Just one second?

Here’s a newsflash to the Clinton candidacy: Bill Clinton wasn’t that good a president. Lots of us like to think of him as a good president now that it’s been some years. Truth is, he’s good compared to Bush. But then again, so is Nixon. And Johnson. And Carter. And Ford.

Clinton was actually pretty bad.

This election, the Clintons are promising some sort of return to 90s policies. Okay then, let’s think about those 90s policies.

“Don’t ask, don’t tell.” The controversial policy that did nothing except make people mad. Give me a break, Bill. Even Truman put doing the right thing above politics when he got involved in the military. Sure, it was before Vietnam, and before conservatives had Rambo to tell Democrats they didn’t give American servicemen enough time to win the war, but between the racial integration and opposition to McArthur’s plan to invade China, he was so unpopular he didn’t even run in 1952. Truman may have been a bad person, but he stood up to the military. Something you never did. You compromised, as always.

“NAFTA.” Nice work. What has NAFTA done besides outsource jobs, lower wages and create New World Order/North American Union conspiracy theories?

“Health Care.” Hillary-Care or whatever you want to call it. You must’ve known that had no chance of passing without some sort of campaign finance reform law put into place so the health care companies couldn’t weasel you with ads. “You don't want the government to decide whether you live or…die, do you?” and that leads to:

“Campaign Finance Reform.” Also in 1993. Picture the Titanic, except full of rotting corpses.

“Welfare Reform.” Is it even worth mentioning you were wrong?

“Iraq Sanctions.” Way to give Bush and his criminals another excuse to use their childish catchphrase, “Clinton did it, too!” Even Madeline Albright couldn’t completely deny the UNICEF estimates of over 500,000 dead Iraqi children. When she saw photos, she said they were faked. Okay, okay, I know you say we never stopped giving them food and medicine, and it’s fine to say that, but to tell you the truth, I don’t care whose fault it is. A dead child is a dead child, and you either helped cause it or did nothing about it. (See: Dante’s “Inferno”)

Oh, and who can forget about “Operation Desert Fox”? A bombing “campaign” designed to “weaken” Saddam Hussein’s “grip of power” over Iraq. “Clinton did it! Clinton did it!”

“H.R. 4655.” See quote above.

Remember your “1998 State of the Union Address”? That was a good one. Here’s my favorite quote of the evening: “Saddam Hussein has spent the better part of this decade, and much of his nation's wealth, not on providing for the Iraqi people, but on developing nuclear, chemical and biological weapons and the missiles to deliver them.”

Those ones were shipped to Syria, right? Or Jordan, or…what country are they now saying Iraq gave their weapons to so they couldn’t fight back when we invaded?

Bobby Kennedy admitted in 1968 that he’d been wrong about Vietnam. In 2008, you said you were against the invasion of Iraq from the beginning. No one I’ve ever met believes you.

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