Look out Mr and Mrs.Conservative voter. Isn't that Mr. and Mr. Progressive Homo-Li-ber-olly sashaying down Traditional Value Boulevard about to make your marriage stand for nothing at all? And while they're at it, don't be surprised if they're swishing here to enlist your potentially straight, but entirely too vulnerable to the delicious temptation of boy on boy/girl on girl homo-eroticism, which could very well end up landing them as the prize catch on the West Hollywood junior varsity. And they're not beyond trapping your precious innocents with really hot - but disgusting if your daughter is the lead - lesbian experimentation films like "Debbie Does The 700 Club."
"Is the pea under here? Here? Here?"
Hey, isn't that the ACLU who's about to burn the American flag that you may be thinking of buying in time for the next Fourth of July, while they excise God from The Pledge of Allegiance? Mind you, their intention is not to kill the word "God," but God Himself...again.
Look at the watch. Look at the watch.
A billion Mexicans are crossing the border to eat your children.
You are getting very sleepy.
Embryonic stem cell research is killing the potential children those Mexicans want to eat.
Forget the horrificly mismanaged war. Ignore the future-mortgaging deficit. Don't pay attention to the shredded Constitution behind the curtain.
Welcome to the Republican mid-term strategy. Thank God...if the Democrats will let us.
Steve Young is the author of "Great Failures of the Extremely Successful." Then again, you might want to purchase his new wacky kiddie novel, "15 Minutes" (HarperCollins).