Uh Oh!  The House just passed a bill that increases the “Indecency” fine from $32,500 to $500,000 for a company and from $11,000 to $500,000 for an individual entertainer.  After the vote (which passed 389-38), Texas Republican Representative Joe Barton gleefully exclaimed “This legislation makes great strides in making it safe for families to come back into their living rooms.”  So, I immediately removed the duct tape that I had used to seal off that room in my house.  
     After Tom Ridge had suggested that duct tape could save me from a chemical attack, I purchased a pretty big supply of it.  But after last year’s Super Bowl half-time show, I had a choice to make:  Save the duct tape in case of a chemical attack or use it to seal off the living room just in case some other wayward harlot decides to bare her breast on my television.
     It was a relatively easy choice.  We all know that a bare breast is far more dangerous than any chemical weapon.  John Ashcroft taught me that after he draped a fabric over the bare-breasted Spirit of Justice statue, so the evil breast would not entice good Christian men to forsake their religion and become whoremongers as opposed to warmongers which Ashcroft enthusiastically condones. 
     Of course, I’m being sarcastic- except for the “Ashcroft endorses warmongering” part.  But seriously.  Are there really people who were so frightened by Janet Jackson’s breast (which I wasn’t even sure that I saw) that they were afraid to turn on their TV?  Last time I checked, there were plenty of channels that offered “family entertainment.” There are plenty of videos and DVD’s in the Family section of the local Video store.  And- I know some people may be shocked at what I’m about to say.  In fact to some, it may border on blasphemy.  But, there is always the option of NOT watching TV at all.
     There is very little, if anything, that I see on TV that offends me.   Let me rephrase that.  There isn’t anything that I see on TV that offends me enough to launch a campaign to “protect” other people from their own choices.  However, I am offended that some things are not shown on TV.  The flag-draped coffins of our military dead returning home.  The seriously wounded and limbless soldiers who have returned from Iraq and Afghanistan.  Or just real images of War.  Do the government and the media (sometimes it’s hard to differentiate where one begins and the other ends when it comes to this war) think that we can’t handle seeing these things?  Or more likely, do they fear that all the bumper sticker patriots might stop cheerleading the war if they were confronted with these images?  And the American people aren’t demanding it.  I guess we want “reality” in our shows, just not our wars.
     On Fox News, we have the feel good, sanitized (or maybe "Hannitized") war.  All the other cable news channels and the Big Three have been  battered by the “liberal bias” attacks for so long that- when not assuming a defensive posture- are neutered by their own self-censorship in hopes that the attacks will stop and maybe their ratings will increase.  Get over it!  You will never please the conservatives unless your news consists solely of the latest White House press release read verbatim.
     Dr. Peter Philips, director of “Project Censored” which focuses on media censorship, recently offered that “U.S. society has become the least informed, best entertained society in the world.” It’s a very simple assessment of U.S. society, but it is also glaringly true.  We get distracted by reality shows, narrow issues, and even breasts that, in the grand scheme of things, really don’t matter.  Some people would say that a $500,000 fine for “Indecency” is a little steep when Wal-Mart was fined a measly $135,000 recently for violating child labor laws.  But- you have to have priorities, right?
     Getting back to the question I posed in the title of this piece.  Since the final tally for Bush’s War can’t yet be determined, I’ll use a conservative estimate.  Michael E. O’Hanlon, a defense analyst at the Brookings Institution, said there was “a likelihood of [The War in Iraq] hitting $300 billion... [with] a distinct possibility we’ll reach 400 [billion]” So, let’s use the $300 billion figure from the war.  And just for fun, let’s use a $500,000 fine per breast.  Drum roll, please!   That would be 600,000 breasts.  So, let’s get going ladies!  We’ve got a war to fund!

 

 

Jeffrey Thomas Boutin is a freelance writer living in Florida who once lived in Ohio. Though technically not responsible for either election debacle, he still feels guilt by association. He also lived in North Carolina during the reign of Jesse Helms. If his track record continues, Tennessee- the only place left he has lived so far- will be the birthplace of the Anti-Christ. Any suggestions of sane places to live in this country can be sent to btrmelnfrm@aol.com.