Weapons of Mass Instruction Found!
Released by WMI media.

Reporter: sherry clark


The 6-year search for Weapons of Mass Instruction finally ended today by U.C.A. inspectors! The dangerous weapons were found in nearly every home in Amir. Extended exposure to the weapons was shown to have devastated the minds of millions of people in the once great nation.

The investigation revealed that the complex network of weapons relentlessly assaulted the population's rational thought, common sense, and freedoms that once made Amir the most powerful nation on earth. This destructive weaponry, through its powerful bullets of terror, (formerly known as bulletins) constantly wore away at the fabric of society.

The Comrade-and-Chief of Amir, was immediately taken in for questioning. Translators of Newspeak and its close dialect doublespeak were dispatched to decipher answers given by the Dictator. Despite round-the-clock in-terror-gation, the Comrade-and-Chief refused to answer the questions and demanded his fifth-amendment rights. After exhaustive research to understand the term fifth, the investigators relented and brought him a bottle.

Despite this radical act of kindness, (the perpetrator of this kind-crime was immediately bound and detained) the Comrade again refused to answer the ministry's questions, claiming that it was a matter of national security. The Ministry of Truth's translators researched the term, and found that security was widespread in Amir before the Weapons of Mass Instruction (WMI) vaporized it. According to survivors of the annihilation, archaic security measures were replaced in 2001 with the more effective terror doctrine for population control.

The shock and awe effects of U.C.A.'s Officially Offensive policies (formerly known as Defensive Policies) are known and felt by populations worldwide. According to old and secret files discovered by investigators, the offensive weapon arsenal targeted the number one enemy of the head of state, the inalienable rights of the population. The inalienable rights were very powerful and valuable, but nothing remains of them to verify this report. Survivors of what has been dubbed the mindless massacre, claim the term can be found under the red ink of the country's original constitution.

Another archaic term uncovered in this same secret document was the word, American. According to legend given by the survivors of the carnage, the Dictator in question removed the "I Can" from American. From then on, the people were known as the Ikantz from the United Corporations of Amir.

Following Patriot Act protocol, the Comrade-And-Chief was detained in Quantumano Say, the Capitol of the U.C.A. where trials will await him. As has always been the policy, all are guilty until proven innocent. If Comrade W. survives detention, confesses his crimes and evidence is not destroyed, our clones may learn of his crimes sometime in 2100 when they are released to WMI, the official (and only) press of the U.C.A.

As always, you can count on WMI. We print the official truth, the whole official truth, and nothing but the official truth, so help US W.