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John K Roberts

                 
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I am a part time idiot and a full time moron. As publisher of EAT THE PRESS - Don't Read It, I promote illiteracy as a Constitutional Right guaranteed by the Constitution and the Holy Bible. It's in the bible, somewhere. The content of EAT THE PRESS is worthless, the value is in the nutrients in the pulp in the paper when one Eats It. Eat It, Eat It - Don't Beat it.

As a satirical writer, I composed material for Richard Pryor, Paul Moony, Pat Paulsen, Laugh-In and a slew of dysfunctional comedy teams that are currently in prison.

I never knew my mother - she died at childbirth, her own.
My father died at the tender age of 9; he was a precociously little bugger.
I was raised by my weirdo Uncle, "touch me". Every mourning "Touch Me", would kick me up the stairs, then down the stairs. One morning, I decided to do something about it - I tore out the stairs. But, that didn't stop, "Touch Me", what stopped him was falling into the whole where the stairs used to be.


http://EatThePressDontReadIt@newsvine.com

OpEdNews Member for 76 week(s) and 4 day(s)

3 Articles, 0 Quick Links, 28 Comments, 0 Diaries, 1 Series, 0 Polls

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Friday, November 15, 2013 (2 comments)      Share on Google Plus Submit to Twitter Add this Page to Facebook! Share on LinkedIn Pin It! Add this Page to Fark! Submit to Reddit Submit to Stumble Upon
Blow Before You Vote - Parents Against Drunk Legislators! With the eruption in Congress of Tea Pukes, Drunk Legislators, and freaked-out Congress persons, it is my humbled-by-the-times opinion that we should put them down, or force them to Blow into a Breathalyzer Before They Vote.

Friday, November 15, 2013 (11 comments)      Share on Google Plus Submit to Twitter Add this Page to Facebook! Share on LinkedIn Pin It! Add this Page to Fark! Submit to Reddit Submit to Stumble Upon
The UnHoly Marriage of "gay bashing" Evangelical, Bored Again Christian Hypocrites to the Intellectually challeded Tea Why is America crowded at the top with so many religious dumb mongrels ruining America? Why, I know, Earl, and I am gonna tell ya!

Saturday, November 9, 2013 (27 comments)      Share on Google Plus Submit to Twitter Add this Page to Facebook! Share on LinkedIn Pin It! Add this Page to Fark! Submit to Reddit Submit to Stumble Upon
You Know You Are Old When - Some of us don't know that we are getting older. Here are a few clues to guide one through the Golden Shower years as you slowly evaporate at the Jesse Helm's Retirement Home for Befuddled Re-Puritans and Calcified Conservative. Have fun, and, please add your observations in the comment section.