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San Francisco based columnist, author, gym rat and novelist. My book, "The Confessions of a Catnip Junkie" is the best memoir ever written by a cat. Available on Amazon.com, or wherever fine literature is sold with no sales tax collected.
For those seeking more detail on yours truly, the following is from my website, allangoldstein.com, where you can partake copiously, and for free.
"Allan Goldstein lives in San Francisco with his wife, Jordan, and a minimum of two cats. His op-ed newspaper column,"Caught off Base," has appeared in San Francisco's West Portal Monthly for the past decade. Satire, invective and humor are specialties.
He also blogs regularly on opednews.com and on hypocrisy.com under the pseudonym Snark Twain. Other work has appeared in Spitball, The Baseball Literary Review, The Potomac Review, and several magazines including Rock and Gem and Pilot's Preflight. He is currently at work on his third novel."
Wednesday, January 11, 2012 Welcome to the big leagues, Mitt (2 comments)
If you think the GOP is disenchanted with Willard "Mitt" Romney now, wait until Obama gets done with him.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011 Helping Santa with The List (1 comments)
Naughty or Nice, Santa knows JUST what you need!
Thursday, November 3, 2011 Occupy Wall Street In The Spotlight (2 comments)
The true source of the occupy movement's terrible, awesome power. And how to keep it strong.
Monday, September 5, 2011 Teaching History to a Digital Generation (6 comments)
The digital generation has historical amnesia. But whose fault is that? Look in the mirror, my grizzled veteran friends.
Thursday, August 4, 2011 The Debt Strike Pledge (4 comments)
Default was a bluff and our so-called leaders folded. The enemies of the people won.
Next time we should call that bluff and make them feel the pain. A call for a general strike on debt.
Friday, July 8, 2011 Playing Pretend in Pakistan (3 comments)
Predators, Pakistan, and implausible deniability
Tuesday, June 28, 2011 Selling the Revolution (6 comments)
A sales seminar for progressives. Because the future doesn't make itself.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011 Fade to Black: Movies going nowhere (3 comments)
Some call it art. I call it trendiness. Of a particularly obnoxious kind.
Thursday, May 26, 2011 The Poisoned Chalice (5 comments)
Where do these strange Republican candidates come from? What got them here? And where did they go?
Tuesday, April 19, 2011 Breaking up with Obama? (11 comments)
It's not your fault, it's mine. No, really. I'm not just saying that. I'm a progressive, and I blew it.
Friday, March 25, 2011 Libya, Leadership and Lives (6 comments)
Getting it right in Libya. When everyone is against you, except the people you are helping, you are probably doing it right.
Thursday, January 27, 2011 Everyone is born a Socialist (38 comments)
The conservatives have it wrong. The philosophical roots of the progressive project are born inside us.
Monday, January 10, 2011 A New Year's Apology from an Incurable Writer (5 comments)
Why do we write? And to whom? Dangerous questions that cry out for answers in these perilous times.
Thursday, December 23, 2010 Which Side Are You On? (2 comments)
We have to choose, and the American people have to choose, whether they like it or not.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010 WikiLeaks Attacks Heaven (2 comments)
The secret files of Heaven exposed!
Wednesday, November 10, 2010 San Francisco: The Beautiful Bubble (2 comments)
A love letter to my city, the San Francisco Giants and Giants fans everywhere.
Friday, October 22, 2010 The Counterrevolutionary Delusion (18 comments)
What the rise of the right is really about. Counterrevolution as social pathology.
Thursday, September 23, 2010 Where is the progressive Tea Party? (22 comments)
There is no progressive movement in
America, just progressives.
Why can't we get it together?
Where is the progressive Tea Party?
Tuesday, September 7, 2010 A Walk on the Bright Side (9 comments)
What is there to feel good about in our season of discontent? More than you think.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010 A message from God: You're Fired (8 comments)
From the Desk of The Lord:
I hereby terminate all spokespersons, authorities, publicists and uniformed clergy from my employ. They are all fired, they no longer speak for me. The merciful and righteous among them may continue in my good graces, but their pronouncements and edicts are strictly their own. I will no longer be responsible for obligations taken on my behalf by them, in any case whatsoever.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010 Lazy-Americans: The Last Despised Minority (7 comments)
Laziness is the ultimate sin. And I'm the ultimate sinner. But I'm not alone, not by a long shot.
When we wish one another a good day, we say "take it easy." If you want to wish someone a bad day, say the opposite. You'll lose a friend, but how virtuous of you!
Monday, July 19, 2010 An Open Letter to the Tea Partiers (12 comments)
The Tea Partiers are not going away, no matter how fervently we wish they would. Screaming at them does as much good as their screaming at us.
I offer this with civility, from one American to another, in the sincere hope that it will help.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010 What do we lose if we "lose" in Afghanistan? (27 comments)
Everybody here agrees, we should get out of Afghanistan. But not everyone faces the facts: If we do that, we lose.
What happens when we lose in Afghanistan? When is harsh military power justified? And when is it not? And how do we know the difference?
A few rules of thumb.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010 The BP oil conspiracy: Coming Attractions! (8 comments)
What really happened in the Gulf is far worse than your worst nightmares. But some courageous souls specialize in nightmares, and here's what they're dreaming up, right now.
Saturday, June 12, 2010 Government by obscenely rich amateurs (5 comments)
Is it not too late to save democracy from the great money deluge? Or are we doomed to be (mis)governed by dismissed CEO's forever?
Friday, May 28, 2010 The Hidden, Cosmic Message in Avatar and District 9 (2 comments)
What Avatar and District 9 share, other than a general hatred of humanity, and a general love of Technicolor aliens. A secret message for mankind, courtesy the Na'vi and Prawns.
Sunday, May 16, 2010 BP takes a leak on America (3 comments)
A love letter to BP. They really need a hug right now, and I'm just the guy to give it to them.
Friday, April 30, 2010 On the dire necessity of optimism (2 comments)
Optimism is the missing ingredient in much progressive thinking. If we don't change that, we fail.
Sunday, April 18, 2010 You Want to be a Writer? Here's Some Advice. (21 comments)
Invaluable advice for the word-lorn. The secrets of successful writing revealed! From one who learned the hard way and only wants to "give back."
Thursday, April 1, 2010 All the important debates are inside the Democratic party. (2 comments)
The right has forfeited. The serious political questions of the day are being debated in one party only. From the center to the left, all the arguments, all the work of governing is happening inside the Democratic party. And here's why.
Sunday, March 21, 2010 The Right to get High (14 comments)
Drug prohibition is a disaster. I propose this 28th amendment to the Constitution. "A well-regulated mood being necessary to the pursuit of happiness,
Congress shall make no law abridging the right of the people to get
high."
Thursday, February 4, 2010 The Republican Playbook: Uncensored (2 comments)
In a caper worthy of the great James O'Keefe, of Mary Landrieu break-in fame, your author has purloined a top secret copy of The Republican Playbook.
Or, the Heathen's Guide to Total Opposition.
Friday, January 15, 2010 Sirens for Haiti (1 comments)
Thinking of Haiti, 7000 miles away, in stormy San Francisco. The night of.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010 The Vigorish is Too High (1 comments)
The Masters of Money are destroying our economy. Their cut is too big, there's not enough left for the rest of us. The vigorish is too high.
Saturday, December 12, 2009 A Very Meh-ry Year (1 comments)
Some reflections, as 2009, real and virtual, stumbles to an end. Caution: Some serious snark inside.
Saturday, December 5, 2009 It's Not a Surge, it's Chemotherapy (4 comments)
What Obama was really saying in West Point. If you can get past your "he's killing babies!" outrage (like Afghanistan and Pakistan under the Taliban will be Candyland for women and children)you might hear what he was saying to you, and the world.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009 I Could be Even More Thankful
A short, satirical to-do list for the holiday season. Go ahead, it's okay. You can laugh and still get to heaven one fine day. It might even help.
Sunday, November 15, 2009 Nadal Hasan and the Vices and Virtues of Political Correctness. (3 comments)
A little love for the unloved virtues of political correctness. How they can help us mitigate the consequences of Nadal Hasan's attack, if properly used. And how they can blind us to the naked truth, if not.
Sunday, October 25, 2009 How to Get Out of Afghanistan (1 comments)
Never let a good crisis go to waste. A crisis is coming in Afghanistan. And a chance to get out, if we don't waste it.
Saturday, October 17, 2009 Roughing the Rusher
Rush Limbaugh takes one for the team.
Saturday, October 10, 2009 Who Roots for America?
The revolution we started in 1776 needn't end in failure. America is still a place we can make, if we root for it. But who roots for America anymore?
Tuesday, September 29, 2009 No, You Can't (3 comments)
The world is breaking. Chaos beckons, and Barack Obama, the man who gave us hope when he said "Yes, we can," now needs to speak a new phrase. He may have to say it to our generals, he may have to say it to Ahmadinejad, he may have to say it to us. "No, you can't."
Monday, September 14, 2009 The Magical Power of Sports
Myth, memory, sports, cynicism and the Great Boston Molasses Disaster
Sunday, September 6, 2009 Calling all Commies: We Need You! (1 comments)
Rx. A prescription for progress. Take two communism tablets and call me in the morning.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009 Ted Kennedy: The Last of His Kind
Of "compounds," class traitors, public servants and the death of an era.
Thursday, August 20, 2009 You blame Obama, I blame You (12 comments)
"Let's Blame Obama": How progressive passivity fails the future and hands it to the forces of reaction.
You can blame the president, or you can try getting off the couch and doing something.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009 The Government Conspiracy Agency: Annual Report (5 comments)
Leaked document tells all! Finally, the truth about all the lies our government has been feeding us!
Thursday, August 6, 2009 Republican Autoerotic Asphyxiation (28 comments)
The sad, slow suicide of a once-great American Party. And why we need not fear it.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009 The Real Truth Behind Gates-gate
What really counted in the Henry Gates affair wasn't his race. It was his celebrity.
Monday, July 20, 2009 Cover Everybody (11 comments)
There is only one moral imperative that must be obeyed in health care reform. Cover everybody. Every single American. And do it now.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009 Satirists on Strike! (1 comments)
The vicissitudes of satire & political commentary.
Thursday, June 18, 2009 The Pragdealist Alternative: A Declaration of Independence (2 comments)
Move over, Liberals and Conservatives. Make room. There is a new player at the table and he's going to change the game. Meet the Pragdealist.
Saturday, June 6, 2009 We Are All Libertarians, Even Dick Cheney
We need rights to protect us from others and laws to protect others from us. An article in which Dick Cheney appears as a good guy, despite himself.
Sunday, May 24, 2009 Much ado about everything (3 comments)
The secret news they don't want you to hear, revealed, manufactured and deconstructed!
Thursday, May 7, 2009 Swine Flu Hate Speech (1 comments)
Out of the sty and into the streets!
The Porcine International Goodwill Society, or P.I.G.S, demands an end to the hateful hate speech of a hateful humanity!
Tuesday, April 28, 2009 The Great Obama Rebranding: Part two (7 comments)
How Barack Obama is repairing the tattered American brand and how it got broken in the first place.
Hint: Neither extreme is going to like it.
Friday, April 17, 2009 The Great Obama Rebranding: Part one
Tea Parties, The Conservative Follies, and a HUGE repair job for the American Brand.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009 Good Things in Bad Times
Hope, Baseball and the bittersweet lessons of the season. All is not lost because much of what we lost we needed to lose. But will we find the right things?
Saturday, March 21, 2009 Dick Cheney was Absolutely Right, and Other News (6 comments)
A stalwart defense of our ex-VP, the House of Saud, and Ann Coulter, proving that March Madness is not confined to the basketball court.
Friday, March 6, 2009 The Crash, the Panic, the Depression. (5 comments)
The panic of 2008, the depression of 2009-? An historical, not to say hysterical, analysis of previous economic catastrophes going back to 1819. And why Obama needs to keep his powder dry and coffers full if we are going to survive this one.
Friday, February 27, 2009 Mostly, We are Idiots. So How Did We Elect a Genius? (45 comments)
A snotty rant against the blogosphere, followed by a cheerful gush about America.
Warning! Contains objectionable opinion about online morons, from which the author does not exclude himself.
Thursday, February 19, 2009 Geert Wilder and the Swat Valley Follies: Tolerance or Cowardice?
Tolerance is a virtue. Cowardice isn't. We are using the former as an excuse for the latter. As our gutless reaction to recent events in the Swat Vally of Pakistan and the British parliament sadly proves.
