For years I thought you were a jerk. Okay, you had a few hot pictures on the Internet -please don't click here and link onto this site - but you always remained to me, one of those, "yeah, just wait until she opens her mouth" turnoffs.
TThat is until this week.
That's when, on the Today Show and later on Hannity & Colmes, in reference to the Eliot Spitzer dalliances, you blamed wives for their husbands' behavior, saying that the wives of "most men who cheat" "haven't been respecting" their husbands.
Thank you, Doctor. Finally. Someone has had the guts to step up and defend why married guys like to have sex with hookers or anyone else who they're not married to.
While falling for you is a little like falling for Ann Coulter - except without the Nazi paraphernalia - I find it difficult to get you out of my mind. Your words not only rid me of my years of guilt that it was I who was doing something wrong, but now I can actually place the blame on the very person who used to read me the riot act every time I came home at four in the morning reeking of a stranger; a stranger who after finishing three minutes of wet, hot love, I could barely remember her made-up name.
Your words ring in my mind like the words of Howie Dansky, my best friend in six grade, when he told me the new Sears Catalog had just been delivered.
"When the wife does not focus in on the needs and the feelings, sexually, personally, to make him feel like a man ... he's very susceptible to the charm of some other woman making him feel what he needs. And these days, women don't spend a lot of time thinking about how they can give their men what they need."
I couldn't have said it better. I tried, but my wife wouldn't buy it from me. But from Dr. Laura, a conservative yet, wow, I'll be able to plug anything that walks. This time when my wife tries to shove the guilt down my throat, I'll be ready.
"My fault?! What are you nuts?! You're the one hasn't been respecting me. What was I supposed to do? Not have sex with a stranger? Then I'd just be disrespecting myself. I bet you'd like that."
So, what do you say, Doctor? Yesterday I'm pretty sure my wife wasn't thinking about what I need. Are you available tonight? Afterwards maybe you can come back to my house with me.
I can't wait until my wife hears that I'm not a scum bag.
Award-winning television writer and author of Great Failures of the Extremely Successful", (www.greatfailure.com), Steve Young's "All The News That's Fit To Spoof" appears in L.A. Daily News opeds every Sunday(www.dailynews.com/columnists) on the same page as O'Reilly's...really.
www.greatfailure.com
A talk show host, author, columnist,award-winning television writer and filmmaker, his inspiring book, "Great Failures of the Extremely Successful" (Tallfellow Press) has been published internationally and has become required reading in the Wharton School of Business Masters Program. His "All The News That's Fit To Spoof " column appears every Sunday on the L.A. Daily News Oped Page.
Steve has appeared all over national TV and radio with his unique brand of satirical punditry and social observations appearing in national periodicals from the Los Angeles Times and The New York Times, to his own weekly Internet column "The Lords Of Loud," at AlbionMonitor.net and The Huffington Post.
I have a little contest with my email friends I always let them know who gave me the first laugh of the day.. You Win. Seems OP-ED was the first email I opened today. Who would have expected with all the worrisome news I would get my first chuckle right here.
Thanks
by
Pat Dazis (1 articles, 0 quicklinks, 0 diaries, 23 comments)
on Friday, March 14, 2008 at 11:47:12 AM
Sorry, but for many men and their wives or lovers, erotica and love seem to fade if it is not kept high on the list of priorities. However, the Perennial "Headache" is not the only problem. Often there are medical problems which keep people from having the urge.
Prostitution is one answer, polygamy is another and better answer for many.
In John 4:4-42 Jesus shows his empathy for the Samaritan woman who had 5 husbands and was living with a man-in an unmarried state, when outs to her his knowledge of her prolific sexual history and then in a surprise to all, and to the dismay of the Fundamentalists, he neither condemns her, nor tells her to "go and sin no more," he simply changes the subject to the clinically different methods of worship of the Jews and Samaritans, ala Josia, which have nothing to do with sex and then he uses her as an apostle to rally the entire town to him. He, whether God or mere prophet, understood completely the problems in marriage and the mitigating circumstances which lead to infidelity.
It may be of interest that Neither God, His Prophets or Jesus ever condemned polygamy, which is the natural state of most animals including man. It became, for most a financial problem and for others a problem of envy against those who could attract many wives. For women it was a selfish envy. Polygamy as a choice eliminates many of the criminal and drug aftermath's of divorce in children because in it, the children are raised by remaining wives and are not latchkey orphans.
Humans disposed of the solution to sexual deprivation.
In the various studies done, in Polygamous relationships in which wives were faithful there were NO STD's. In polyandry relationships there were many STD's; some cancer causing among the women. Having a brain which focuses on envy and jealousy is humankind's downfall.
by
Professor Emeritus Peter Bagnolo (144 articles, 1 quicklinks, 95 diaries, 1311 comments)
on Friday, March 14, 2008 at 12:02:58 PM
See what LARGE letters thou hast written unto me. Thou art clogging up thy blogoshere. Now we lay-persons, no pun intended, cant even afford one old lady, much less two. I would rather share a woman with some other dude and we each could buy her 25 pairs of shoes and not have to foot the bill for fifty. The elite have harems, and harems are not a western tradition. If You can afford it go for it,but remember the fate of Solomon.
by
john riggs (0 articles, 0 quicklinks, 0 diaries, 441 comments)
on Friday, March 14, 2008 at 1:04:56 PM
Since I'm on my second marriage, I can say this with total confidence. I find trying to keep up with one at a time is trouble enough. However, those who can should. They are far better men than I!
by
Kenneth Barr (8 articles, 0 quicklinks, 0 diaries, 83 comments)
on Friday, March 14, 2008 at 3:20:34 PM
I think that anyone who even thinks of cheating on his or her partner should be executed on the spot. The body severed in twain and the bowels removed and burned. Sexual intercourse should only be practiced by married couples seeking to reproduce any other case should be prosecuted.
by
Gary Denson (2 articles, 0 quicklinks, 1 diaries, 262 comments)
on Friday, March 14, 2008 at 5:29:40 PM
Pliny the younger reincarnated. Dont ask him what he would do to gays or pedophiles, I want to sleep tonight without nightmares. Definitely not the compassionate conservative type. Maybe he just got back from Abu Graib.
by
john riggs (0 articles, 0 quicklinks, 0 diaries, 441 comments)
on Friday, March 14, 2008 at 9:06:11 PM
is about an addiction, which anyone could end by using their will.
Anyway, addicts make horrendous decisions based on the power the addicton has over them. Governor's decide that the sex with a hooker is way more important than stuff we might deem important.
Both men and women cheat on each other for whatever their reasons are. If you treat your partner poorly, I must assume, you are risking your partner seeking love and support elsewhere.
It does not seem to be that complicated a matter to me. I am divorced and it has worked out just fine. I can't imagine paying for sex with someone who has sex with lots of other people, talk about hygeine disasters!
I guess Spitzer can't imagine having sex for free with someone who doesn't have sex with anyone else (his wife?).
I fail to see why this is a guy thing. I know plenty of women who treat their husbands/boyfriends like sh%$ and cheat on them. What's the big deal?This all adds up to job security for Dr. Laura. Conservative shrinks have to eat too.
by
tom storey (3 articles, 0 quicklinks, 2 diaries, 58 comments)
on Friday, March 14, 2008 at 5:40:01 PM
The question is not why some men use hookers. The real question is why so many men do not. I suspect it is because they are cheap, or cowardly or they are content to masturbate. I am all three.
by
John Hanks (1 articles, 0 quicklinks, 0 diaries, 1409 comments)
on Saturday, March 15, 2008 at 10:52:32 AM
14 comments
How would you rate this?
You must be logged in (if signed up) to do ratings.
It's free to signup! And easy. And takes just a minute or two....