I just had the good fortune to catch Obama’s Cairo address live on al Jazeera. The commentators are still gushing as I type this. It’s gonna be short ‘cause I got work to do.

I’ll cut to the chase. Obama said: “America's strong bonds with Israel are well known. This bond is unbreakable. It is based upon cultural and historical ties, and the recognition that the aspiration for a Jewish homeland is rooted in a tragic history that cannot be denied.”

I’ll buy that as forthright. Then, he shortly went on to say: “So let there be no doubt: the situation for the Palestinian people is intolerable. America will not turn our backs on the legitimate Palestinian aspiration for dignity, opportunity, and a state of their own.”

And then some mumbo-jumbo about how the good old human spirit found deep in the heart of each Palestinian or Israeli Jew is somehow gonna save the day. And, of course, he said the holy word, roadmap. He is a man of hope, no doubt. Thanks to all the other great content, it was the best speech I’ll ever hear, likely, unless he tops it himself. I feel blessed to have caught it on the tube by chance. But I find it hard to entertain the same hope about Israel/Palestine that he does. There’s just, you know, some really bad blood there. I’ve tried talking to the Israelis I’ve met about Palestine, and it just gets ugly. They start spitting and stuff. I mean, these people will not be giving ANYTHING back to the Palestinians any time soon. And they’ve got nukes.

So, since I think Obama’s a nice guy, I’m gonna slip him the final solution to this problem right now, given that he just committed himself to solving it. In fact, it was his earnestness that inspired me to have the thought. It’s simple really, and a lot cheaper than the bailout of the Jewish banking cartel. (Just kidding. I don’t know anything about that genre of “conspiracy theory.”)

Anyway, here it is: Each and every Palestinian, be they refugee or inhabitant of an Apartheid Israeli Zone, should be offered free American citizenship and some “immigration assistance” such as cash (or maybe the fem-micro-credit Obama just said he’d support unconditionally anywhere in the world.) No doubt 99% of them would jump at the offer. Hell, the now-in-vogue stimulus funds could be used to fund it.

Just as Israel was created out of Palestine at the behest of America, why not create a new “Little Palestine” out of a low-rent chunk of America? Or more likely, create a lot of Little Palestines. Hire Adam Sandler to do the PR. I’m serious. I think it could work. Sure there are obstacles, such as retarded radio hosts and armed rednecks, but Obama just keeps getting more virile by the day. Most of those Rednecks are probably having wet dreams about him already.

I won’t be able to respond to any comments, as I’m super busy for the next week and shouldn’t even be typing this. So I hope you enjoyed it. I am also a man of hope.

PS - If you have Obama’s private email, forward it to him for me, please

PPS - Shucks. I just realized that Obama probably thought of this already. Well, I hope it works.