OpEdNews » OpEdNews Author's Page for Jane Stillwater

Stillwater is a freelance writer who hates injustice and corruption in any form but especially injustice and corruption paid for by American taxpayers. She has recently published a book entitled, "Bring Your Own Flak Jacket: Helpful Tips For Touring Today's Middle East". According to Ms. Stillwater, "It's a fabulous and entertaining book. I loved writing it. And I hope that you will love reading it too." It's available at http://www.amazon.com/Bring-Your-Own-Flak-Jacket/dp/0978615719 or you can special order it at any independent bookstore.

OpEdNews Member for 151 week(s) and 4 day(s)

419 Articles, 0 Quick Links, 57 Comments, 9 Diaries, 0 Polls

419 Articles

Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Ah the life of a Reporter: McCain tried to kill me & Obama doesn't want me backstage!
It's hard being a reporter. You always have to come up with hot stories. Maybe the Republican convention has some? About McCain's face-lift? Or the 150+ private jets that flew into Aspen to greet him last week? Or maybe I could write about all those bank runs -- or the coming up wars? But maybe America doesn't need any more hot stories. Maybe all we need these days is honest government.

Sunday, August 24, 2008
The new Spartans: Dealing with the results of a militarized America
(6 comments) Let's do the math. Our military is now stretched very thin -- covering Iraq, Afghanistan, South Korea, Latin America, Georgia -- plus those missile thingies in Poland. And that's just for starters. But can we afford this? No. At this rate, McCain will soon be forced to go back in the Navy and Obama will have to go off to Boot Camp! And look what happened to Sparta in the same situation -- they had no Plan B!

Friday, August 22, 2008
Leaving with honor: My 12th and final report from Iraq
(1 comments) Now might be a good time for our troops in Iraq to "Leave with honor", before those [leaders] in Washington cause the dollar to collapse even further and we can no longer afford to stay there whether we want to or not. And what about me? Will I be able to "Leave with honor" too? Without getting any more bug bites or getting lost?

Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Report from Iraq # 11: Wherein 25 Iraqi journalists invade my bedroom & I meet an admiral
In the Green Zone, I interviewed an Iraqi journalist (he said Maliki must do what the Americans tell him to do), met an Iraqi admiral & a Brit captain -- who I think said the British navy is responsible for protecting oil interests. I also had to ride the Rhino again & got bug-bite advice from a conservative journalist -- who I then gave advice about the dangers of corporate welfare. Then we argued about Georgia and the Surge

Sunday, August 17, 2008
The scariest thing that I've seen in Iraq so far? CNN! (Report from Iraq, Pt. 10)
(1 comments) After going without sleep for days, I started to get very pessimistic -- but not about Iraq. Iraq is going well. "But what good," I asked myself, "is all this hopefulness here going to do us if CNN, Bush/McCain and even Obama all keep promoting endless war?" And if America falls off the cliff again into more Iraqs, Vietnams, Mogadishus, failed states, Cold Wars?

Thursday, August 14, 2008
Ready & Forward: Going on patrol with 10 Cav and getting lost again (My report from Iraq, Pt 9)
(3 comments) "The main test of our soldiers' idealism, character & honor will be whether or not our military once again blindly follows the corporatists' orders without doing their research. If Bush, Cheney or McCain orders our military to attack Iran...or Venezuela...or Russia...or San Francisco, where will these honorable men and women draw the line?" I asked myself while out on patrol of the streets of Baghdad. With photos to prove it.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Jane Stillwater, Cache Raider? (My embed report from Iraq, Pt 8)
I went out with the troops to visit the neighborhoods again yesterday. A young mother wanted her husband released from jail, we saw an abandoned home, tracked possible AQI members and planned a night raid. Can I come too? I like our troops. They do a good job. But will they be ready, willing or even able to clean up after GWB if he makes another mess like this in Iran?

Sunday, August 10, 2008
Dear Abby: I'm over here in Iraq.... (Part 7 of my Iraq embed report)
I have lots of questions about Iraq. Will Dear Abby answer them? What really happened with the Camp Falcon explosion? Do I really have to drink all that water? Are MRAPS really safe? If soldiers yell at their sweethearts over the phone, will they stop being unfaithful? Are Cheney and them trying to start another Cold War? Dear Abby....

Saturday, August 9, 2008
Stuck in Baghdad freeway rush-hour traffic -- in a Bradley tank: My Iraq embed, Part 6
(1 comments) What's it like to ride in a Bradley tank through the streets of Baghdad? You're about to find out. And did you know that the UN distributes food in Baghdad? That everyone at her work is trying to marry my daughter Ashley off? And that the Beagle Boys in Washington hardly ever come to Iraq -- they're too busy hounding John Edwards and Paris Hilton.

Friday, August 8, 2008
Report from Iraq: If the Iraq Army wants to buy $10.6 billion in weapons, then let's have a fire sale!
(1 comments) Juan Cole says there's talk about getting out of Iraq by 2010. The Iraq Slogger says the Iraq Army is looking to buy $10.9 bn in weaponry. So. Let's have a yard sale & sell Iraq all our tanks, etc -- before we end up giving them to Iraq for free. And the Shia Govt needs to have an election before its base gets pissed off that no Big Oil money is trickling down to them. And those dogs at my COP are still trying to bite me.

Thursday, August 7, 2008
Survivor Baghdad: I've finally made it to the Big City!
(2 comments) I left my new Ian Rankin novel back on the C-130, got driven across Baghdad in an MRAP and ended up at Camp Falcon. My new roommate there is a war correspondent. "I have PTSD and I think that McCain has it too. Victims of PTSD tend to spin out of control occasionally. But what if he gets elected and goes out of control while he has his finger on the red button?" Obviously, she is not voting for McCain.

Thursday, August 7, 2008
Children reflect their parents: Patrolling the streets of Baghdad's Al Rasheed district
Today we patrolled Al Rasheed, met real Iraqis who were very poor & gave small business owners some mini-grants. We should also give mini-grants to small businesses back in the States! And the children were very friendly, not throwing stones -- which seems to reflect their parents' thinking. I miss my granddaughter & the soldiers here miss their families too. And young Ashley just e-mailed me about a new flavor of gelato!

Wednesday, August 6, 2008
What doesn't go on in Iraq -- stays in Afghanistan: My Iraq embed, part three
Apparently Afghanistan is heating up now and Iraq is cooling off. So the US military is deploying more troops to Afghanistan -- and apparently Arabic foreign fighters are deploying there too. And I finally got a flight out to Baghdad.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008
My embed in Iraq, continued: Turning up the heat in Kuwait....
It's hot in Kuwait, but I had a mission -- to buy my daughter a soccer jersey. I did it but it was HOT. You gotta give the US military snaps for carrying around all that equipment in the heat. I'd like to see Bush, Obama & McCain humping all that equipment in this heat. Obama might do it but Bush & McCain were born with silver spoons in their mouths & probably wouldn't last long enough to hump all that body armor OUT of Iraq

Monday, August 4, 2008
Fear of flying: The scariest thing about going to Iraq is the turbulence over the Atlantic!
I hate to fly. And there's a rape video going around the Middle East that is scaring Muslims about us almost as much as shock-jocks are scaring their audiences in the US about Muslims. And I made it as far as Kuwait without having a heart attack from sustained terror that only comes from flying through turbulence....

Friday, August 1, 2008
Embedded in Iraq -- but not on Blogspot!
(2 comments) I've got the credentials to be embedded in Iraq but not at the Democratic or Republican conventions -- and Google/blogger.com just informed me that my blog was just locked down because it was "spam". Well. If writing about how the economy is tanking is being considered as spam these days, then free speech is in more trouble than we thought.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Revolution: The aftermath of creating an American peasantry?
(2 comments) I just listened to John Reed's book-on-tape called "Insurgent Mexico" wherein the peons finally got fed up and revolted. But we don't have a peasant class here in America, do we? At least not for now -- but you just wait! PS: I'm leaving for Iraq again on Saturday.

Sunday, July 27, 2008
What goes on in Wall Street, stays on Wall Street....
My mother always told me when I was growing up that our family was totally POOR. I'm older & wiser now & can note that my parents owned their home, bought expensive clothes & took European vacations. How poor could they have been? I think that Wall Street & the Federal Reserve are doing the same thing now -- crying poor while they take European vacations. & we naive Americans may never find out "What goes on in Wall Street..."

Thursday, July 24, 2008
How come our favorite online news services didn't get credentialed for the national presidential conventions?
(5 comments) I just checked to see if the Congressional Press Gallery had credentialed me to cover the national conventions. They hadn't. But many of our favorite progressive news services hadn't been credentialed either. Yet the MSM who supported the invasion of Iraq, housing deregulation, etc have been credentialed on mass. If I was a progressive news service, I'd be really pissed about this.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Dear John: The only way to "win" in Iraq is to leave
Poor sweet be-nighted John McCain! He thinks we are still trying to "win" in Iraq. That's old-school thinking. We already "won" back in 2003. Now the only way we can "win" is to leave and then see if the place falls apart without us or not. Or else send me over there and if I can walk down the street without getting kidnapped, killed or sold into prostitution, then that's a victory right there. And THEN we can leave!

Monday, July 21, 2008
Operation Hydra: Air Force disaster relief training, flying all over California, GWB & me....
I recently went on a tour of the USAF's Contingency Response Wing's readiness training exercise, in case of a major disaster. This article is rather long but you should slog through it anyway. Why? So you would know what our military is capable of in case of another Katrina or 9-11. Also Bush showed up for a Republican fund-raiser at our airbase that day. And us taxpayers paid for his transportation. That sucks eggs.

Saturday, July 19, 2008
"Survivor Iraq" vs. "Survivor Afghanistan": Which reality show will get the top rating this year?
(1 comments) After five whole years of being one of the highest-rated shows on TV ever, "Survivor Iraq" is starting to slip in the popularity polls and "Survivor Afghanistan" is starting to edge up. What's with that? Now everyone wants to be a contestant on "Survivor Afghanistan" and no one is watching "Survivor Iraq" any more. But what about starting a NEW reality show -- "Survivor America". Nah, no corporations would sponsor that one.

Sunday, July 13, 2008
Richard Engel's book "War Journal" gives us the Big Picture on Iraq & may help us predict what will happen there next...
The US troops' role in Iraq has changed. They are now more like cops on the beat, going out to the hot-spots & supporting the rule of law. This is new -- and Engel's book describes the situation on the ground amazingly well in this regard. But how much longer can we afford to pay for this? And if America leaves, will Iran and the Saudis step in? Hey, at least they know how to "deal with Arabs," a talent Bush does not possess.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008
The "Hanoi Hilton" revisited -- and making plans for the new Baghdad Hilton too
(5 comments) What do Vietnam and Iraq have in common? The deceivers who started both wars justified their continuation of them because of the communism (and Islamofascism) "Domino Theory" and "to keep the country from sliding into chaos and civil war". Now Vietnam has Corporatism, not communism. Plus it has a REAL Hilton hotel. If we get out of Iraq now, will it also have a REAL Baghdad Hilton after a couple of years? It's time to find out

Saturday, July 5, 2008
Wanna go to North Korea in September? Here's your chance!
My friend Mrs. Hwa Young Lee just called me. She's trying to put together a tour to North Korea in September. "Jane, do you know anyone who might be interested in going?" she asked. "There will be Mass Games." What in the freak is a Mass Game? Go to North Korea with Mrs Lee and find out!

Friday, July 4, 2008
Bad money karma: The falling dollar & its effect on a former South African bantustan village -- and me!
I had made plans to help out a women's crafts cooperative in Motswedi by selling their hand-made stationery at a store here in Berkeley. But GWB put a monkey-wrench in my plans by letting the economy get SO bad that the stationery store here went out of business. Now I'm selling the cards on the street or trying to sell them to YOU. First GWB ruined Christianity, then he ruined the peace dividend and now this!

Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Innocents Abroad: Richard Engel's new book and going off to Najaf in Iraq....
I heard Ariana Huffington, Richard Engel and that Kos guy at a panel discussion recently. Here's a report -- and also a report on Engel's new book on Iraq, a real page-turner. Plus he describes upcoming tours of the holy city of Najaf. I want to go! And maybe I could bring back some REAL facts about Iraq, not just the ones Bush made up.

Thursday, June 26, 2008
Buried in the back yard: Dig anywhere in Iraq & find wall-to-wall weapons caches?
I love making fun of GWB but try not to make jokes at the US military's expense. Until now. Sorry but I just can't resist! The military keeps sending me press releases about weapons caches found in Iraq. They must be everywhere! But there ARE places there that do not have wall-to-wall caches. Bet you can't find any caches under the 200+ permanent US bases now in Iraq. Whew! What a relief.

Sunday, June 22, 2008
The corporatists vs. the grandmothers
(2 comments) Can you believe the example that UC Regents are setting for their students about what is most important in life, actually announcing on TV that they plan to starve the tree-sitters out -- just a half-mile from where Mario Savio proclaimed in 1964, "There is a time when the operation of the machine becomes so odious, makes you so sick at heart, that you can't take part...." I wanted to cry. But grandmothers are fighting back!

Sunday, June 22, 2008
An October Surprise: Some thoughts on robbing a bank and going to Iran....
How can you tell if Iraq is finally done living behind Bush's "Iron Curtain"? When Global Exchange is able to run tours to Baghdad again. But they are runnng a tour of Iran this October. I want to go! But how to afford it? Guess I'll just have to follow another Bush family example and go rob a bank....

Sunday, June 15, 2008
The future of books: Amazon's president talks about electronic books you can snuggle up with...
Jeff Bezos, the president of Amazon.com, just gave a speech about his new "Kindle" product, an electronic book. Apparently they are selling like hotcakes and at $359 a pop, that's impressive. But what effect will Kindle have on bookstores and libraries? And if books have a future, will I have one too? I hate it that we can't see what is coming up next! And how do I go about getting MY book published on Kindle too?

Friday, June 13, 2008
The special "Hell's Kitchen" edition of my housing co-op newsletter
My housing co-op is in such run-down physical condition that it almost burned down last week -- plus the Board of Directors refuses to settle my HUD Fair Housing complaint. But what would Chef Ramsey say if he was running Savo Island? "Shut it down!" But, Chef, this is my HOME! "Well then fire the Board of Directors. Immediately!" YES, CHEF!

Thursday, June 12, 2008
Thomas Friedman's "Hot, Flat & Crowded": Replacing the "War on Terror" with a "War on Global Warming"?
(3 comments) Friedman is giving very persuasive arguments as to why America needs to become the world leader in the new Green Revolution. Becoming "Hot, Falt and Crowded" is a much bigger and scarier danger to us than Iraq ever was. But we also need to make sure that neo-cons and corporatists don't take this over and change it into yet another way to scare Americans into giving them free access to the national pocketbook once again.

Sunday, June 8, 2008
Gas prices, public transit & John Zogby's new book on America's future: My 2008 Book Expo Report, Part 2
Zogby said that Americans are basically "a sober, caring, honest, ethical people," and that young Americans are not just stereotyping people into 'issue' niches but want to examine eash issue, such as illegal immigration, gays, abortion and empire-building, case by case. And they want authenticity, not lies. But one of the most popular books at the Expo was Vincent Buglioli's "The Prosecution of George W. Bush For Murder".

Thursday, June 5, 2008
Camping near Yosemite in the freezing rain while looking for gold: One Love, Part 2
A contractor in Iraq told me how to pan for gold but it didn't work. But here are the instructions in case it might work for you. And after camping in the COLD and RAIN for two days I learned that if global cooling ever arrives, I'm screwed. I'm a wimp. No electricty or heat? Oh no!

Wednesday, June 4, 2008
The special "Clean House -- Home Makeover" issue of my housing co-op newsletter
Well, the Board alliance at my co-op has finally gone and done it -- HUD is about to shut our housing project down. But the good news is that I'm finally going to move to a downstairs unit and am having a junk-sorting party this Saturday. YOU are invited! And also those people on the reality TV show called "Clean House" are invited too. But I think that my junk collection is too horrifying even for them!

Monday, June 2, 2008
Dear Kos, thanks for your Book Expo speech -- and WAS Sadr City just flattened? Or not?
The Daily Kos guy has a book coming out and I got an advance copy at the 2008 Book Expo. And I also have a question of his readers -- and the readers of OpEd News too. Does anyone know what went on in Sadr City in April? Was it bombed a lot or is that just a rumor? Where is Scott McClellan when we need him!

Friday, May 30, 2008
One Love, Part 1: Visiting a Combat Support Hospital in Iraq
I visted the combat support hosptial in Anbar province, expecting the worst but only saw a handful of Iraqis and one Marine. Bush didn't play by the rules in Fallughah but the docs at the CSH do.

Monday, May 26, 2008
America's citizen-soldiers: My interview with a Marine colonel in Iraq
(1 comments) When I got an interview with the commanding officer of the "Fighting Fifth" regiment in Anbar, my brain froze. But later it occurred to me that this officer was one in a long tradition of citizen-soldiers who can be trusted to reconstruct Iraq. But still the Iraqis fight against the Americans -- instead of letting our soldiers help them with a new Marshall Plan. Why? Because the Iraqis can't trust Cheney and Bush. Would you?

Thursday, May 22, 2008
Expanding the "war" in order to end it: What Cambodia & Iran have in common
(2 comments) Nixon ran for election on a platform of ending the war on Vietnam -- and he justified bombing Cambodia because it was a way to end the Vietnam quagmire. So what happened? The "war" ended alright -- but only because the bombing of Cambodia pissed everyone in Southeast Asia off so much that they all fought like hell to get rid of the Americans! And now Bush is going to try the same thing by bombing Iran? Good grief.

Saturday, May 17, 2008
Dust bowl: Like Okies in the 1930s, Iraqi farmers must move on or dig in
While stranded in a dust storm in Anbar province I started wishing I could interview an Iraqi farmer about the current famine and resulting dust bowl here. But over tea and Froot Loops for breakfast in the airbase dining facility, I got to interview one of the world's leading experts on Iraqi dirt instead. Pulitzer Prize, here I come!

Thursday, May 15, 2008
Irony: I'm over here safe in Iraq and my neighbor just got shot to death in Berkeley
Apparently there really is a lot of rebuilding going on here in Anbar province. Here's a report on a lot of it. But am I drinking the Kool-Aid? Who knows. But I'm definitely brushing my teeth in it. And, sadly, I find things are safer here than in Berkeley where my neighbor just got shot to death up near Telegraph Avenue -- in broad daylight.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008
The most frequently asked question in Iraq: "What the freak is going on over here?"
(2 comments) FAQs in Iraq: Is Bush applying Milton Friedman's Shock Doctrine here in Iraq? And is he also applying it at home in America, trying to shock us insensible with "The Great Depression, Part 2" so we won't notice when he steals us all blind? Are the Marines doing a good job here? And will I be able to successfully hobble across the Al Asad airfield carrying my Kevlar without falling flat on my face?

Monday, May 12, 2008
One plane-ride away from pretty: Mothers Day in Iraq
This is my third embed in Iraq and so far it's going rather smoothly -- except that Mothers Day over here consisted of eating pumpkin pie in the DFAC, worrying about stop-loss and trying to make it to the latrine in the middle of the night in my bunny slippers.

Saturday, May 10, 2008
Where to next: A slow boat to Gaza?
(9 comments) If I had my choice, where would I like to go next? To Gaza? Or to Iraq? Or to simply hide under the bed with the rest of America as they happily ignore injustice? And then guess what happened? I went to a benefit for a boat trip to break the siege of Gaza and then I got a very surprising e-mail....

Sunday, May 4, 2008
Dear AOL subscribers: You can no longer receive e-mails containing the word "Blogspot"
(7 comments) Can you believe it? In the last two days, AOL has actually blocked ALL of the e-mails you may have received containing the Blogspot domain name! And what is AOL planning to do next? Block everyone receiving e-mails from CNN? Or Oprah? Or is it just that they hates bloggers? Or maybe they just hate me. Why not? Everyone else does.

Saturday, May 3, 2008
The special "Savo Island, the Movie" issue of my housing co-op newsletter
(2 comments) My housing co-op's board of directors is at it again. If life in my co-op was made into a movie, who would possibly believe that this stuff was happening? "Bad screenwriting!" declare Robert and Tony. But, believable or not, I still have to live here. And I'm no Julia Roberts.

Sunday, April 27, 2008
The New China: Wall-to-wall smog
(1 comments) I was so freaking jet-lagged when I got back from China that I said some things that I probably shouldn't have -- such as "If you want to know how 'aweful' Tibet was 100 years ago, just go to modern-day Bhutan," and "The Chinese may have a smog problem but THEY aren't stupid enough to allow themselves to get screwed royally by Bush, Cheney & the neo-cons like us dumb-ass Americans have."

Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Beyond Gettysburg: Consecrating the death of two Marines in Iraq, April 2008
(2 comments) Why do these two deaths seem more newsworthy than deaths of 4,042 other soldiers? Because they signal the spillover into Anbar of Maliki's failures in Basra & Baghdad. "We can not consecrate -- we can not hallow this ground," said Abraham Lincoln. No, but we CAN demand that the greedy and treacherous men who maliciously, mendaciously & deliberately covered this sacred earth with the blood of OUR Marines get what they deserve

Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Notes from a massage table in China: It's time for world peace!
(7 comments) First I got thrown out of my hotel room in China. Then the Women's Delegation got back from North Korea and rubbed it all in about what a good time they had. Then I went for a massage and had a vision on the massage table that the only thing worth living for is to bring world peace. And then I started writing my Nobel Prize acceptance speech -- but first I had to go find my luggage....

Saturday, April 19, 2008
My recent e-mail to Leila Fadel, the McClatchy bureau chief in Baghdad (Yes, I'm still trying to get embedded!)
(1 comments) When the US military rescinded my embed and stranded me in Kuwait in February, I filed a legal action against the Army in order to get my $1,780 in expenses back. That complaint has just been denied. So when I saw Ms. Fadel on the Bill Moyers show, I hoped she could help. I'm also taking this to small claims court. Maybe Judge Judy can sort this all out.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Crossing the Yalu River: The Red Army, the North Koreans and me
(1 comments) Can you believe it? I got busted in China AGAIN. What is it about me that makes authority figures from China to the US to Iraq want to question me? Is it my sensible shoes? My unruly hair? What? But I finally set actual foot on North Korean soil, er, concrete -- and didn't find any Evil. Sorry GWB. I really tried! Then I went to the Korean war museum and bought a DVD and flew a kite. And tomorrow I'm going back to the USA.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008
North Korea from the flight deck: "Mission Accomplished!"
(1 comments) Since I couldn't score a visa to North Korea though official channels, I decided to follow Gen. MacArthur's example and head for the Yalu River instead -- hopefully with more peaceful results. After I took a train from Shenyang to Dandong, the concierge at my hotel then put me on a boat and within minutes I was actually in DPRK waters! Now if only I'd been costumed up in a flight suit, I coulda crowed, "Mission Accomplished!"

Tuesday, April 15, 2008
The Wrong Occupation: Why over-extending the war-and-oil business is a bad thing
As oilmen and weapons manufacturers, Cheney and Bush double their profits every time there is a war for oil. But pickig a fight with China is NOT a good merchanising strategy. And the next thing you know, Bush & Cheney will be claiming that they need to seize America in order to take back occupied territory for the sake of defending the poor Indians. Enough is enough!

Sunday, April 13, 2008
Dear Ashley and Joe: Your poor sweet mommy just got arrested in China...
(12 comments) There I was, surrounded by rent-a-soldiers in green uniforms. all shouting "Watch out for this criminal terrorist grandmother!" in Chinese. Or at least to me that sounded like what they were yelling. OMG, I was scared! And now my children aren't gonna ever let me out of their sight again for fear I'll create yet another international incident. Rats.

Friday, April 11, 2008
Wetback: Can I sneak across the North Korean border without getting caught?
(8 comments) Am I gonna have to swim across the river between China and North Korea in order live my dream of checking to see if Bush's so-called "Axis of Evil" is all that it's cranked up to be? Or will my visa come through in time? And what are my friends in the Delegation for Friendship Among Women doing in Pyongyang without me right now? Eating! I can't believe that I'm missing all that food....

Thursday, April 10, 2008
North Korea or Bust: Me, my Shenyang hotel and www.technorati.com
(5 comments) In order to get media credentials for the political conventions this fall, you gotta have "authority" at Technorati. And I actually do. But even though I have authority there, I have ZERO authourity with the North Korean embassy in Shenyang and I'm not really sure if I have any authority at my hotel here either. But if my visa doesn't come through soon, I'm gonna end up like Eloise, the little girl who lived in a hotel.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Lost in Shenyang: A palace, Guitar Hero and a two-hour massage
Well, my tour leader finally showed up and we went on a tour of an old Manchu palace -- but I haven't gotten my visa to North Korea yet. The DPRK's bureaucracy, however, isn't quite as bad as the US military bureaucracy involved if you wanna embed in Iraq!

Monday, April 7, 2008
Report from Shenyang: The "California Beef Noodle King" is my only hope!
(3 comments) When you go to a foreign country, you gotta learn how to communicate or you just might end up with no food! That's what almost happened to me in China. And if you truly want to get what you need when you are abroad, you have to learn how to Use Your Words. You can't just waltz into a foreign country and grab what you want. (And you definitely can't just go into a foreign country and bomb people and steal their oil.)

Saturday, April 5, 2008
The New China, post-Bush Beijing, gelato & breast implants
(3 comments) I made it to Shenyang, China, last night and as far as I can tell I'm the only Caucasian in this entire city. And jet-lagged, at 3 am, I started riffing on the advantages of bovine growth hormones over getting breast implants and how gelato can increase the size of your, er, bosoms. And things are really going well in post-GWB China. Except, of course, for the rock-hard beds.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Visiting North Korea: Would Kim Yong Il like me to bring him a box of Girl Scout cookies?
After he stole the 2000 election, GWB told us about the dread "Axis of Evil". I went to Iran -- no evil there. And Iraq? Couldn't find evil there either. But what about North Korea? I was scheduled to go there but my visa fell through. Maybe if I offer Pres. Kim Yong Il a box of Girl Scout cookies, he'll let me in after all. Perhaps North Koreans aren't evil either and Bush is once again wrong?

Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Madam Jane predicts: The Bush-Cheney-McCain axis of neo-cons will attack Iran on....
(4 comments) Will the Bush-Cheney-McCain axis of globalization attack Iran before November and thus suspend the 2008 presidential elections and make a bundle of money for themselves at the expense of democracy, freedom, our economy and apple pie? Madam Jane tells all!

Sunday, March 30, 2008
What really happened to the Marines in Afghanistan? We may never know....
(1 comments) An irate Marine mom asked me to look into what actually happened to the Marines in Afghanistan that were accused of shooting civilians. She thinks that they are being railroaded by witnesses who are actually with the Taliban. So. What did actually happen in Afghanistan? That's easy to find out. I'll just read the results of the court of inquiry. Except that those results are now classified....

Friday, March 28, 2008
Plan B: Just how defensible IS the American Green Zone in Iraq?
Downtown Baghdad is in turmoil right now. the Green Zone sits right in the heart of Baghdad & it would take billions of dollars to keep it safe from siege. The supply lines are stretched too thin, C-130s can't land in case of evacuation, troops are all out by the airport -- that's like having a fire station located miles away while your house is burning. But can taxpayers afford to bring the GZ up to meet fire codes? No.

Thursday, March 27, 2008
John McCain in SF: A man of the people? Hardly.
(1 comments) Today was a boring day -- until I got to be on the radio with Cindy Sheehan and to see John McCain in San Francisco. But seeing McCain turned out to be boring too. John, where were your Republican fans? No one was outside waiting for your autograph -- plus you had to be smuggled in through the back door. After seeing the receptions that voters gave Clinton & Obama in South Carolina & Texas, that's gotta hurt.

Monday, March 24, 2008
Iraq on $5,000 a second: Where to go & what to see
Lonely Planet doesn't have any guidebooks out on post-Shock-and-Awe Iraq, so I decided to write one myself -- everything you ever wanted to know about touring the military bases of Iraq, including the best places to sleep and eat. And I've also included some hot tips. For instance, if you are ever planning to embed in Iraq as a journalist, be sure not to write any negative comments about John McCain!

Sunday, March 23, 2008
Madam Jane predicts the fall of America: Not with a bang but a whimper
(6 comments) Madam Jane is at it again. "Don't you find it ironic that all the trillions of dollars we spent on our high-tech top-flight military machine can't even BEGIN to protect us from the real danger -- the fall of the dollar." So stop being 1950s wannabes & face up to what we can do to protect ourselves now, after the Fall, in our new post-Bush world. And then start to enjoy living like Americans did 150 years ago instead.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Special "Extreme Makeover, Home Edition" issue of my housing co-op newsletter
(2 comments) Is the re-hab at my housing co-op actually finally gonna happen now? Or will the Board of Directors get their way and get rid of their prime whistle-blower -- ME! And will my two-month-old granddaughter end up living on the streets? The Stillwater family is deserving. Our home deserves an extreme makeover! Where is Ty Pennington when we need him? "Move the bus!"

Sunday, March 16, 2008
The Ides of March: A fire, winter soldiers, Barbara Lee & the squelch button
(1 comments) It was one of those days. My apartment caught on fire, we spent the night on my daughter Ashley's couch, Rep. Barbara Lee told us how bad things are in Washington and the Winter Soldiers testified to the disasters of the Iraq "war". But now that the Ides are over, things can only get better, right? As Rep. Lee says, however, "You need to turn up the street heat."

Thursday, March 13, 2008
The Marines: They're killers and attack dogs but they're OUR killers and attack dogs
(2 comments) The Marines are living in a fairy tale -- Cinderella, to be exact. That wicked stepmother known as Globalization is using them like scullery maids to do their dirty work. The Few? The Proud? Now the Bush-McCain clone is forcing them to wash its dirty laundry. And if we should ever really need the Marines to protect us, where will they be? Asleep in the attic, worn out from doing menial chores for the globalization mafia.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Death on the freeway: Eulogy for a former KBR-Iraq contractor
What happens to Americans who come back from Iraq and their health is gone? Here's one man's story. Did he commit suicide or not? And does it even matter? In either case, his health was ruined and would have never come back. Rest in peace, Dave Crow.

Monday, March 10, 2008
The Final Solution: Give Gaza back to Egypt!
(1 comments) This article has everything -- a review of the movie "10,000 BC," a good suggestion for a way out of the Gaza crisis, advice on how not to be swallowed alive by the boa constrictor of globalization and some tips on how to make mac-cheese without burning your mouth.

Saturday, March 8, 2008
Springtime in Berkeley: WOW micro-minerals, Annie's Annuals and my purple thumb
(2 comments) When my friend Melinda called and asked me to become the local distributer of a plant food called WOW, I was totally dubious -- but I gave it a try. "Uh, er, wanna buy some plant food?" I asked someone at Annie's Annuals nursery, feeling like Willie Loman in "Death of a Salesman". But I did get to see acres of flowers in bloom & a "Lord Nelson" heirloom sweet pea plant out of my trip to Annie's. My sweet pea is SO nice. Wow!

Thursday, March 6, 2008
"Another child is diagnosed with autism every 20 minutes." And nobody protests this?
(1 comments) It is totally sad that so many people have died unncessarily in "Bush's War" and it is right to protest this injustice. But how come millions are not also out protesting the huge number of babies that develop autism unneccessarily as well? Especially since a court just ruled that autism is caused by giving babies too many shots.

Sunday, March 2, 2008
Survivor Texas: Will Tribe America or Tribe Globalization be voted off on March 4? Unfortunately, tribe America will go
(1 comments) In Survivor Texas, the Globalazation tribe is competing against Tribe America. Already, three members of the Final Four are from Tribe G -- Obama, Clinton & McCain -- while Tribe America is sitting most of its players out except for perhaps Ron Paul -- plus America's players squabble among themselves all the time while Tribe Globalization falsifies tree-mail & uses the crew to beat up Tribe A. Who will win? It's a no-brainer.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Madam Jane predicts the future: "No Country for Old Cows..."
(1 comments) Madam Jane takes a look at the future of the lowly quart of milk. Yikes! Tornadoes, heat attacks, dying bees, sky-rocketing gas prices. "But MJ, is there any hope?" What can we do? Should I stock up on powdered milk or what? And why did nobody bring up MILK at the recent Cleveland presidential primary debate?

Monday, February 25, 2008
Bush & McCain get their horoscope read: "In 20 years, you will own all the world's oil"
My horoscope gave me a lecture today. "You know that McCain will win in 2008." But then what will happen? "He will follow Bush's pattern of invading oil-rich countries & 20 years from now, they will own all the oil." America will? "No, McCain & Bush. America will just be standing in line like everyone else, begging for crumbs." Why can't my horoscope be like other horoscopes & just tell me whether or not I'll find true love?

Saturday, February 23, 2008
I just got media credentials for the Ohio primary debates! What now, punk!
They'll be making history at the Ohio debate this Tuesday & I got credentialed for the "Spin Room" & everything! But will I be there? Probably not. The most I can afford now is to rent a cable-accessed motel room in Berkeley, put on my bunny slippers, break out the Fritos & make my own "Spin Room". Sigh. But I can still diss John McCain! You can always do THAT for free. PS: Does anybody know anybody in Cleveland who could....

Friday, February 22, 2008
Spending more money, buying less stuff: The new "Stealth" recession
(6 comments) We are now in a STEALTH recession. What does that mean? Unlike the gigantic Crash of 1929, this one is sneaking up on us gradually. Americans still trudge off to work every morning. They still come home to the kiddies each night. "But now you have nothing extra to spend and worrying about money is replacing baseball as the national pastime." I worry about money -- and also how I can sell my stuff NOW, before the big rush....

Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Bring your own flak jacket: Helpful tips for touring today's Middle East....
Well I'm back from living at the Kuwait airport Starbucks -- and I'm broke and hyping my book. But it looks like everyone else in America is broke too. But if you are one of the lucky ones who can still pay your rent, here's a review of my book, hint, hint....

Sunday, February 17, 2008
Embedded at the Kuwait airport Starbucks, part 2: Here come the Marines!
(1 comments) Stranded at the Kuwait airport, livng at Starbucks, begging CentCom to re-embed me in Iraq, throwing myself on the mercy of Islamic charities and the American embassy -- and I STILL managed to come up with a good story! Or maybe two or three....

Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Help Help Help! I'm stranded at the Kuwait airport Starbucks and they won't let me embed!
(5 comments) The US military has gone back on its word to embed me. Could it be because I don't like GWB? But whatever their reason, it's midnight here in Kuwait and I have no place to saty and no flight back home. Help!Help!!!!!

Monday, February 11, 2008
Why vote for Hillary: She'd be the one most likely to put Bush in jail.
(30 comments) Since Bush stole the 2000 election, my major goal in life has been to put him in jail. So. Which of the presidential candidates would be most likely to do that? Not McCain! And Obama? Who knows. But Hillary is my person. I'm thinking that she might be thinking, "Revenge is a dish best served cold." And boy do I want revenge! For 9-11, violating our Constitution, torture, Katrina, death of the American working class....

Sunday, February 10, 2008
Does prayer really work? "No."
(2 comments) At the rate I've been wearing my knees out, if prayer really worked, we'd have PEACE in the world right now. But maybe peace will come through the back door -- because America simply can't afford "war" any more. And maybe my appeal to the Pentagon to reinstate my embed will come through. And maybe Desperate Housewives will get back on the air and...maybe in 2008 we won't just elect "More of the Same". Not a prayer.

Thursday, February 7, 2008
"Mom likes you better!": Living on the government teat in Iraq
(3 comments) Can you believe it? I'm being thrown out of Iraq AGAIN! And I haven't even gotten over there yet. They told me to come, I bought my plane ticket and then they canceled my embed. Now I'm stuck with the ticket. In Bush's America, it's all a matter of access -- who gets access to the news and who does not. And apparently I don't. Why? Apparently because I keep hatin' on GWB. My bad.

Monday, February 4, 2008
"In America -- without George Bush": Teddy Kennedy visits Oakland....
(1 comments) The last of the Kennedy brothers took Oaktown by storm last Saturday. What a speech! And to think I almost didn't go because I thought that the campaign trail was boring. "Do you know where we will be one year from today?" he asked us. "In America -- without George Bush!" That got him a standing ovation. "And we need the young people to get involved in politics." It was an Obama rally but Kennedy's speech has universal appeal.

Friday, February 1, 2008
Forget about Dance Wars: "Court Wars" is the show we should be watching in 2008!
There's another elephant in the "spin room" these days. Whoever gets elected President gets to stack the Supreme Court. Here is a review of the decisions our present court has made in the past year. Usually the votes went 5 to 4 in favor of the "proceduralists". Kennedy usually sits on the line. But if McCain (shudder) or Romney or Huckabee get to pick the next few justices, us progressives are screwed.

Saturday, January 26, 2008
What would Jesus do? Tear down the wall between Jerusalem & Bethlehem!
(3 comments) WWJD? He'd treat all citizens of Israel/Palistine equally. Justice for all. But I have other things to worry about right now. For instance, what will President McCain do when he is elected? Work his fingers to the bone for the weapons industry, of course. Isn't that why we elected him? Aren't a million more Humvees just what we need right now? McCain's militarization Roadmap will take US down the same path that Gaza is now on!

Friday, January 25, 2008
The Special "Big Brother House" issue of my housing co-op newsletter
I always said that living at my housing co-op is like living in a soap opera but now I think it's more like being on a reality show -- the Big Brother House. Step inside with me and listen to Julie Chen explain why I need to form an alliance -- and fast! Maybe I can form one with HUD, the ultimate Head of Household.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008
"I'm still drunk!": A visit from a member of Generation X-Box....
(3 comments) What the freak is happening to members of Generation X-Box? They drink like fish! Could it be because there are so many brands of alcohol being marketed that taste too much like the soda-pop they drank as kids? Kevin found out the hard way. He drank, he passed out and he PEED in his girlfriend's bed! So we did an intervention, gave him some Depends, and told him to try saving the world instead.

Monday, January 21, 2008
In 2009, who would you want in the White House when the spit hits the fan? The SC debate, Episode 4
(3 comments) How are you going to decide who to vote for in 2008? Here's a suggestion. Imagine who you want to be in the White House after all of Bush and Cheney's gross mismanagement blowbacks hit the fan and we've got another Great Depression and the Middle East is in flames. Hillary? Obama? McCain? Rep. Clyburn had a good answer. "Me!" However, I myself would like Kucinich or Edwards. Huckabee? No.

Sunday, January 20, 2008
The SC debate, episode 2: Cruising for prostitutes in an evangelical town
Talk about your strange adventures! Last night while I was out walking around Myrtle Beach in the rain and looking for a place to eat, I got mistaken for a prostitute. But it turned out okay because my "John" then took me on a tour of the city -- and told me what the going rates for my services were should I ever decide to take up the world's oldest profession. Plus we passed a lot of churches as we drove around.

Sunday, January 20, 2008
Meeting the House whip & CNN's DC bureau chief: The SC debate, episode 3
Today I got to go onstage with CNN's David Borman and Rep. James Clyburn! But unfortunately for my 15 minutes of fame, the cameras weren't on. But I got to interview Borman and that made me feel just like Mary Tyler Moore! I LOVE being a reporter. And what did Borman have to say? Read on....

Saturday, January 19, 2008
Madam Jane Predicts: There will be a one-person war on the loss of America!
(2 comments) It's wet & rainy in South Carolina where I've come to cover the Dem primary debates & I've just had my latest Iraq embed jerked out right from under my nose. And America is going to Hell in a hand-basket. Yet Madam Jane has nothing to say--other than, "Every single person in American is in grave danger. Watch out, my friend. We are ALL being screwed -- and headed toward an early grave too." MJ, can you please be more specific?

Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Desperate (voting) Housewives: No matter who wins in 2008, women get screwed!
(5 comments) Okay. What are American women voters concerned about most in this election cycle? And will their concerns -- and even their votes -- even count? And if American female voters get screwed once again, will they finally get pissed off? And if they do, will they seek passive-aggressive revenge on those globalized corporate dudes? "Hell hath no fury?" Or not.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Who gave Israel and Pakistan The Bomb? "The Rosenbergs did it!"
(3 comments) When the Soviet Union came up with The Bomb, US prosecuters screamed bloody murder that a traitor had to be involved. Yet when Pakistan and Israel suddenly developed The Bomb, our government said nothing. Why is that? Maybe the Rosenbergs came back from the grave and gave it to Israel and Pakistan?

Monday, January 14, 2008
Campaign 2008: The world's strangest debate -- where only one side gets to speak
(4 comments) Imagine a debate where one side of an issue -- say, NAFTA or Iraq -- is debated in a comfortable auditorium in front of national television yet the other side of the question is debated out in the parking lot. With questions like the future of democracy in America vs. mega- globalization being debated right now, these debates are far too important to leave OUR side out in the cold.

Friday, January 11, 2008
Special "Dorothy Visits the Wizard of Savo!" issue of my housing co-op newsletter
(3 comments) "Raindrops, flooding and mold -- oh my!" Can our management company keep our runaway Board's feet directed firmly upon the Yellow Brick Road to good housing long enough to fix our roofs after this winter's storms or will the Board just continue to smell the poppies and do whatever appears to benefit them? Toto, what do YOU think? "Arf!"

Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Straight Talk: In Baghdad and in New Hampshire, did John McCain lie, exaggerate or just vacillate?
(1 comments) Straight talk from McCain? Not in my experience. But now he has a great chance to "Straight Talk" regarding election fraud. In the NH Republican primary, McCain got only 36% of the Diebold votes but 39% of the hand-counted votes. Hmmmm.... Has the Bush family been hatin' on Senator McCain once again? And if McCain expects to finally secure SC, he'd better demand paper ballots quick!

Monday, January 7, 2008
Shameless plug for decadent Gelato: Try the date-walnut, blackberry Cabernet, triple espresso....
(1 comments) My daughter has a job selling fabulously delicious gelato. Here's the flavor list plus information on playing beer pong and guess what else! I've just been credentialed by CNN to cover the SC Black Caucus presidential debates on January 21 for OpEd News!!!!!

Sunday, January 6, 2008
The Amazing Race (to the buffet table): One reporter's take on the New Hampshire primaries
(1 comments) Freelance journalist Stewart Nusbaumer just sent me some reports on what it's really like in New Hampshire. For instance, which candidate offers the best smorgasbord, which bar one should hang out in to pick up a scoop & which journalists are being left out in the cold? Read on and find out. But only one candidate, in my opinion, is offering America a true healthy choice and not just more moonshine -- Dennis Kucinich.

Friday, January 4, 2008
The Calming Reflex: How to end Bush, Cheney & bin Ladin's temper tantrums
I've been reading baby-advice books a lot lately and did you know that if a baby is swaddled and soothed, it stops having tanturms? Let's swaddle and sooth our world leaders too. For instance we could swaddle Bush and Cheney in San Quentin... And I'm also enclosing the latest episodes of my housing co-op's soap opera -- for those of you who like "reality" shows.

Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Not shopping victoriously: My adventures on eBay while trying to sell my Samurai sword
(3 comments) Here is an account of my not-so-excellent adventures on eBay. Which got me to thinking -- let's put the White House up for sale on eBay too. $5 a bid, you can only bid once for your favorite candidate -- preferredly Dennis Kucinich. Wouldn't that be better than just having it stolen by corporate hacks? Nod your head yes....

Sunday, December 30, 2007
Special "Oops they forgot the Brown Act" issue of my housing co-op newsletter
(2 comments) For those of you who have kept up with the on-going saga of my housing co-op's soap opera, here's yet another installment. Now they have apparently given up on holding Board meetings altogether! Arrgh.

Thursday, December 27, 2007
A post-Christmas report on America and an ode to Baby New Year....
Since my granddaughter was born already smiling, perhaps this bodes well for America in 2008 too -- that we'll finally get rid of all the graft and corruption in DC and start anew. And I need to get back to Iraq but I hate to fly. Maybe I could just take a bus to Chiapas or New Hampshire or South Dakota -- or anywhere else that the neo-cons' grim war on American ideals is being waged.

Monday, December 24, 2007
Where does the Lone Ranger take his garbage? Survivor Puerto Vallarta, Episode 9
During my last days in PV, I wanted to do something meaningful so I went off to the city dump with "Children of the Dump"and toured their outstanding food and education programs there. Then I watched the sunset from the beach, got word that Baby New Year was arriving early and raced the stork back home to Berkeley.

Saturday, December 22, 2007
Just the traditional stuff -- pot and tequila: Survivor Puerto Vallarta, Episode 8
I just gave a talk on Iraq to some PV ex-pats -- an interesting group. "What should the US do to solve that problem?" someone asked. That's easy. Start by throwing Bush and Cheney in jail and go from there. And I also did some more research on PV's drug and alcohol supply.

Monday, December 17, 2007
An eye-witness report from a Marine Lt. Colonel in Iraq: America needs to know this kind of stuff
(9 comments) Here's a letter from Marine Lt.Col JJ Dill in Iraq. Why am I sending this to OpEd News? Because America needs to know about what is happening there, both the good and the bad. Sure, the Marines flattened Fallugah. But they are also doing good stuff as well. And even if everything that Lt. Col Dill writes here are absolute lies - which they are NOT - we still need to know how our military is thinking. This stuff is important.

Sunday, December 16, 2007
I'm down here in Mexico where it's WARM! Survivor Puerto Vallarta, Episode 7
I'm down here trying not to gloat about the balmy 75-degree evenings I'm now enjoying, but it's hard. However, knowing me, I still gotta find something to worry about so even while going without a jacket in sunny Puerto Vallarta, I can still fret about the US economy. "I know that the Great Depression of 2008 is coming but what can I do to prepare?" Aside from hiding out in Mexico where it is WARM!

Sunday, December 16, 2007
The Ghost of the First 9-11 Christmas
(1 comments) She was looking for some kind of evidence that perhaps someone she knew who had been in the World Trade Center on the day it was destroyed might still be alive. She was looking for me. But I wasn't there. I was up in East Harlem - Spanish Harlem - watching a Posada pass by. And as the poor desperate couple was turned away from inn after inn, I knew just how they felt. I felt the same way too. No one wants to let me in either.

Saturday, December 15, 2007
Living in a Third World country? Survivor Puerto Vallarta, Episode 6
I'm down here in Yelapa, Mexico, checking the news -- and there is a LOT of news out there about how the media is being censored, how elections are being rigged, how the economy is slipping away, how torture is being committed, how unemployment is rampant and how the heads of the country are all liars and crooks. And, no, I'm not talking about Mexico. I'm talking about the United States of America!

Wednesday, December 12, 2007
It's the PESO, stupid: Survivor Puerto Vallarta, Episode 5
(4 comments) What makes Americans happy? If it's going to the mall, they had better find something else to make them happy quick! And if Vanity Fair's article on Bush's secret economic time bomb is right, the New York Times has some explaining to do. If Americans had been told all of this by our media before, there's a 50-50 chance that Bush would be LYNCHED by now. And now? Even the peso is in less danger than the dollar.

Monday, December 10, 2007
Down and out in Yelapa, Mexico: Survivor Puerto Vallarta, Episode 4
(1 comments) Now I'm at a small beach town in Mexico, at war with a rooster and writing about Napoleon's secret hemorrhoid cure and how the "war" in Iraq is more like a barroom brawl and meeting a Huichol Indian named Alejandro and...eating pie!

Saturday, December 8, 2007
Don't drink the water! Survivor Puerto Vallarta, Episode 3
Hey, the water in Puerto Vallarta is fine. The beaches are fine. EVERYTHING in Puerto Vallarta is fine! But nothing in Gaza is anywhere NEAR being fine -- especially the water. There's hardly any fuel and they just experienced a sewage tsunami. Let's set the Isreal neo-cons straight and help turn the beaches of Gaza into the new Palistine Riviera!

Friday, December 7, 2007
Better than tequila? Survivor Puerto Vallarta, Episode 2
If you're going to Mexico, you gotta experiment with psychotropic drugs, right? Well, sort of. Here's the story of my half-hearted attempt to gain wisdom from an old Axtec dream guide. "Here is how to help Iraq vets get over their nightmares," he whispered in my ear. "Tell them to start fighting the real war -- the War on Greed. Their real battle is here at home."

Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Survivor Puerto Vallarta, Episode 1: Flying down to the Vallarta Wal-Mart
(2 comments) The Wal-Mart here is HUGE. Has NAFTA been stocking its shelves? And China may not need the US as a customer any more since it appears that Wal-Mart can hand China all the rest of the world as an outlet for its goods. So China may switch to euros and...when the Great Depression of 2008 arrives, remember that houses in Puerto Vallarta are cheap! Plus they've got a Wal-Mart....

Sunday, December 2, 2007
Annapolis and beyond: Bush needs to stop teasing the tigers
Every time you deprive a Palestinian child of an education or an Iraqi child of food, you are creating a tiger, George. Don't tease the tigers! Why? Because someday you too will be behind bars -- and then you too will know how it feels to be teased and tormented. And when -- not if -- this finally happens, all of your weapons and money and power won't be able to save you....

Friday, November 30, 2007
Survivor Puerto Vallarta: I need advice on how to survive 16 days on a beach!
"Life is a competition. The winners are the ones who do the most good deeds." But after all my various attempts to do good deeds -- such as trying to get Bush and Cheney in jail -- and my good-deed-doing adventures in South Africa and Iraq, I'm all worn out. So I bought a plane ticket to Puerto Vallarta for $198. But now what? I could sleep on the beach & eat street-vendor tacos. But WHERE DO I PEE?

Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Tales from behind the counter at the mall: Generation X-Box speaks up!
Much to my surprise, there really are jobs out there for Generation X-Box -- at the mall, where they grew up. And even more surprising is the way that Gen X-Box types apply for these jobs and then quit and then do it all over again, like there was no tomorrow. But as long as you are a babe-magnet and use your glam-cred to sell the merchandise, the retailers don't seem to care!

Sunday, November 25, 2007
Family battles: They're like the Middle East wars in microcosm....
(1 comments) In the Middle East, at least you know who doesn't like you because they are shooting at you. But back at home, who the heck knows which family member is your enemy? I'm totally lost here. Please send me back to Iraq!

Saturday, November 24, 2007
American Gangsta: Selling gold to our mothers & heroin to our kids
(3 comments) I bought a bootleg copy of "American Gangsta" and then decided to do some research into the heroin trade here in America. What did I find out? That children are buying a lot of it on the street because it's so cheap. "No child left behind". Then I researched the price of gold. $100 buys only 1/8 of an ounce. Ouch!

Thursday, November 22, 2007
Special "Why Bother?" issue of my housing co-op newsletter (and why endangering Section 8 is a bad thing)
(1 comments) I came back from Iraq only to find the usual meaningless petty bickering going on at my co-op's Board of Directors' meetings. In the past 20 years they have made such a wreck of this place that HUD is probably considering taking away our Section 8 eligibility. That would be a disaster! PS: Without its excellent Section 8 program, America would start to look like some third-world country overnight. How discouraging.

Thursday, November 22, 2007
Happy Thanksgiving and a photo of Pumpkin Pie taken near Baghdad....
(1 comments) Happy Thanksgiving! I love pumpkin pie. Here's a photo of my favorite thing to be thankful for in these dark times.

Saturday, November 17, 2007
Does Madam Jane predict future disaster?: Call me at 1-800-AFTER-THE-FALL
(1 comments) After reading the lifelines in some Oakland gang members' palms, I realized there WILL be a future for some of them. And also there will be a future for some of the human race as well -- although probably as cavemen when Bush and Cheney get done with us. But always remember this -- Where there's life, there's hope.

Monday, November 12, 2007
Pilgrims' progress?: Do Iraqis feel safe enough to go on Hajj this year?
When I was in Iraq last month, I came up with this brilliant idea for determining a barometer of just how stable the situation in Iraq is by checking out how many people actually felt safe and comfortable enough to attempt to go on Hajj this year. If you were an Iraqi would YOU go on Hajj? Here are the results of a very informal poll.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Iran, Israel, Pakistan, Russia, China, Vermont: Let's just bomb ALL their nuclear plants!
(3 comments) When I was in Iraq, I saw small shoots of hope & positive progress springing up as the Iraqis, with the help of many dedicated & enlightened members of the US military, worked really hard to try to put the pieces of their poor country back into place. And then I came back to America, only to find that the cold clouded atmosphere of "Bomb them back to the Stone Age" still prevails here, & even the Left wants its pound of flesh.

Saturday, November 3, 2007
Just looking for a home: From Baghdad to bag lady....
(2 comments) After I got back from Iraq, I got offered a job as a bag lady in a movie. No one wanted to hear my fresh new insights into how the people of Iraq are putting the tragedy of Shock and Awe behind them and taking their future into their own hands but someone wanted me for something! Now if only Americans would take their futures into their own hands too!

Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Codetalkers: How to win friends & influence people in Iraq....
(1 comments) Instead of spending all that money on weapons, try using your words! Just teach all the US military in Iraq how to speak Arabic. If they can learn to operate a Howitzer, surely they can learn 20 Arabic words a week. And it would really help. Plus here's my last report from Iraq -- and also some suggestions on what to do next.

Thursday, October 25, 2007
Heartbreak Hotel: Let's open up a resort and spa in Al Anbar, Iraq!
(1 comments) Why should Iraqi refugees go all the way to Syria to be safe when they could come to the Anbar Hilton, the Regency Al Asad or the Hit Comfort Inn for half the price. And, like in Las Vegas, they would be located in the desert. Does anyone want to invest?

Thursday, October 25, 2007
Three weeks with the Marines in Iraq? Priceless!
(1 comments) More adventures with Marines, sheiks, Humvees, camels and feasts. Aand considering what a good job they are doing in Anbar, maybe we should ask the Marines to take over Baghdad too!

Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Sweet Home Iraq: In Anbar province, I met the governor...
Western Iraq used to be most concerned about security. Now they are starting to worry about water treatment instead. This is a good sign. And I got to ride in a Seven-Ton.

Sunday, October 21, 2007
In Iraq, "The war is over if you want it."
(5 comments) The insurgents here seem hell-bent on losing hearts & minds while the US Marines are trying to be the good guys & corrupt officials here act like sharks & Iran, Saudi, etc. drool over Iraq's corpse & American media think it's still a "war" over here but it's not. Iraq is now only some poor country in need of aid after having been hit by the Bush tsunami.

Saturday, October 20, 2007
Iraq's Anbar Province: The World's Next Top Model?
(2 comments) Things are going really well here in Anbar. But will it become the model for how things are done worldwide? Nah. Too much money spent on jobs, infrastructure, education and healthcare and not enough money spent on weapons and roads.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Eye witness report: Marines drop acid in western Iraq!
(1 comments) I finally got out of the Green Zone. So. What is it like out there? Here's the 411 on military travel, a grunt's life in Iraq and stuff like that.

Sunday, October 14, 2007
The Iraqi Book of the Dead
(1 comments) What is everyone talking about in Baghdad? Death. In Iraq, death is the ultimate problem-solver. Death runs the government here. Death is even represented on the UN Security Council. Death is a member of the G8.

Saturday, October 13, 2007
Battle fatigue: Me and Oprah in the Green Zone
(1 comments) I'm stuck in the Green Zone again! But not to worry -- Oprah is here to give me good advice. Or least her magazine is. That article entitled "5 Ways to Derail Rage" is really helping me out!

Friday, October 12, 2007
Bush leagues: How GWB lost the World Series to Iran
(3 comments) Why is America allowing Bush to play in the Big Leagues? He struck out on 9-11, in Afghanistan and Iraq -- and now he's swinging wildly at Iran. IRAN? We used to play top teams like Russia and China. Now we're up against second stringers because Bush keeps striking out. GWB needs to be put on the bench.

Thursday, October 11, 2007
Final Jeopardy: And the correct answer is "What is Al-Qaeda in Iraq?"
(1 comments) Al-Qaeda is composed of foreign-led Iraqi Islamic fundamentalist insurgents with access to deep pockets who use threats to keep their area under control. People here are afraid of them because they have power & money & if you disagree, they tend to steal your car, kidnap your children & chop off your head. Because of this behavior, Iraqis are turning away from then. Americans have actually become the lesser of two evils!

Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Running for President in Iraq: Which candidate will win the grunts' vote?
(16 comments) Our troops in Iraq should be VERY interested in who is running for Prez -- and who is going to have control over their fate. Here's a report on my straw vote taken in Kuwait while waiting to fly out to Baghdad on a troop transport and while waiting in line at a dining facility once we arrived.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Better than the Hilton?: US detention centers in Iraq
(1 comments) You will be pleased to know that the new detainee program in Iraq is excellent -- better than the US jails by far! And lots of broad transparency and public accountability. Now if they would only have that much broad transparency and public accountability at Guantanamo!

Monday, October 8, 2007
Gossip Girl in Kuwait: Is IRAQ going to be Bush's next Ground Zero?
(2 comments) I'm in Kuwait, on my way to Iraq. And this place is TEEMING with hot gossip about Bush, Cheney, Blackwater and Rush. "Gossip Girl here...."

Friday, October 5, 2007
Joe T, they've gone and cancelled POPCORN!!!
Good grief! Is nothing sacred? Now they've gone and eliminted POPCORN! At the rate that "Conservatives" are conserving America, there's gonna be nothing left of us in less than a decade. AT&T should be ashamed of themselves.

Thursday, October 4, 2007
Why Bishop Tutu would be an excellent resource to help Israeli neo-cons get out of a tight corner
Both Americans and Isrealis should be taking notes on everything this man says instead of fawning all over the likes of "phony soldiers" like Cheney, Bush and Ehud Olmert. But, sadly, such is not the case. If people REALLY wanted to support Israel, Bishop Tutu would be the very best man to have in their corner!

Thursday, October 4, 2007
Ramadan for dummies: How to survive without food until sunset
(1 comments) Sometimes one needs a little encouragement during Ramadan. Here it is: Fasting for Ramadan will make you a better person. Still having trouble? Do it with a buddy. And it also helps if you live in Manhattan and the sun rises over the Empire State Building a little bit later than elsewhere.

Sunday, September 30, 2007
Farewell to Africa, good morning Iraq!
I'm going back to Iraq in October but this time with a difference -- according to a woman speaking in tongues in Africa, I've now got God on my side! Bush and Cheney need to stop their unholy killing spree, go off to Africa and get God on their side too. Endless war? That's ungodly. And God don't like ugly.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Alcoholism in Africa: You know it's a problem here when even I start looking good!
(1 comments) Village life in Africa surprised me in a whole lot of ways. For example, I didn't mind the absence of running water, everyone here watches "Generations" on TV every night and there is a major drinking problem among the unemployed men. I wonder if they would they consider starting up a branch of AA?

Tuesday, September 18, 2007
My Pet Goat: Please help me organize national "Every Baby Gets a Bedtime Story" week!
(2 comments) The flower of one whole generation of American youth has been murdered, crippled, maimed and/or taught to become heartless killers by men whose hearts are filled only with hatred and greed. If only Cheney and Bush had spent their time reading instead. Shame on you, Barbara Bush! You shoulda read more bedtime stories to young Georgie! "My Pet Goat" would have been a good start.

Sunday, September 16, 2007
Lucas Mangope: One of South Africa's living legends
Last week I discovered that I lived only a half-mile away from one of the most important men in recent South African history this side of Nelson Mandela! Here's the whole story -- both the good and the bad. How will history judge Lucas Mangope? I bet it will be a lot kinder toward him than it will be toward G.W. Bush!

Tuesday, September 11, 2007
How I spent September 11: Getting tested for Alzheimers....
(1 comments) Would you like to know how it feels to be tested for Alzheimers? Follow my journey, step by step. And guess what? I can now PROVE beyond a doubt that I am completely and totally sane. Now the rest of America needs to stop acting crazy and throw Bush and Cheney in the looney bin!

Sunday, September 9, 2007
Africa: The world's largest refugee camp -- with a little help from the G-20...
The G-8 has been raping Africa for a long, long time. But now they are sharing the wealth with their younger siblings, the G-20, which meets in South Africa in November. From Darfur to Zimbabwe, Africa has become just one big refugee camp -- and you know that conditions are bad when people are actually leaving there for the better conditions in Iraq!

Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Up the Bucs: Visiting South Africa's Soweto -- the southwest townships, then & now
Come on a tour of Soweto with me -- and perhaps you can learn as much about the days of Apartheid as I did. Sorry I forgot to bring my camera.

Thursday, August 30, 2007
Touring an African jail: I found an empty cell here for George Bush!
(1 comments) If Congress can't find enough jail cells to house Bush and Cheney in America, I've found the perfect accomodations for them here. "Oh say does that star-spangled banner yet wave, o'er the land of the free?" Nope.

Thursday, August 23, 2007
Have remote, will travel: Imagine never having to see Bush & Iraq on TV again!
You have NO idea what a relief it is not to have to see GWB's face on the tube every night and not have to listen to neo-con bull-dookie about Iraq on the news every night too. I didn't either until my friend wrote me from Sweden. "What impressed me most here is that we don't have to keep watching all those gruesome images of Bush's disastrous war on Iraq every night."

Tuesday, August 21, 2007
The Darfur Diaspora: Floating like driftwood throughout all of Africa...
(2 comments) Darfur is yet another "Closed Military Zone" -- meaning that genocide can go on unobserved by us Pulitzer-Prize-seeking journalists. But we can still interview the refugees from Darfur, of which there are a lot of in Africa.

Saturday, August 18, 2007
Where's the beef: How I almost ate a whole cow...and am now at the dentist
When the neighbors slaughtered a cow last Saturday, I was THERE! After living on toast and eggs for two weeks in a small African village, all I wanted to know was, "Where's the beef!"

Saturday, August 11, 2007
Truth & Reconciliation: The Israeli neo-cons need to 'fess up!
(2 comments) If you were an member of the South african Defense Force and told the truth about your crimes against humanity, you got absolved. Wouldn't you love to see the Israeli neo-cons finally tell the truth about thier Apartheid policies too?

Saturday, August 11, 2007
The Sun Also Rises: News from sub-Saharan Africa
In sub-Saharan Africa, I've been told that the only difference between the President {sic] of America and the President of Zimbabwe is that Bush has more money to pay for spilling blood -- but they are both crazy!

Thursday, July 19, 2007
THE WAR ON TRUTH: Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About the Invasion of Iraq but Your Government Wouldn't Tell You
I was trying to give up blogging forever in complete frustration with Bush STILL not being in jail when this nice Scotsman asked me to write a blurb on his book. How can you turn down a Scotsman? Especially when this is a really good book

Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Four more years!: Jeb Bush's new biography -- entitled "The Next Bush"
(2 comments) I was at the Oakland airport yesterday, waiting for a plane to take me off to an AIDS training course, when I saw a book that scared the [bodily waste] out of me! There it was. On the top shelf of Hudson News. In hard-cover yet. "The Next Bush". Poor Rudy G, being led down the garden path to thinking he was the one who got to steal the next election? Not when there's still Melvin and Laura and....

Sunday, July 15, 2007
How I survived my 65th birthday: Dinner at Chez Panisse!
(3 comments) To soften the blow of me turning 65, my family and I went to Chez Panisse for a special gourmet meal -- and the salad came with a surprise guest. But when the ambulance arrived at the end of the meal, we just shrugged. "Food to die for!"

Saturday, July 14, 2007
Blind: Watching the Israel-Palestine eye-for-an-eye tragedy unfold
(3 comments) Israelis and Palestinians have clearly demonstrated for all the world to see -- and David Pratt's new book has recorded it -- what happens when violence, revenge and retribution guides one's policies. Everyone loses. There are no winners in this terrible game -- only survivors with no vision.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007
America's Player: Has HUD just become a houseguest on Big Brother (Section) 8?
(1 comments) Big Brother's new TV season features "America's Player" -- where America tells someone in the BB house what to do. We used to have someone like that in the White House, but not any more. Now Bush is too busy trying to drown HUD in the bathtub to focus on what us mere taxpayers want. And without HUD subsidies keeping up the illusion that America is actually being housed, we'll soon start to look like a hobo jungle again.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Drowning government in the bathtub, part one: Who killed off the National Guard?
(19 comments) There is no mystery about what will happen if we have a "national emergency" and Bush declares martial law. No one will be able defend us and the culprit will get clean away because there would have been only two groups stopping him -- the lower echelons of the military (who think Bush is a joke) and our National Guard. Fortunately for Bush and Cheney, however, both of these are safely out of the way, off in Iraq.

Wednesday, July 4, 2007
The Bachelor--Baghdad: Why 12 determined women want to marry this man!
Imagine 12 gorgeous intelligent ladies all looking for love. But then the camera zooms in on The Bachelor. Yuck! The guy has pimples, is a nerd & is missing half an ear & left foot! That's the best they can do? Yeah. Apparently all the really hunky Middle Eastern guys have already been blown up, beheaded or shot -- but still the ladies of Baghdad are DESPERATE to find a man. ANY man. "Casting was a bitch!"

Sunday, July 1, 2007
There goes the neighborhood: Is the White House bringing property values down in DC?
Pennsylvania Avenue used to be such an upscale place to live. Don't you just hate it when someone moves onto your block, lets his home go to seed & brings all the other property values down? Now you gotta start locking your doors before your stuff gets stolen, watching out for your kids & spending all your time worrying that the neighbors down the street might be selling them drugs, recruiting them into gangs or even worse....

Friday, June 29, 2007
Nuclear power: Will the last one to leave please turn out the lights...
(1 comments) If one has cancer or AIDS, how does one find out about it before it is too late to treat? And if our planet has been infected with the cancer of thousands of tons of radioactive waste invading it, how will we know about that infection either -- until it is too late? Either we stop the production of radioactive waste now or will the last one left on Earth have to turn out the lights....

Monday, June 25, 2007
Location location location: Has Gitmo just bought a new home in Kabul? Yeah.
(1 comments) Rumor has it that Bush has his real estate ladies out buying property in suburban Kabul to house his "New Guantanamo". Interesting. And it's right next to Pul-i-Charkhi, Afghanistan's own Abi Ghraib. Location is everything, George! PS I'm still not being embedded in Iraq but they are letting Oliver freaking NORTH embed with no problem. Guess one has to sell arms to the enemy to get an embed these days. Sigh.

Monday, June 25, 2007
My latest housing co-op newsletter: The special "Pirates of Savo Island" issue
(2 comments) For those of you who have been following the soap opera that revolves around my housing co-op, here's another installment -- wherein I get to talk like a pirate!

Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Dishing the dirt at my housing co-op: The special "I Want Revenge" issue of my newsletter
(3 comments) Good grief! The Board of Directors at my housing co-op is at it again! Only this time they are going after my daughter. But I gotta be grateful to this bunch -- they taught me how to deal with people like Cheney and Bush. So. What is Savo Island up to this time? I'm more than willing to spill.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007
"Expect the Best": My new mantra -- which also involves sushi & chocolate
Raised in a Republican town, I learned early on to always expect the worst. But now I'm trying to learn to expect the best instead. How's it going? Well, maybe I can expect America to finally wise up and throw Bush in jail? Or maybe not. But my daughter's new job at a small-but-wonderful Berkeley "Gourmet Ghetto" food court is DEFINITELY THE BEST!

Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Illegal Aliens: NAFTA, Bush's Middle East blunders & the great migrations in the EU & here
(2 comments) Just like birds fly south for the winter, illegal aliens migrate to Europe and America from Mexico and the Middle East when it gets too hot for them in their own countries. What to do? If we get rid of both NAFTA and George Bush, then people who WANT to stay in their own countries can do so without risking starving to death or getting blown up.

Sunday, June 17, 2007
The American military: Are they Bush's flying monkeys -- or not?
(2 comments) It's time for America's military to stop acting like flying monkeys, carrying out GWB's every undiciplined whim. Kansas needs them more than Iraq does! Just say, "There's no place like home..." And in the meantime, I plan to throw water on the Wicked Witch of The White House in the form of a lawsuit because the State Dept. is systematically denying me freedom of the press, allegedly in order to protect GWB's [arse].

Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Rule of Law In Iraq: My address to the Berkeley-Albany Bar Association
Despite all the bad lawyer jokes, it is the Rule of Law that holds a country together. And when that breaks down, all Hell breaks loose. And BushCo deliberately eliminated most aspects of the Rule of Law in Iraq....

Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Sinking to their level: Bush's flea-bitten mafia is dragging America down -- and me too!
(1 comments) If Americans start to follow the Bush example, pretty soon we'll be lying to everyone, committing murder and stealing little kids' lunch money too! We need to follow Bobby Kennedy's example and put those White House mafia wannabes in jail for tax evasion -- if nothing else.

Sunday, June 10, 2007
Flowers in the Attic: GWB's blatant abuse of America's military & why it continues...
(2 comments) Like an abused child, the American military clings to its abuser despite all the terrible treatment it continually receives from Bush and Cheney. Any normal American would stop child abuse but no one is speaking out to save our troops from being stretched beyond endurance. But wait! Now someone IS speaking up for our troops! Who could it be? Paris Hilton! You just go, girl!

Saturday, June 9, 2007
Pirate Masters: "Mates, there's treasure to be had in that Iran war!" Har har har...
(1 comments) Have Cap'n Cheney and his scurvy parrot Dubya been plotting the Iran expedition just so they can score more pirate booty? Yar, mateys! It's time to throw these two pirate masters into the brig, cut them adrift and give them the dread Black Spot before they can bury OUR treasure somewhere in the Cayman Islands! Don't you just hate getting robbed by pirates?

Wednesday, June 6, 2007
Catching up on hot gossip: Friends & lunch & 1 bath a week in Australia
At lunch yesterday, six of us who used to work together in a law office went out for lunch in order to catch up on each others' lives. We were joined by a friend of one of us survivors from past legal wars. She had just gotten back from drought-ridden Australia and what she told us made us all...thirsty! "No one is even allowed to wash dishes in one small town in Australia. They all use paper plates," she said.

Tuesday, June 5, 2007
The National Security Presidential Directive: Now we're just one hurricane away from a dictatorship!
(1 comments) I'm getting tired of "viewing with alarm" all the tricks BushCo is constantly up to. When do I finally get to "point with pride"? At the failed education system, the Iraq debacle, oil prices, the new Presidential Directive, the lack of Freedom of the Press? No. But how about pointing with pride at America when it throws Bush & Cheney in jail for corrpution and hurting our troops? Works for me.

Sunday, June 3, 2007
Day 3, 2007 Book Expo: Partying with librarians & Liberians & Plame....
I'm scheduled to meet Rob Kall here today. But in the meantime, I got the lowdown on Valerie Plame's speech here and partied with a bunch of librarians and heard about the 64-year-old grandmother who is trying to reform the corruption in Liberia. And