"I just couldn't get Harry (D-Nev) to budge this morning," said Senator Reid's mom. "He was so tired he didn't even brush his teeth before he went to bed."
Dear Diary,
Wow. Last night was so-o-o awesome. You know how we wanted to force a vote to withdraw troops from Iraq. Well Harry (D-Nev) got all of us to pull an all-nighter to debate the Iraq war.
A lot of the other girls thought the whole thing was a waste of time but Barb (D-CA) thought it was awesome and so totally worth it. We got to brush each other's hair, eat bunches of cookie dough, and you wouldn't believe some of the stuff we learned. I mean, not about the war. Everybody just said the same thing they've been sayin' forever buy did you know that Sue Collins (R-Maine) really likes that dreamy Jimmy Webb (D-VA)? And I think he likes her too. I mean he said he didn't, but you could tell he did.
It wasn't all fun. Mr. Practical Joker, Mitch McConnell (R, KY), is so mean. Bobby Byrd (D-WVA) feel asleep around 7PM and Mitch stuck poor Bobby's fingers in warm water. Ew-w. And icky Joey Lieberman (I-Conn) kept wanting to start a fight with everybody. What a creep. I can't believe I used to think he was cute. Yuk!
How yawny was drama queen/spoil sport Carl Levin (D, Mich), with him trying be so serious with "Al Qeada is stronger than ever" and all his "do this vote, or do that vote" bullying? The other boys tricked him into the senate cloakroom then locked the door. I thought I would die. You should have heard him yelling. I felt bad for him but it was kind of funny.
The Republican boys were so random and just would not shut up. Blah-blah-undermining the troops. Blah-blah-defeatocrats. Blah-blah-redeployment is just another way of saying we're losers. You wanna seer losers? Wait till next election. I don't even know why they showed up. It wasn't like we were ever going to get 60 or whatever votes to pull anyone out of Iraq anyway.
Around 3AM we ran out of the Mountain Dew and things started to get really boring, but then the most awesome thing happened. Johnnie Edwards (D-Fantastic Sams) and Rudyie Giuliani (R-9/11), who weren't supposed to be there at all, tried to pull a panty-raid. John McCain (R-Ariz), who shocked everyone by not wearing a sweater, acted a lot more like a freshman then a senior, locked them both in with Carl.
All and all it was pretty cool and if in September George The War Porge wants to keep the Iraq thing goin' I think we'll be having more slumber parties and I'll probably go unless the boys mess everything up.
Like Dave "Gag Me With A Family Value" Vitter (R-DCMadam) said that we could use his house 'cause his parents were going away and he was pretty sure he could get some older girls he knew to come over.
He makes me wanna puke.
Later.
Note: SteveYoung (www.greatfailure.com) put the diary back in the anonymous senator's bedroom right after he copied it. Heh-heh.
www.greatfailure.com
A talk show host, author, columnist,award-winning television writer and filmmaker, his inspiring book, "Great Failures of the Extremely Successful" (Tallfellow Press) has been published internationally and has become required reading in the Wharton School of Business Masters Program. His "All The News That's Fit To Spoof " column appears every Sunday on the L.A. Daily News Oped Page.
Steve has appeared all over national TV and radio with his unique brand of satirical punditry and social observations appearing in national periodicals from the Los Angeles Times and The New York Times, to his own weekly Internet column "The Lords Of Loud," at AlbionMonitor.net and The Huffington Post.
Must Read (
Well Said (
News (
Touching (
Funny (
Supported (
Interesting (
Inspiring (
Valuable (
