Tales from the Twilight Zone-July

Tales from the Twilight Zone-July

Becky Burgwin

Kerry picks Edwards but don't be fooled.

This guy is not just a pretty face. Well, OK. He is a pretty face.

Good News:

KERRY PICKS EDWARDS AS RUNNING MATE.

John Edwards is smart, shrewd and gorgeous. And I say that even though I still haven't gotten over his attack on Howard Dean. (I can hold a grudge for years.) He went after the former Vermont governor for saying that he wanted white people who have Confederate flags on their pickup trucks to return to the democratic party. Edwards said something like this. "We in the south don't need you to champion our causes, thank-you very much." Ouch! It stung me then, but it sounds tough and confrontational now. He's a personal injury lawyer and they can be pit bulls. Happy days are here again"we have a pit bull on the democratic ticket who's better looking than JFK and standing next to the Prince of Darkness; he'll look like royalty. I can't wait for their first debate.

Great news. Kenny-boy Lay will be indicted this week for lying to his shareholders and causing every single one of his employees to lose their job and their life's savings at the same time. Death row in Texas sounds good to me but only if we can bring back the most prolific executioner in our country's history, GW Bush.

High Level High-Jinx:

Separated at birth?

Does anyone but me get a huge dose of satisfaction when they hear the administration's front men trying to say that the facts disclosed in Fahrenheit 9/11 are false? Every single detail of that movie was researched to the hilt and they know it. They are so busted. The tide is turning. And, as I like to say, THEY'RE GOIN' DOWN.

And now we have Halliburton to thank for bringing back the $750 toilet seat. Monogrammed towels for their employees in Kuwait ? $7.50 each! The towels say, "M.W.R." My guess: "Murder, Waste, Ruin."

Absurdities:

Does this look like a guy who's name is Scooter? Well it is.

Be afraid, be very afraid.

It seems as though every little escapade that comes out of this rotten to the core administration has a trail of worms that leads to Scooter Libby. I think Scooter and Cheney resemble Mr. Burns and Smithers on the Simpsons. As everybody knows, Smithers is a closeted homosexual who's in love with Mr. Burns. Do you think they've had any encounters like this?

Scooter imagines Cheney naked popping out of a Birthday cake and singing "Happy Birthday dear Scooter." Then, when trying to cheer Cheney up, Scooter dresses up as a bear and asks Mr. Cheney to hug him, squeeze him and pull on his fur. Scooter groans when Cheney collides into him while standing between the White House and the Capitol. (Shamelessly stolen from Simpson archives. Thanks guys.)

Scooter's escapades: (that we know of)

·        Founding Member of the Project for a New American Century an organization dedicated to aggressive, unilateral and unprovoked conquest of the Middle East and perhaps the entire world.

·        The Outing of Valerie Plame as revenge for husband Joseph Wilson's discrediting of the claim that Hussein sought nuclear materials in Niger . He may get put away for this one. (Say goodnight, Scooter.)

·        Private attorney to billionaire Marc Rich. After Rich jumped bail and went to Switzerland to avoid prosecution on racketeering, wire fraud, income tax evasion and illegal oil trading charges, Scooter became his personal attorney for 17 years. Bill Clinton, touching off yet another multi-million dollar investigation of the Clintons , then pardoned rich.

·        In 1992 Scooter began looking for ways to finish the job Bush I started in Iraq culminating with his false claim that 9/11 hijacker Mohammed Atta had a secret meeting with Saddam Hussein. False.

·        Scooter was a major player in the task of bringing the PNAC's dream of gaining possession of the second richest oil fields in the world.

Media Malfeasance:

In response to our classy vice-president's remarks to Sen. Leahy on the senate floor, the media has unearthed John Kerry's use of the "F"word in an interview with Rolling Stone magazine. Let's see"senate floor"Rolling Stone"senate floor"Rolling Stone. Nope, no difference there.

Also, after the Repugnant Party put a picture of Adolph Hitler on their official website in along side pictures of Gore, Dean, Kerry, the media is brought up an ad that was sent to MoveOn.org comparing Bush to Hitler during their ad contest in January. MoveOn received thousands of ads and as soon as the one about Hitler was brought to their attention, they took it off their site and made a formal apology. The Bush administration has never apologized for anything"ever. And as for Kerry mentioning "brown shirts""let's see"picture of Hitler""brown shirts""picture of Hitler""brown shirts." Nope, no difference there.

Last night I watched a serious discussion amongst Newsweek's Howard Fineman and MSNBC's Chris Matthews (say it ain't so, Chris) about how important Dick Cheney has been to our country during these times of crisis and how he has changed the office of vice-president. There were no questions regarding Cheney's complicity in these times of crisis or in his involvement in more major policy decisions than our actual president. Let's see"ripping off taxpayers"planning to invade Iraq for over ten years"ripping off taxpayers"planning to invade Iraq for over 10 year. Nope, definitely not your run-of-the-mill VP.

And Chris, Moore 's movie didn't say Bush was cavorting with Osama, it said the Bush family has been doing business with the Bin Laden family for decades. It also said that if the Saudis pulled their money out of American banks, our country would collapse. So these guys have been working with the Saudis for decades and they didn't want to undermine that relationship. Very altruistic of them. So concerned with the country's economy. I feel better already. Man, I am so disappointed in you. You haven't done your homework on this. Read Paul Krugman's book, The Great Unraveling or Moore 's book, Hey Dude, I Want My Country Back. Sheesh. You think you know a guy.

Questions Concerning The Elephant in the Living Room:

1.      Does anyone else think that maybe they moved up the transfer of power to Iraq to stem the tide of bad publicity from Michael Moore's movie?

2.      Is there anyone else in the entire world who could get booed at Yankee stadium but Dick Cheney?

3.      Would Osama Bin Laden get booed at Yankee stadium?

4.      How about Saddam Hussein?

5.      And where is the Iraqi oil money? Children, can you spell H-a-l-l-i-b-u-r-t-o-n?

6.      How come Bill Clinton had to testify under oath during the numerous investigations into his nefarious dealings and George Bush doesn't. Let's see "blow job"tens of thousands of dead people"blow job"tens of thousands of dead people. Nope, no difference there.

7.      What would have happened if MoveOn had picked the Adolph Hitler ad to air during the Super Bowl instead of the ad showing children doing adult jobs to protest the deficit?

8.      What would have happened if Al Gore had told Dick Cheney to go f*ck himself on the floor of the senate?

Connecting the Dots:

Thanks to Michael Moore, the dots have been expertly connected and put on display for all to see. The Bin Ladens and the Bushes are in business together. End of discussion. No longer will I be called a conspiracy nut when I tell my husband that the Bin Laden's were flown out of the country while people were waiting for life saving organ transplants. The truth is out. They were airlifted"no questions asked. Halliburton is ripping off US taxpayers and the Iraqis. James Baker's law firm represented the Saudi's when they were sued by the 9/11 family members. And I don't know about you but the close-up footage of Bush's face in the classroom on the morning of 9/11 during the 8 minutes that he knew the country was under attack but just sat there, is going to stick with me for a long time.

 The magnitude of the tragedy that our leaders have perpetrated upon our own troops and the people of Iraq is incalculable. It is something that these victims will never ever forget and neither should we. I only hope that someday the men, who have lined their pockets with the booty that prompted them to do this unspeakable thing, will feel the shame and receive the punishment that is their due.

Humor:

Attached you will see the photo of a label from a laptop bag that is made by a small American company. The label is in French.  Translation at end.

Here is the translation:

And finally, for all you folks who might be just getting the picture...

WE'RE NOT IN KANSAS ANYMORE:

Ms. Burgwin's writings have appeared in Time, Newsweek , New York Magazine, Counterpunch, Alternet and OpEdNews as well as several other online Op Ed sites. She is on the Board of Aid Afghanistan and one of the contributors to the Peace Project in Assisi , Italy . Send questions, comments, and critiques to rburgwin@aol.com.