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The Golden Ruler; Peace Measures

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My husband might tell you differently, but I'm a pretty darn peaceful person. I don't step on bugs for instance. Heck I even catch spiders and put them outside instead of squashing them. An act that deserves a Nobel prize in my opinion. So I would have to say that my greatest wish for this poor old world we live in would be, well, peace.

But I am not one of these namby pamby folks that whine on and on about peace but have no ideas on how to achieve it, No indeedy. I have A Plan.

Let me ask you. When you look at the people who start wars, what do you see? All, or nearly all, male faces. This led me to ask what could it be about men that seems to make them want to have wars?

Then it came to me. It must be a contest to see who has the biggest, er, "Weapon of Mass Destruction".

I mean seriously. Look at all the implements of war. Rifles, missles, etc. They all tend to be big, long, and pointy; and the longer and bigger they are, the more excited men seem to get over them. Defense contracters were famously known for showing government officials graphics of Russian huge, red missles and U.S missles as smaller and blue. No doubt with an inference that with their new bombs, American missles would not only be bigger, but more upright.

Finally I had an insight, surely divinely inspired. It was like someone flicked on a light switch. It was so simple, so suddenly glaringly obvious, like staring into the sun. We just need to find out for men who REALLY has the bigger ones.
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So this is my plan. We give every woman on the planet a wooden ruler. Tell the boys to whip em out and then measure. Whoever has the biggest wins the war. It's cheap, effective, and non violent. It's renewable even. Everybody would be happy, with the exceptions of the guys that err, fall short, and possibly Ann Coulter. I assume her Unholiness always lose, but one never knows I suppose. Maybe she's hiding more than an Adam's Apple.

It would unquestionably mean losing some woodies, er, I mean wood, but such sacrifices in the interest of humanity are sometimes necessary. Anyway like I said, they are renewable. Get your minds out of the gutter. I'm talking about trees.

 

Peggy McCann is a mother and writer living in Greensboro, NC.

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