three Men in a Tub, and wondering which would drop the soap first.

When they landed, Hitler went north, the Butcher (Hans Buetcher) went south (and subsequently fell off the planet), and the Candle Stick Maker stayed put in the Tub, so he wouldn't drip tallow on his toes.

Once safely in America, Hitler disguised himself as a Zookeeper, for the Fox Network.
Later he went through a sex-change operation, gave his name as Hitleretta, became bulimic, lost 75 pounds, died his hair blond, and became a talking headed, bitch-pundit and "author" of a poorly written, badly conceived bit of historical revisionism called, KILL ALL THE LIBERALS (? What is a Liberal anyway?) Which after reading left one asking, "What's wrong with that woman?" or "Why do some women wear bras, while others wear Ravioli with Pesto sauce on their heads after dark?"

In her/his first book, Hitleretta defends as heroes maligned by "Liberals"; Bush, Limbaugh, Charley McCarthy, (or was it Joe?) Genghis Khan (as a true Christian), Caligula (s/he says was actually, despite history, a virgin and a mystic), and Nero, who truly, deep down where the moon doesn't glow, was a misunderstood short-order pizza baker, wanting desperately to be a Big-Time chef in a Roman Sidewalk Bistro-Café', and accidentally burned Rome to the ground during an innocent experiment trying out a new BBQ Basting sauce on Christians while BBQing them outdoors at the Coliseum.

Meanwhile, the Bushites attacked, with phosphorus bombs and then napalm, a day nursery, on Broadway, to show they were not soft on noise-terrorism, initiated by loud-mouthed infants, who kept screeching. They napalmed the nursery for weeks. Then in a dramatic show of the sort of bravado the president displayed when his co-pilot landed his plane on a carrier and Bush elbowed him out of the way to shout, "Mission accomplished," after being assured that no one was left alive in the nurrsey, he rushed in wildly firing an Uzi as he went, but he was close-lined by a 105 lb. Child care worker, Minnie Finnie, as 12 five year old's, racing up from the bombshelter, storm cellar, gang tackled and threw up on him.

Later petulant and embarrassed, as he was held as a hostage by the toddlers and Minnie Finnie, and they forced him to teach them cheerleading, before they would allow him to wash off the kid-vomit. They freed him only after their demands were met, the White House agreeing, reluctantly, (mostly because Bush was crying and pleading over the phone hook-up to his "rescuers"), to give them a year's supply of Doggy Foods for their pets and Chocolate Bars for the toddler's as well as a signed autograph of Pat Robertson for their dartboard.

Later, Bush adopted Hitleretta, (a vegetarian) as his son/daughter and mentor, but they had a falling-out, over the concept of using minced or fresh onions in Macaroni and Cheese-Bush taking the Conservative view and Hitleretta the Liberal point of view.

In the strategy for winning of the faked elections of 2000 & 2004, the Bushites took the following approach, breaking with accepted wisdom about humans, they used a marketing tact, going against Professor Jahni' Beerschmegle, who believed that mankind was divided into two groups, Hosts and Visitors, the Bushites took the unpopular, avant-garde' approach that instead, mankind is divided into two groups, males and females, though neither of which realized it much, until they were all naked.

Infuriated with the Bushite position, Beerschmegle broke with them and sat in the White House hall on his hat in protest refusing to eat anything but Nougat and figs until the Bushites changed their minds. When the Bushites laughed and hooted at him, he threw warm custard at them, hitting Rove above the left eye and gooking up his glasses.

This led to the infamous, Drug Company fiasco, which we investigated yesterday.

 

Professor Bagnolo has majored in: Cultural Anthropology, Architectural design, painting, creative writing. As a child prodigy, abed with polio for almost two years, he was offered an opportunity to skip three grades at age 8.
Later He was a (more...)
 

 

 
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