| Jim
McGreevey; America's First Governor To Come Out of the Closet
by Constance Lavender
OpEdNews.com
On Thursday in his address to the State of New Jersey,
Governor McGreevey, while announcing that he is gay, said, "For this
is an intensely personal decision, and not one typically for the public
domain."
Presumably, the personal decision to which the Governor referred was his
announcement that he is a "gay American".
While it is true that we "live in the greatest nation with the
tradition of civil liberties, the greatest tradition of civil liberties in
the world, in a country that provides so much to its people," America
has not always shown, and in many cases still does not today, show respect
and tolerance to those not heterosexually oriented.
To use just one example, although New Jersey prohibits discrimination
based on sexual orientation and grants limited domestic partners benefits
to gay men and women, many of this state's public schools are not safe
places for bisexual, gay, lesbian, or transgender students to learn. Some
schools have in the recent past ignored, even encouraged and
tolerated, harassment based on sexual orientation. Or they have applied a
different set of disciplinary standards to cases of gay prejudice and
violence effectively establishing a double standard.
Despite the fact that several years ago a northern New Jersey school
district was sued and found liable for allowing a gay student to be
attacked and verbally abused, just now are public schools in New Jersey
seriously adopting comprehensive anti-gay harassment policies following a
no-bullying bill passed by the current Governor and an administrative
ruling from the state division of civil rights concerning a school in Toms
River, NJ.
(see "Schools
check for compliance with discrimination ruling from The Press of
Atlantic City, August 14, 2004; )
Why are we only now addressing the longstanding issue of anti-gay
discrimination and prejudice in our public schools? Why do we even need to
be told by the courts and government that the schools have a duty to
provide a safe environment in which students can learn?
So the decision to acknowledge one's sexual orientation is a personal
choice, but it is a personal choice that for now at least always carries
with it very public consequences. And that is unfortunate. That is our
failing as a society and a state. It remains to be seen whether we as a
people and as a nation will have the courage to admit and try to change
our mistakes. The Governor of New Jersey has disclosed and taken
responsibility for his failings.
Of course the other side of coming out involves growth and reflection,
personhood and self-concept, and a spectrum of other interpersonal issues
that require support, nurturing, and acceptance. And that is the main
point of this letter.
The "gay community" has both its Mr. Hyde and Dr. Jekyl sides:
from altruism to self-absorption, from body worship to AIDSphobia, from
acceptance to arrogance, the gay community has shown both dignity and
grace as well as cattiness and meanspiritedness.
The gay community needs to be magnanimous and supportive at this time and
they most not play into political expediency and political correctness.
The gay community---of all people---know the difficulty of coming out and
the wrenching choices that are attendant on that kind of announcement. And
so, despite our differences, we should unite in support around what is, so
far as I know, the first governor in the nation's history to govern as an
openly gay man. The Governor, who has of course resigned due to
circumstantial factors concerning his political office, will serve for
only twelve weeks, during which he will facilitate the transition of the
exrcutive administration in the State to the New Jersey Senate President,
Richard Codey, also a Democrat, as prescribed by New Jersey's
constitutional system.
But during that time the gay community must support this gay man as he
becomes the first openly gay American governor in United States history.
We have an obligation, indeed a responsibility, to do so without
reservation or hesitation. The gay community knows the costs of living
true to one's self. That is not to confuse being closeted and coming out
with living a secret life or a lie. Human beings hopefully grow and
develop their natural potential throughout their lives. Human adulthood is
just one stage of a larger process; not a place of divine judgment and
moral certitude.
Our truth as a community of bisexual, gay, lesbian, transgendered, and
questioning men and women is that living as we were created too often
involves risks and vulnerabilities that heterosexual persons do not
confront. That truth requires we exercise acceptance, grace, and respect
to our brothers and sisters who need our support more than ever in their
lives because they are coming out. So let's support Governor McGreevey as
a fellow human being and as we would want to be supported despite the
allegations and charges that will be leveled against him. Only we as
persons similarly situated can understand what this man is going through.
We can not both be proud of his decision and support him one day, and
abandon him the next. Let's recognize this event as an opportunity to
support our gay brother and as an educational moment. We can help another
person and teach society our truths as gay Americans together. Let's be
there for him.
The other day's historic announcement by Gov. James E. McGreevey that he
is a gay American underscores a number of important issues that need to
aired.
There are two questions at issue: one has to do with the governor's
sexuality; the other has to do with the legal and political ramifications
emanating from the governor's status as a closeted gay man.
At first I thought that these issues were really separate, and in
significant ways they are different in kind. But even more significantly
is the important ways in which these issues are connected; that is, how
the yarns are entwined. And it illustrates the danger that all people who
are not heterosexually oriented find themselves in. It presents a
quandary, a catch-22, of sorts, in that to be openly gay has real negative
consequences in a nation where, in over half the states, one may be fired
from their job simply for being homosexual. On the other hand, to be a
closeted gay man has, as we have seen in Gov. McGreevey's case undesirable
and negative consequences too.
The tragedy here is that the danger persons of non-heterosexual
orientation live with everyday provided the type of environment and
culture where such an incident as this could happen in a state that has a
non-discrimination policy to protect individuals from discrimination based
on sexual orientation. Recall it was just in June that the United States
Supreme Court reversed its former decision in Bowers v. Hardwick and
stated that no state may criminalize private consensual sexual activity
between persons of the same sex.
As a public figure we as New Jerseyans must recognize and accept the
governor's judgment that his ability to govern has been compromised, that
in order to lift the burden of that vulnerability the he has bravely (and
uncharacteristically for most politicians I might add) come out as a gay
American governor, and that he will resign the governorship as a result of
the impropriety of his actions following the orderly constitutional
process prescribed by this state's constitution.
The Governor has a duty to ensure the smooth and seamless transition of
executive administrations so that the business of New Jersey will continue
without interruption.
While Mr. McGreevey exercised poor judgment in naming his lover to an
important state security post, no crime was committed and the vetting
process ensured by New Jersey's constitutional system in fact worked by
eliminating Golan Cipel from consideration and preventing his confirmation
for lack of credentials. This is is an example of how the
checks-and-balances built into the American and New Jersey's
democratic and constitutional process are designed to prevent this very
situation. And the system worked and worked well.
I would remind my Republican friends that using poor judgment and naming
unqualified individuals to government posts is no crime. And if it were a
crime, the entire state executive, legislature, and judiciary would be
occupying our state's prisons. And those behind bars would be Democrats
and Republicans alike. I remind Christie Whitman of Parson's Technology
and the DMV Inspection contract and her other sweetheart deal with EZPass.
The Republicans ought to be wary of the waters in this river. Again,
the system of constitutional balance worked as it was intended. Given
human foibles and frailties, the constitution of New Jersey safeguards the
interests of the people.
Having said that I would also remind my Republican friends that the
Governor need not even resign because he broke no law so far as we now
know, and frankly it was refreshing to hear a public servant tell the
truth for a change without excuse and while taking personal responsibility
for his actions. The Governor is resigning because he believes it is the
honorable thing to do.
The Republicans looking under rocks and trees for some way to force an
election is an attempt to undermine the orderly constitutional system in
this state. There simply are no legal grounds to remove the Governor. And
if there were an election, a Democrat would win. The reason why New
Jersey's Republican Party appears weak is because New Jersey has a
tradition of progressive reform and the national Republican Party's swing
towards rightwing extremism has isolated progressive and liberal
Republicans, and independents who might support them. I'm glad to hear
Genevieve Wood's (spokesperson for the FRC) acknowledgement that Gov.
McGreevey's resignation has nothing to do with his sexuality. I'm happy to
hear a spokesperson from the Family Research Council admit that sexuality
is not a qualification for holding public office. Nor should it be.
But the reality of the situation in New Jersey is that Jim McGreevey would
not have been elected governor, indeed, may not have secured the
Democratic Party's nomination to run for governor, were he an out gay man.
That is the tragedy of a person being held hostage over their own
sexuality. The irony is that being honest about your sexuality in New
Jersey today may have the same effect.
What Jim McGreevey did was an act of decency, heroism, and honesty. But at
the same time, it was the circumstances that led to his courageous
announcement, that requires that the Governor resign and does not permit
him to continue governing.
Whitman noted in By Blue Ontario's Shore "...without extinction is
liberty, without retrograde is equality..." The sad truth of America
today is that too often there is still neither equal protection nor due
process for some gay men and lesbians. And until the cultural, political,
and social barriers that prevent gay Americans from fully participating in
the blessings of liberty are removed, sexuality will remain an obstacle to
public service and political equality.
As Whitman writes:
By silence or obedience the pens of savants, poets, historians,
biographers, and the rest, have long
connived at the filthy law, and books enslaved to it,
that what makes the manhood of a man, that sex,
womanhood, maternity, desires, lusty animations,
organs, acts, are unmentionable and to be ashamed
of, to be driven to skulk out of literature with whatever
belongs to them. This filthy law has to be repealed---
it stands in the way of great reforms.
It is a sad statement that today in New Jersey there are no openly gay
public officials at the state level or higher. But that fact speaks
volumes about how far we as a state, let alone nation, have to go before
we achieve full equality and full participation for all Americans no
matter how they are oriented. It underscores the danger and fearful
consequences that all gay men and women live with in the United States. It
is a situation with which we must urgently deal.
As a gay Anmerican and a gay New Jerseyan who has experienced the pain of
discrimination and retribution, fear and loathing, I would caution
Republicans from pushing this issue. New Jersey has a proud tradition of
progressive government and reform dating back to Woodrow Wilson and even
earlier. And the Republicans would be ill-advised to take political
advantage of this Governor's humanity. While we try to sort out the
details of why Jim McGreevey has resigned as Governor of New Jersey, we
ought to be mindful of the human story behind his announcement and actions
that transcends the merely political and legal aspects that, no doubt,
will be the obsessive focus of media attention.
Coming out as a gay man or woman is no easy task. I know that based on
personal experience. We live in a society, while now more accepting of gay
Americans, is still hardly hospitable to homosexuals as evidenced by the
recent debate over "gay marriage".
Fortunately, my parents taught my brother and I to stand up for what we
believe in, to always tell the truth, and to never let go of our dreams.
Having learned that lesson, I was in a fortunate situation when I came out
to my family and friends at age twenty-one.
Coming out is a process and that process is different for each person. At
this difficult time in his life, we need to be supportive of the Jim
McGreevey as a human being.
The legal and political system will run its course, the processes of law
and government will work as they were designed to operate. The Governor
will be judged, one hopes appropriately, and without prejudice or
preconceptions.
In the final analysis I hope that some good comes from this unfortunate
situation.
In my heart I hope that this truth will serve as a lesson to others---in
personal circumstances, private situations, political life, and public
service---that truth does matter.
We need not be afraid of our soul---no matter how it is oriented--- for
fear will only serve to obscure the truth from ourselves and others. The
truth of our lives and experiences as gay men and women are valid, real,
and consequential. We need to stand up for ourselves and be proud of who
we are knowing that we are part of a greater reality.
And most importantly, I hope that one day in America, anyone can be
elected to public office and serve their country irrespective of their
sexual orientation.
Finally, we have a responsibility as free citizens to learn about the
complexity of the coming out process. I would caution that because one is
not out does not mean a person is being dishonest or that they are hiding.
It simply means that are at a particular stage in a process that we as a
society are only coming to understand and hopefully, one day, to accept.
Five Stage Model of Coming Out Process I. Pre-Coming Out
II. Coming Out
III. Exploration
IV. First Relationships
V. Identity Integration
Eli Coleman in “Developmental Stages of the Coming Out Process”
surveys current social scientific and behavioral research and proposes a
five stage model of the coming out process [see Figure 5 ]. (Coleman,
32-39) He identifies the following stages of the coming out process:
Pre-coming Out; Coming Out; Exploration; First Relationships; and,
Identity Integration. (Coleman, 32-39) The pre-coming out stage is
associated with feelings of alienation, being alone and different, and low
self-esteem. Moreover, as Coleman notes, individuals in the pre-coming out
stage often employ the psychological defense mechanisms of denial,
repression, reaction formation, sublimation, and rationalization to
prevent the existential crisis that may occur when the individual, family,
and society confronts a deviant sexual orientation. (Coleman, 32-39)
Coleman writes that the individual in the coming out stage is signified by
conscious and semi-conscious perceptions of oneself as something other
than what they are assumed to be or labeled as being. In some cases this
dawning perception is that one is an autonomous, self-defining agent.
Although one may not, perhaps, have a clear understanding of this new
authenticity as a self- directed human being, there is awareness,
acknowledgement, and the rudiments of a more genuine self-identification.
(Coleman, 33-34)
Conscious and semi-conscious thoughts of the absurdity of existence, of
radical human freedom, and the possibility of creating one’s own essence
are not the only signs characteristic of the coming out stage. Coleman
also observes that telling others, or self-disclosure, and the need for
external validation is vital to coming out and healthy
self-acceptance. (Coleman, 34)
Coleman notes that self-disclosure involves risk taking in that the
individual can never definitively know prior to the act of disclosure the
reaction of those to whom one comes out. These risks---of rejection,
ridicule, and hurt---are balanced against the need for external
validation. (Coleman, 34) If the reactions to self-disclosure are
positive, internalized oppression may evaporate, self-esteem may improve,
and the existential crisis may begin to successfully resolve itself. If
the reactions are negative, however, oppressive notions may be reinforced,
sealing stereotypes in the mind, and planting the seeds of self-loathing
and self-hatred. (Coleman, 34-35)
Coleman’s third stage, the exploration phase, is characterized by
experimenting with one’s new identity. This stage provides an
opportunity to honestly and openly interact with others within the context
of one’s new identity. Coleman describes the events of this stage as a
sort of “crashing out”: the individual may exhibit signs of
awkwardness during the intensity of the exploration phase. Individuals in
this stage are occupied with developing interpersonal skills, a sense of
personal attractiveness; and sensual, sexual, and spiritual competence to
support their newly created self-identity. (Coleman, 35-37)
The last two stages of Coleman’s model are first relationships and
identity integration. First relationships represent the need for intimacy
which is often developed within the context of long-term committed
relationships. From a social learning perspective, the goal of first
relationships is to understand how one may develop intimate
relationships---that combine both emotional depth and sexual desire---in a
patriarchal society where the norm is opposite-sex only marriages that are
based on the distribution of wealth, the commodification of sexuality, and
the disregard of emotive needs. (Coleman, 38)
Coleman asserts that the final stage of coming out, identity integration,
incorporates the private, or hidden, self into the public, or role-bound,
self. This synthesis facilitates the emergence of a solid, aesthetic,
creative, self-defined identity and self-image characterized by
non-possessiveness, mutual trust, and freedom. (Coleman, 39)
Coleman, however, also notes that the resolution of the conflict between
the public face one allows others to see and the hidden truth of one’s
self-identity, as manifested in the pre-coming out stage, ultimately
requires resolution. The choices he offers for the resolution of this
existential dilemma are these: suicide; hiding one’s true feelings and
desires; or, bravely squaring off with the existential crisis of being
different and deviating from the prefabricated roles that society demands
human beings assume. By acknowledging the universal condition that
individual human beings possess differences that enrich being human,
individuals challenge the cultural barriers that prevent them from
realizing their own authenticity and freedom. (Coleman, 39)
Source: adapted from Eli Coleman (1982). “Developmental Stages of the
Coming Out Process” in John C. Gonsiorek, ed. (1985). A Guide to
Psychotherapy with Gay and and Lesbian Clients. New York: Harrington Park
Press.
Constance Lavender is a freelance e-journalist from Galloway, New
Jersey Contracted HIV in the 1980s, Widowed in the 1990s, Now your Humble
Servant in the 21st Century. Interested in Communications
Technology in the Age of Information & Knowledge, Ms. Lavender is a
Correspondent who believes A Free Country Is Premised On A Free Press.
In the best spirit of Benj. Franklin and Silence Dogood, I have
committed myself to constantly responding to the spin of mainstream
journalism and corporate news.
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